10 December 2009


Clouds personify Life’s motion pictures,
Our beings—actions, words, faces, changes—
Completely embodied in white,
Flowing together in constant motion,
Peaceful at times,
Colliding, friction, triggering lightning, thunder.

Some whisk by alone, divided from those once called home,
Only soon to find a friend, or an angel, to stroll the irregular path.

While being united and split in the ebb and flow of life,
These white billows change…
In sync with light, in sync with time,
Forming pictures and reactions to fit emotions, events…
Life shaping as all streams by
Forever changing, forever experiencing, forever growing.

It is in these gains and losses that we find ourselves.
We lose and cry, eternally changing how we exist
Yet in time, we come back—
Recharged and ready to take on the world,
If only to make this cycle again.

22 November 2009


How do I feel about death? what is its significance in my life? Of this, I am not sure.

I am excited about going home this weekend and getting the chance to relax and have fun with friends and family. I'm so stoked to read the Twilight books and eat...just eat good food, not Dhall food, but really good food. I can't wait to work on the Christmas presents that I have to work on.
In my mind I write love stories. I write so many of them. SSometimes it's hard to write my own love story, but I do. Of late, I have actually ventured to writing part of ti down. Unfortunately none of you will read it. I'm sorry to say this, but 'tis true.

I have a five page essay due tomorrow that I'm barely a paragraph into. I am writing on Poe's "The Raven" and Bryant's "thanatopsis." It's kind of a compare and contrast of their general views of death, simultaneously contrasting the views of transcendentalists when it comes to death and that of the dark romantics, lik ePoe. I love Poe's writing and Thanatopsis was definitely love to me. Is it legal to like Poe, who so hated the transcendentalists, and still find such a grand grand thrill in reading Whitman and Thoreau, Emerson and Bryant? I feel like this is not legal, but alas my mind makes it so.

I'm sitting in Austin's room, my eyes closed and my head laying against the window. I'm not even looking at the computer screen. I'm only paying attention to my head. Juli is sitting on the big beanbag chair reading Eclipse once more and Austin is singing music from Across The Universe beside me on his comfy, cushy bead. It's quite comfortint to know that there is another free spirit like me in the world - one who doesn't mind sitting on the grass between class and not worry about the world. We napped for a whoile hour the other day. It was grand.

I'm ready for thaknsgiving. I love m friends. I am so enthusiastic sometimes...I love too fast? Is that possible?
I want to hold your hand.

17 November 2009

Some things just get to me

So there's this song. It's called "Darlin" and it's by Between The Trees. This song threw my heart on the ground and made me sob.

It's so hard wanting something that you don't have at that moment and don't really know how to go about getting. It's hard not to just give up, but at the same time it's incredibly hard just to set it down and let go and ... just stop. Both are impossible.

Love languages are so important. I think many people go through life not knowing this and not understanding their reality and purpose. Love languages are a part of everyone's life. We have to learn to speak so other will know how we feel. Otherwise they are oblivious and we are working in vain, only to hurt ourselves later.

How does this work?
How does love work?

Katherine said today that she didn't believe the word "life" was in the dictionary. I laughed at her and said "well, it's like love..it's there, but it doesn't mean the definition is thorough."
How do you define love? ...love between a man and a woman...the kind that we all want one day, even if we won't admit it..

16 November 2009

wow guys

Sorry for the long delay in updating. This semester has been fabulously busy for the past few months. It's been great, though.
I applied for a position as RA on campus not to long ago and will hear back about that later this week or early next week. I'm really praying that the Lord will provide this new job for me. I'm scared about it and where it might lead, but I'm ready to make the jump.
Classes are going well. I need to pull a few of my grades up a bit before the end of the semester, but I'm doing substantially better than last year I am sure.
Friends are lovely. I am blessed, that's for sure. I miss the few who aren't here, but have high hopes of seeing them soon.

current music: "Two Is Better Than One" - Boys Like Girls with Taylor Swift

I'm at work for another forty-five minutes, then off to dinner and Walmart, only to end up at the library around seven for a group project.
I wish this was more insightful, but it's not. Sorry guys.
Thanksgiving break is rapidly approaching and I'm entirely too ready for it. My brain has been fried like an egg sunnyside up for a grand amount of time. Fabulously filling food is on the menu for next week. I'm not sure there is a better option.

10 November 2009

such a good song

"Love Is Waiting" - Brooke Fraser

In the autumn on the ground,
between the traffic and the ordinary sounds
I am thinking signs and seasons while a north wind blows through
I watch as lovers pass me by
Walking stories - whos and hows and whys
Musing lazily on love
Pondering you
I'll give it time, give it space and be still for a spell
When it's time to walk that way we wanna walk it well

I'll be waiting for you baby
I'll be holding back the darkest night
Love is waiting til we're ready, til it's right
Love is waiting

It's my caution not the cold
there's no other hand that i would rather hold
the climate changes, I'm singing for the strangers about you
don't keep time, slow the pace
Honey hold on if you can
the bets are getting surer now that you're my man

I'll be waiting for you baby
I'll be holding back the darkest night
Love is waiting til we're ready, til it's right
Love is waiting

I could write a million songs about the way you say my name
I could live a lifetime with you and then do it all again
and like I can't force the sun to rise or hasten summer's start,
neither should I rush my way into your heart

26 October 2009


[I knew I'd get distracted from homework tonight]

I think tonight I've realized at least a smidgen of why I often find myself captivated by hands in a respectful way - for what they represent and everything that they mean.
There are so many reasons that are exemplified in songs that I have heard over the past seventy-two hours alone that only recently dawned on me.
Nothing is impossible, nothing is impossible for You. You hold my world in your hands - Kari Jobe

Lord, I can't even walk without you holding my hand. Oh Lord, the mountains are too high and the valleys are too wide. Down on my knees, I've learned to stand..because I can't even walk without you holding my hand. - Charles Johnson

Give us clean hands. Give us pure hearts. Let us not lift our souls to another - Chris Tomlin

These are only three that come to mind right now that describe not only God cleansing us, our hands, but guiding us and strengthening us if only through His 'one scarred hand.'

Have you ever looked at your hands? Or the hands of your best friend, mom, or grandfather? ... have you ever noticed the lines etched in them, whether faint or profoundly, painfully deep, the shape of fingers and how they curve? The softness or callousness of skin? Is there stress illustrated in the tension there, or unevenness of nails? What do your hands say about you?

God holds our hands through everything - through every break up, every unsure step, every loss, every moment when we feel we are forced to be more patient than anyone ever should, moments when we are determined, and the moments when we lose that determination. He holds our hand through endless devotion and inevitable change.
His hands, the hands of a carpenter, were pierced on the cross so that we might find hope and faith....peace in the world - in our lives. Hands show what we have gone through - fights and struggles, the things that make us and break us - characteristics of who we are and what means most to us. They show where we belong and to whom we belong by fitting perfectly. They symbolize our hearts. In our hands, in our hearts, we find the power of healing.

Matthew 9:20-21
Matthew 18:19-20

14 October 2009

I'm actually going to write something legit

Well, it depends on what you call legit.

I feel like my life has been going in twenty thousand different directions of late. Last night I went to sleep angry which totally threw off my entire day. I know bottling up anger isn't the best thing, but right now I see no outlet that's worth the effort. I'm excited about getting out of here next semester and starting something that I think will be a bit easier on my nerves and a lot less stressful than this get up. My birthday is coming up which also marks the anniversary of my Papa's death. It's surreal. Mom was thinking about coming to visit me that weekend, but I told her not to. I think it will be better not making a big deal about it. I remember him in my own way at my own times...which is more often than I let on...but memorializing his death doesn't seem appropriate to me. My grandfather lead an incredible life. It deserves much more recognition than his untimely death. I praise the Lord that he stood firm in his faith always, never wavering. I just wish I could share with him my own faith...though I found it years ago, I'm only just now beginning to utilize it.

It's a totally different ballgame when all you do is absorb. Sitting in water does nothing but make your skin wrinkly. Yet, we need to be filled with water - we are made of water.

School is going pretty well. My lit class is, of course, my favorite. I have a presentation in art tomorrow. I don't think it will be terrible...I'm just not looking forward to it. Tennis is over which is basically no fun, but I''m glad I won't be taking it in the cold part of the semester. I wish I could take it over and over again and get credit, though. I miss playing. I feel like college drops all options for those who love the game but aren't good enough to be pro.

My birthday is coming up, did I mention that? I think I'm excited. :)

I feel like I'm neglecting so much in my life right now...especially my walk with the Lord. I've gotten out of the habit of reading my Bible and I don't even know HOW I got out of the habit. The last time I checked [hah] I was reading almost everyday and studying the Word avidly. I guess that's how life goes, though. I need to work on that more and make sure that I spend time with the Lord. It's hard for me not to pray or think about Him...just like it's rare that my family and best friends don't cross my mind. They mean so much to me and are always on my mind. Just like the Lord.

I want to write, but I feel blocked. This place is killing me. Maybe I'll sleep on a bench with a few deer as my friends. HAHAHA
good night kids

oh hey

school has overtaken my life.
sorry kiddies, no frivilous words for a while.
I'll be back when you've reached 100,000 miles or 3 months...which ever comes first.

22 September 2009

insomnia and food network

I can't seem to decide whether it's normal to have someone make you feel constantly guilty and obligated to give in, or if that's just the mess I've gotten myself into.

18 September 2009

sick little game of decisions

I want only You satisfied,
my personal desires and logic aside.
I can’t see the answer,
these options keep changing.
I have nowhere to turn
nor one to speak the truth.
Only You, in Your all-knowing expertise,
can lead me in this sick little game.
This sick little game of blind leading the blind.
You are the only one gifted with eyes that can see.
The rest of us are just confident in our ignorance.
I’m beginning to realize,
This is a losing battle and I’m going to end up in the ditch.
Number my steps and give me direction,
lead me in Your ways.
What I want is of no significance.
I want only You satisfied.

16 September 2009

in fall days there is flavor

On some days I miss my friends who are far from me more than others, but I'm alright.

My heart is so overflowing with love that I can't make heads or tails of it.

I've half a page left in my notebook - literally half - and the nostalgia and surreal reality that I have completely filled this notebook with a little over a year's worth of memories and notes is incredible to me. I always feel such an accomplishment when I punctuate the last line of a notebook. Looking back I am able to see how God brought me through situations that I felt like would never have light. He gave and took away in so many different aspects of my life and I see that it is all working for my good. He is so powerful and so true to His Word and promises. I feel like I've grown so much, come so far...yet it's only been a year and I am still a child in my knowledge.

Oh love that will not let me go!

p.s. Guitar = Jude. <3

11 September 2009

heart beat heart break

It's no secret that James is getting married in November. I'm so excited for him and his new life - in the military and with this girl that seems to be so in love with the Lord according to what he's said. It's incredible when God brings two people together in His love and joins them!

I'm just struggling with the fact that both Brandon and Megan were invited to go, but I wasn't. Brandon is best man...we were all best friends. We hung out after school everyday, every weekend...I felt like we shared so much. It broke my heart when James left for Maine days after we graduated...only to have Brandon and Megan move to Ohio within two weeks and my trip to Germany sooner than that. They were truly my best friends senior year of high school. I have so many memories that I will never forget with them. We shared so much about the Lord, picked each other up during hard times, and dealt with all the drama that we each caused...and I kind of thought we'd stay friends forever..hah.
Right after I came to Rome, I still talked to all three of them. Megan and I still talk but it's rare that Brandon ever calls..and James's phone calls ended as soon as he started Basic Training in late September/early October. We talked and emailed a lot before that and he was insistent that I call his sister up and get his address from her so I could write him letters...but she wouldn't give it to me. She basically told me that his girlfriend [who he started dating over the summer..that he met at a church camp where he rededicated his life to the Lord] didn't want me to send him messages. Brit basically said "you know he has a girlfriend, right?" and when I replied "Yeah! That's so exciting!! I hope I get to meet her." She said something along the lines that she couldn't give me his address...and that was that.
I haven't talked to him since.
Brandon is best man and Megan is, of course going. James is getting married and I'm trying so hard to take a deep breath and not miss Reno, his silly red sparkly car, and drifting on dirt roads listening to Chevelle and laughing over so many things...bonfires and Bo. I'm trying so hard not to let my heart break and hurt and feel the pain that I know is there.
but deep breaths don't seem to help these poor situations.
Sometimes I think it would be better if I was numb to my heart.

09 September 2009

this will hit home


I've been editing a lot today. I'm worried about giving this story out because it doesn't correctly represent those in it...some of those in it...but I am proud of it a little.

A lot of corrections though, and this is only the 'correct with red pen on paper' stage. There's still the 'type in all corrections and probably make more' stage. :)

I'm listening to crazy music

Oh, everything's in order for GCSU so far...except my mind. It doesn't quite want to wrap around the prospects of once again uprooting. I'm so thankful that neither of my parents' occupations required moving a lot when I was young..

05 September 2009

hello unwanted tears, needed

"The more i seek you,
the more i find you
The more i find you, the more I love you

I wanna sit at your feet
drink from the cup in your hand.
Lay back against you and breath, here your heart beat
This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming"

some things change

I feel like God is leading me into such a new place these days. It's confusing and different. My feelings are changing, my reactions are changing. It's all changing.

I feel like I'm getting mixed signals about going to GCSU in the spring. I can't quite make out what God's leading me into. I'm scared of making the wrong decision and scared that I'm not listening to the voice I should be listening to. In another light, I'm worried that things might change once again and I really am supposed to stay where I'm at, making my previous statements to many people false. What does that make me? A liar?

I should probably be writing this in my journal and not on my blog - for those of you who happen to have access to read.

and so words come..

what you see is peace
but all I feel is distraction
nothing here is what it seems
I am always turning around
searching, running, never focusing
constantly seeking and never finding.
this heart churns faster - beating, crashing
oceans, mountains,
spinning breaths of smoke surround me.
where are you?

03 September 2009

guess who had called

So I've had a few crushes...liked some boys and had lots of fun flirting, but I have to say this is new. I don't know how to act or if I should look. I'm scared and confused, but giddy and happy all at once.


When Harry Met Sally makes my evenings so much better. - thanks Mere! :)

Tennis class was canceled because of the rain...and my hair is still straight. I love it. =D

But I don't know if I want to get it relaxed...or get another perm.
Oh the endless possibilities.

Going home tomorrow.

27 August 2009


Solomon created a temple
extravagant and dedicated to the One above
Inside was a veil
of purples, blues, golds, and riches
This curtain of time separated
the presence of the Holiest
from the bloodstained lives of those who worshiped.

Jesus came speaking peace, changing rules.
He crossed the great divide
and conquered it all.
He taught intimacy and encouraged love.
When his last breath escaped
the battered body of an innocent lamb
all limitations were lost.

His body is our bridge
over an ancient chasm.
The veil was torn as he won the battle
and we were set free
so who am I to be scared r fear
He gave me all of Him
So I will give him all of me.

What could separate us, the psalmist says
What veil have I hung
to remove Him and bring distance once again?
I am unworthy, but he said he wanted all or nothing
What is this veil that withholds me
from His wonderful grace and mercy,
from the full divine presence of my Lord?!

[He asked for all or nothing
but what am I willing to give?
which parts will I hoard?
and why do I not trust Him?]

25 August 2009

Psalm 30:5

Lord, you tell me to run
run to the future,
blindly into Your will
folowing only the heart
you now hold.
But I've come to find that
running in darkness
leads to stumbling and falling.
You aren't leading me in darkness,
but I always close my eyes,
scared to see what's in store
because I never can quite make it reach
I never can make those ends meet.
These days I'm prone to losing m y breath
but I know there's no stopping this race.
So, Father, if I stumble
make me stumble upon strength.
If I lose my breath
may it be lost to courage and perseverance.
If my steps falter,
may they be following the winding road
of Your love and grace.
Though I feel like quitting
and don't know your plans,
I will continue to run to the dawn.

23 August 2009

sad sophomore eyes

I'm trying not to miss you
by busying myself
and thinking of something else
but all the while I'm wishing..
wishing you were here
to make this easier
and make me laugh
to grab the ranch
and be my constant friend

But times are changing
and I will not let these tears fall.
for now I will swallow my fears
and smile at what seems so unclear
until the time I see you again,
which I will cherish
like every fleeting memory of times passed,
when i will truly smile inside and out,
while praying that the end may never show its face.

17 August 2009

packing, pacing, parcels, practice

Though you may be a born-again Christian, sometimes you need personal reassurance, a reminder, that God really loves you and that you are precious to Him. Sometimes what happens in life can take away the true conviction that he loves you - the genuine awe that His love should inspire in us - and sometimes we just need to be told.
If you think about it, that's why we tell each other 'I love you.' While we know that our friends and family love is, it's verbal reassurance - a simple boost - to remind us. Parents, family, friends .. even God. We want to assure them that we do have a love for them and it is still there..speaking it and reminding makes it much more real to us and gives us a boost. We are dependent creatures and need those words and actions to keep our finite minds from knowing and holding to the promise that God has made to us. "Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine. Oh! What a foretaste of glory divine. Heir of salvation, purchased of God. Born of His spirit, washed in his blood."

"You dance over me
while I am unaware
You sing over me
and I never hear a sound
Lord, I'm amazed
by You
Lord I'm amazed
by You
and how You love me.."

09 August 2009

Beauty's Dance

[my cousin found this and I thought it was positively beautiful..think about it when you read it]

"The King will desire your beauty. Bow down to Him, for He is your Lord." Psalm 45:11

I'm standing in the ballroom up against the wall;
I watch my good friends talking, not noticing me at all.
A tear falls down my made-up face; pins fall out of my hair.
I quickly walk to the punch bowl avoiding every stare,
I run back to my brand-new spot and find myself a seat;
I feel completely damaged, pounded by defeat.
A distant figure takes my eye, and I decide to glance;
A gorgeous man, a perfect sight, is asking girls to dance.
Not just the girls who choose to stand in the middle of the floor,
But all the girls who hide their faces, looking for the door.
He slowly starts to come my way, and I pretend not to see.
Surely, He is looking farther; He couldn't be looking at me.
He pulls my chin up into his stare and silently makes me glance.
I look up in His loving eyes as He quietly asks me to dance.
I shake my head in disbelief and try to wake my dream;
There is no way I could go dancing in the arms of a holy King.
He leads me to center floor and locks my hand so tight;
And I am lost inside his love, His purity, truth, and light.
He leans down by my listening ear and whispers very slow,
"I love you more than you could see. You're beautiful, you know."
In tears I ask if He will hold me as I've never been held before,
And he wraps me up in His arms of love and says, "It is you I adore."
-Kaitlin Downing

08 August 2009


book - complete
editing - happening
sam bradley - hilarious
bobby long - 2 weeks
school - same time
summer - almost over
sunflower seeds - here
car - for real mine
tennis - tonight
life - good

04 August 2009

recent goings

1. Got my ticket to see the B-man on August 21!!! I'm spending the niggit with Jennimifer [even if she doesn't know it yet], then scooting myself to college the next day.
2. Got me some new glasses. :) They're red...not like.....fire-engine/Marilyn Monroe's lipstick red. It's more of a darker red, but I like them a lot.
3. As of some time this week, my curls will be gone. :( Sad, I know, but I don't have 80 bucks to get my hair re-permed. Maybe at Christmastime I can get it done again, because I'm sure going to miss them. I love them a lot.
4. I really want to pack for college right.now. ... but I don't leave for two weeks and some change, so I really just gotta wait.
5. I'm getting a car. :) Well, I've practically got it. It's April's old TeamHonda, but now it's mine!! I'm really stoked about it. It's not amazing, but it runs and will get me to the R and back. That's all I'm worried about. God provides. He is phenomenal.
6. I think that's all. :) Oh, I love God..a lot. :)

01 August 2009

hearts and stars

This week has been crazy and I can't believe it's over already..
I love weekends, but when I get to them, I feel like everything has been so rushed sometimes. This, particularly, is one of those weeks. Maybe it's because of the rain. It tends to make me itch to move and do.

Honestly, so much has happened this week.

Jen, Amber, and I managed to find 150 people in the southeast that would come to see Sam Bradley if he played in Georgia. 150 people. That's a bunch in one week.
I've also admitted a lot of things that I would never have admitted to myself before this week. Why this week? I don't really know. It's harder to admit things when they overwhelm you; this I know. Some things just slip out, regardless of your willingness to disclose that information.
Vague, I know. Blame it on Houser for telling me I was the queen of it.
I'm ever closer to finishing my notebook and will soon need another. I found some leather-bound ones at Walmart the other day but all the had was pink and black. Neither of those colors appeal to me right now.I feel like God has always lead me to my others, so I expect no different this time.
I have a spiral bound one here, but I don't want to use it. There are words written on its cover that seem hollow and vacant. It would probably be better off burnt.

Besides this, I've learned five chords on guitar [thanks to Adam] and I'm working on callouses. I think I have a few starting to form, which I'm entirely too excited about. I might be the most practicing student ever!
It would be amazing to pick up an instrument and know how to play it, but I don't mind the work for now. :)

My sister is amazing. She is a blessing from the one MOST amazing - my Father in heaven.

28 July 2009

"Live In Me"

Jennifer - if you haven't checked Facebook yet, don't read this. Go there, read my comment, do what it says, talk to me, then read this. :D

I have this friend that I've known for four years now. We spent so many summers listening to Boys Like Girls, Cartel, Relient K, and Hawk Nelson together. We fought like cats and made more brownies than should be legally allowed in the state of Georgia. She was one of the first people who understood my upbringing and could out-wit me when it came to knowing hymns. She understood what it meant to grow up in a strict Christian household under almost ridiculous standards at times, not to sound disrespectful.
We were introduced by a mutual Literature teacher of ours and were inseparable for two years of high school. We stayed up until all hours of the night coloring with our crayons and writing. She played piano and we had long conversations that we probably had no business having with people on Myspace about theological and psychological things we didn't understand.
During these few short years, she became part of my family. My grandparents knew her by name and face. My parents called her their own, and she was overly familiar with everything good and bad that accompanies the Barrons.
When I left for college we had a pretty fight that left us without talking for many months, during which we both grew tremendously in the Lord.
While I don't think Anne and Diana ever truly stopped talking in L. M. Montgomery's books, they did have a few hiccups here and there. :)

Needless to say, we've both watched and helped each other grow over these four short, yet incredibly long years. And I am so proud of her. She has an incredible heart for the Lord, though she is not perfect.
I can still listen to her sing day and night and be perfectly content. We definitely aren't as close as we once were, but she is still a special part of my life. She always will be.

Now, for what brought this on.
Her dad had a heart attack last week that gave her quite a scare. I'm not going to lie, I was scared myself. [He's fine, by the mercy of the Lord! :)] And I got to spend basically two days with her just hanging out late last week. We talked and caught up and remembered crazy things.
She let me listen to a hard-copy of the song she'd written a while back [I'd heard it before, but it had been...at least six months but most likely more than that since I'd first heard her play it]. She recorded it with the help of some of her friends in Macon. I immediately started singing along because I knew the words. They'd stuck with me. The song held such significance...when I close my eyes and listen to it, even now, I see the past four years and how we have changed - how God is living in her more and more, and consequently how He has changed my life in an extraordinary way.
I am just so thankful for God's hand in both of our lives and how we've grown so much and changed..but still remained friends.
I cannot count her as a friend who, with distance, I have lost. No, we are still very much friends. :)
You can listen to her song here:
Studio Seven Myspace

All of this brings me to an even deeper point - I have been blessed to overflowing by God. He has given me the best friends anyone could possibly wish for in their wildest dreams.
I could go on for days because words will never express how much I love my friends...but I won't.
I will just say that if I needed them, they would each be here in a short amount of time...even if they had prior commitments.
Dear Jennifer - thanks for showing me that friends are supposed to accept you for who you are, but sisters are meant to tease you about it. :) heart

27 July 2009

not your average square

I am a life
I am a vapor
I am a being
I am a feeling
I am a lightning bolt
I am a ray of sunshine

I am an arrow
pointing straight to you

paper mate pens

You told me once you wouldn't disappear,
like Thelma always stuck with Louise.
If I'm wrong, you'll call me an idiot,
but even then I'll never see you walk away.

That's a hard bargain you drive,
some people don't understand the concept of sisters.
We'll be friends forever, though.
And no one will catch us walking away.


Faith is what I hope for and proof that
------->There’s something more out there to believe.
When I stand here on this mountain
------->And overlook Your seas,
How am I to fall away to those who despise?
------->Or find myself shaking in fear?
You are all there is to me of life and death and in between
------->And Your voice is all I hear.


Riddle me this, my sweet muse
why come and go here
like a firefly on short fuse?
Come and stay, stay a while
have a drink and we'll chat
maybe we'll sail the Nile.
and go out in style
with the smile of all smiles.
Into a great wordless abyss
--------------->never to return.

3am takes me away

take me away and speak promises to me
whisper so close that my skin falls captive
drive me to insanity, but don't turn around to come back.
we always find a destination somewhere in our dreams
Everything we've left behind is much less worthy than this...
All I can see is you in the driver's seat - take me away.

There's more - three or four.
but not tonight.
Mother Teresa mentioned this Psalm in Bible study Sunday night and I read it tonight in affiliation with the part of "Crazy Love" I am studying.
In the process, I wrote a sort of shorthand, personal version of it and figured I'd share. :)
It goes along with Hebrews 4:13 as well.

God, you've tested me and search me. You know all there is to know about me, from the time I sleep to the time I wake up. You know my dreams in the night and everything I do during the day. You know my goals and thoughts. You understand them, even when no one else can see where I'm coming from. You understand why I do what I do and know me like the back of Your hands. You took the time to get to know the inner workings of my heart.
Not a word that escapes my lips, Father, do You not know completely. There is not one idea that escapes me that is without your knowledge.
God, you've surrounded me on all sides with a protection. You've put Your hand on me to guide me in the way that I should go.
O, Lord, how can I even understand this? I can't comprehend the lengths You've gone to in order to protect me. Everything that You know about me...God, I don't even know. I can't even begin to think thoughts so high.
How can I get away from you? Where could I go and not be in Your presence or accompanied by Your spirit?
God, You are in heaven. You are even in the depths of hell. Father, you reign from morning until morning and in the depths of the sea that no man has ever seen.
Even in the farthest places imaginable, You are there. Your hand still guides me and protects me. Your arms still reach told hold me there.
I can imagine that darkness and night will hide me from You, but the truth is...darkness cannot conceal anything from You. Night can't keep secrets from You. It is no different from daytime in Your sight.
Father, You made my heart beat and weaved together my intestines, stomach, and organs. You covered me with skin and spoke into existence every atom that is my body. Even while I was inside my mother, You knew my very soul.
God, I will praise You if only because I am created in such a way that no other can comprehend. Doctors can study and gain knowledge, but they will never understand. I know inside my soul that Your creations surpass any others.
You knew me as soon as I was conceived, though it was done in secret. None of it was secret to You. All the while, You had me planned.
You knew me when I wasn't even a thought. You knew me and wanted me before speaking the world into existance. You made record of my name and the time of my birth. You wrote my soul and heart, planned every atom and cell that would ever join to become me...before they even existed.
How incredible are Your thoughts of me! There are so many of them. If I were to count the number of times You thought of me, the amount of love You have for me...it would be more than the sand on the beaches, more than the stars in the sky.
When I'm awake, Lord, I am still in Your presence.
Surely you will kill the bad, God. I wish those that hate You and are blood thirsty to be creators would just vanish! God, no one can create but YOU! They speak against you and their every breath takes Your name in vain!
Oh Lord, I hate those that hate you and my heart hurts when people speak and act against You. Your enemies are my enemies.
Father, I don't want to be like them. Look in the very depths of my soul, even to my skin, and know the true love of my heart. Test me, know my every thoughts. If there is any wicked in me, take it from me and lead me in Your way...Your everlasting will.

25 July 2009


God is so good to me that it's just ridiculous.
It's righteously good and I deserve it not.

I could scream with glee. :)

I love my Jesus who died a wreckless death to save me and rose again to prove that my God is still on the throne.

That love is epic. colossal win.

24 July 2009

"This is my desire" "I will wait on You" "But if for Rain" "Arise"

Sometimes I just have the desire to stand in the wide open and stretch out my arms to the horizon and scream “This is my desire,” to the Lord. To completely give up the ghost that is within me like the Bible says so many have done before me and stand empty and open to be filled by God in such a way that everything dead is gone from me.
I want to stand as if being crucified to my flesh and my desires and cry out to the Lord saying, “I want to be used by You.”
I want to awaken when God calls “Arise” over his temples. I want to arise as if I have been asleep for a thousand years, an ancient of old, waiting on that one word. Such a command and passion.
I want to burn so with passion that when I do come forth from this deadly state, I am burning alive – in my eyes and all over my body – a walking furnace engulfing those around me in the same heavenly flame. Torching cities of Satan and burning them in the fear of God.
I will wait on Him, but my heart is stirring within me, making me restless. Sleep isn’t possible when all I want to do is run, fly to them and tell them of His wrath, His power, His love, His jealousy, His mercy.
My heart is stirring. Blood is pumping at an alarming rate and my body wants to let go. There’s another being inside of me screaming to get out, one that does not belong on this earth, that cannot be unleashed here…but if for rain. It can only wait for the day when the Redeemer returns to command His people – Arise.

phones and songs

Today is slow as butt. Christobal is in town so I might visit his face at some point, but I have to write chapter 21. It's not coming quickly.
There needs to be a conflict of some sort, because I feel like it's getting boring or something lame.

Waiting to here back from people still teaches me patience.

Pre-planning starts next week which means no pool for me. I'm super sad. I wanted to spend every waking moment at Mrs Joyce's house this summer. lameface.

must find sweets. being a girls sucks sometimes

books, chapters, and PHP oh my!

I've been writing this story and uploading it to my website ... aka I've been writing the code for it and all.

Well anyway, it started to be really frustrating because I was having to go to each individual page and update the sidebar, etc because I kept adding Chapters.

I emailed Bonnie, my host and old friend from high school, and asked her for some pointers. I knew there was an easier way to do things, but I couldn't remember how or where to find out.

Thankfully, when we were still in high school [I think I was a freshman or sophomore] she created a tutorial type deal for those of us that she was hosting in order for us to learn more about what we were doing and HOW to do it.

She sent me a link to that site where she'd put up some information about making pages into PHP format so that it was easier to update. It's kind of like iFrames, but it works on all browsers instead of just Internet Explorer.

I started working on it tonight and completely got frustrated. There was something wrong and I couldn't quite figure out what it was so I ended up emailing her my newly created php documents along with my original that I was working from.

Obviously, she's asleep like any abnormal individual this side of Alaska and still hasn't replied. I decided not to work on it anymore and called it a night. The only thing about this is when I get started, I have to finish or it will drive me insane.

So, I took a break and started again. I checked all my tags over and over. I ended up finding two that were causing an error, fixed them, and everything is back up and running.

Fixing something like that makes me feel accomplished!

and yet...still...I am less than nothing and Adonai is more than everything. <3

23 July 2009

"Lord I'm amazed..."

"by you...how you loved me"

"You dance over me while I am unaware...You sing all around, but I never hear the sound"

have you ever thought about how infinite God is? I was sitting at the Chick with Nan today and we were just discussing the Lord and how ancient the words of the Bible are.

It's hard to fathom how much time has passed on this earth because honestly we don't know exactly how long ago Adam and Eve lived here in Eden, but at the same time, it's hard for me to even think back to 1776. That was a good 200 and some years ago. I can't begin to comprehend everything that has happened in that amount of time or how things have changed. I can't comprehend that time.

Now think about this - God is timeless. People have been worshiping Him since the beginning of time. How hard it is for us as humans to comprehend that let alone before time. He has loved me as long as there has been time...and even longer. He has ruled for longer than there have been people.

Time seems so infinite - unstopping, unwavering, always going forward, never moving backwards, not slowing down for anyone, or speeding up at all. "Time is filled with swift transition, naught of earth unmoved can stand..." Time is a constant infinite, it seems to the human mind...but in reality, time is finite. Time had a beginning and time will one day come to an end.

Our God...He won't. He has always been, is today, and will always be.
He is more dependable than time, than change. He is more constant than these things.

If we have trouble comprehending what is bound by time, how much more difficult is it to understand God?! How much greater is He?!

22 July 2009

::Define Knowledge::

Hebrews 4:13 "Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in his sight: but all things are naked and opened unto the eyes of him with whom we [must give account]."

Psalm 139 "O Lord, thou hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my ling down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether. Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whiter shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee. For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee. Surely though wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men. For they speak against the wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain. Do not I hate them, O Lord, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee? I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

21 July 2009



I've been at April's...forgive me. :)

I'll have some really fun new stuff soon...possibly later tonight after I finish my Bible study, Jen's chapter, and an episode or two of NCIS.

I didn't get to watch any last night and I'm feeling withdrawals. :)

p.s. I really want to make sure I can be in ATL for Bobby!!!

19 July 2009

Frank McCourt

this guy makes me want to be a teacher
this guy made me want to write when I read "Angela's Ashes."


"Your Name"

I was listening to this song while I was in the shower this morning and I was completely blown away by the power of His name.
My cousin turned me onto this book called "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. I'm roughly halfway through the first chapter, but basically he's been talking about how infinite God is...His being is so much more than we can possibly begin to comprehend. We've all been taught that at some point in our lifetime. If not taught, told. It's hard to teach infinity when we can't comprehend it.
When I take a shower, I am completely alone - away from my phone, my computer, television, internet, books, people, everything. I am by myself with the Lord. I'm not under scrutiny or in the presence of anything that can distract me. This is the time when God has revealed Himself to me so many times before.
I'd closed my eyes to listen to the Christian music playing on Alfred. "Your Name" by Phillips, Craig, & Dean came on and I concentrated on really understanding the words, something I rarely do. I listen the first time I hear a song, but after that I often find myself reciting the words without thinking about their magnitude and meaning. I've heard this song so many times and I know the words by heart, but closing my eyes in the shower and just comprehending these words was so incredible.
This song says that we can hide in the shadow of His name and be safe, sheltered from adversity and storms. Nothing can save but His name. We pray in His name. We worship in His name. We breathe His name. In His name we move mountains and cast out demons. In His name we speak peace and comfort over those around us.

If we can do all of this entirely in.His.name, what more can we do with the power that rests in everything that is Him.

The Bible says we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. [Romans 8:37]

What fear are we to have when the One to whom we belong has a name more powerful than any adversity we could face in life?!

17 July 2009

por favor

[I realized I update this a lot...daily]

Some of you may know that my older brother was in a car accident about three years ago. From the looks of it, he should've died, but praise the Lord who protects us!! He ended up having an aneurysm on his aorta that supplied the blood to his left arm. The doctors, by God's grace and mercy, got into him quick enough to put a stint into his aorta before the aneurysm ruptured.

He's been basically fine since then, but came to my dad and I last night saying he felt something weird in his chest/arm and wasn't sure what it is. Dad said it could be from riding the 4-wheeler, but it could also be from the stint. Brad's really worried about it and I think he just wants reassurance from the Lord and a doctor that it's NOT his stint moving. So, if you guys could pray for him, I'd greatly appreciate it.

p.s. Stint: it's almost like a net-type deal that they put inside his aorta that expanded and attached itself to the wall to strengthen it and provide extra 'padding' sort of so the aneurysm would go away...if that makes sense. But it takes a while to attach so they put him on blood pressure medicine to keep his blood from pumping really hard and possibly moving the stint before it attached fully to the wall...because if it moved, the aneurysm would be unprotected and probably burst.
aneurysm: kinda like a bubble in the outside wall of his aorta...the tissue in the wall was damaged, but not to the point of bursting..like there was one more layer of tissue before it would burst and it kind of bubbled up under the pressure.

google it...my definitions are yuck

"Crazy Love" thought

God is perfectly holy - set apart and distinct with nothing and no one to compare to Him.
Because of this....human words cannot contain Him.

Therefore, I worship a God that cannot be exaggerated.


right now.........i really don't like you

15 July 2009


You told me to walk away,
how could I begin to speak?
You'd left me long before,
a corpse in my midst.
Your eyes lost their fire,
it's time to turn and go.
Before I run
and leave you to fall
take back your heart,
dripping with blood.
This might be the reason
you're no longer alive.
Not that I can care-
you've left me no choice
no ability to decide.
I'm a puppet on your strings
I do as you say.
This is the last command
I will take from you in this life.
And all you can say to me
is 'just walk away.'


Lord I need your touch,
your hand to hold.
Something unchanging
in this constantly turning world.

I'm willing to endure the pain,
Lord I'll go through every trial.
Remind me of your promise
That I'll never be alone.

Keep my eyes on You,
as I take another unsure step.
The waves are crashing, Lord
Keep me above it all.
I want to write.

for knowledge

In case you didn't know, you can vote multiple times on the picture that I posted for the scholarship. I appreciate it!!

The bruise on my thigh doesn't look so bad, but it is quite a looker. I hope it goes away soon.

Today's agenda:
-chapter 11
-call Berry Fin. Aid
-wait anxiously for 3pm...will Bobby's show be all ages?!
-bike ride [to 'get out of the house' as they say]
-Adam friend time?

14 July 2009


Parents bother me sometimes...with the words they say and don't mean, the ones they DO mean.
They tell you not to burn bridges, but they're lighting the match as the seconds tick on the clock.
God calls for us to forgive and forget, but somewhere inside I don't think that means be stupid.
Learning through experience that some people will hurt you repetitively isn't the sweetest, but it's necessary.
Should you continue to trust this person? I think that it's possible to trust someone after they've hurt you so.
Should you continue to rely on them and allow them into your inner circle? No. Reliability is gained, like trust.
I don't think that forgiveness means we are required to give others the means to hurt us again and again.
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." I've heard this phrase so many times in life.
Ironically, I'm beginning to think it's true. I don't want to, because I want to trust others.
I'm beginning to realize it might not be a matter of my desire, but rather of their desire.
Whoever said "words can never hurt me," was only putting up a front. That phrase is written boldly on the mask I wear.


I have four best friends - four. I realized this last night..or the other day. I'm not quite sure when I realized it. All of a sudden, I just knew.
While I have many close friends and people that I value dearly, there are four that 'stick closer than a brother.' There are four that I would call if I won the Lottery. There are four that I know will be here in a split second, regardless of the circumstances.

12 July 2009

in reference to the post below

So I got my financial aid 'report' from Berry in the mail ...yesterday evidently, but since mom wasn't home no one checked the mail.

Tuition is roughly 33 grand, right? well, I need 6Gs.

The picture in the previous post is one I entered in a scholarship contest on Brickfish. So if you guys don't mind, will you please oh please vote so I could win?

Right now, I'm holding to God's promise to me. He told me He'd provide me with an education and after a lot of prayer last year, this year, now, etc...I KNOW that Berry is where I'm supposed to be. I knew that when I got the acceptance letter in the mail last year, though I'd been accepted to other schools. Mom asked me if I was "settling" for Berry because I hadn't gotten early-admission acceptance from UGA. I told her, "No, mom. If I was settling, I'd pick UGA...Berry's too expensive to be a settlement school." And it's true. This place is expensive, but I know that God's got me there for a reason. There are people I am supposed to be ministering to for Him. I'm supposed to be growing there in Him.

I'd greatly appreciate your prayers that I could hold on to my faith tightly...and never let doubt enter my mind. Caleb waited 45 years for God to fulfill His promise. If it takes that long, I'll wait too. That's what kind of faith I want to have.

Psalm 1:3 says that we are like trees planted by the Living Water - firm and unmoving in Him, in our faith.
In Joshua 14:12, Caleb proclaims "GIVE ME THIS MOUNTAIN PROMISED BY GOD!" He knew God would fulfill His promise, regardless of how impossible it looked in human eyes.

11 July 2009


I still haven't heard anything from financial aid and there are only five weeks until school starts back...less than that for GCSU. I'm putting all my eggs in one basket, here. I know God will pull through. This doubt in my mind just needs to go away...fast.

Bobby Long announced a lot of new shows for Oct-Dec. I'm pretty excited about it all. I'm hoping I can grab a bunch of kids to go from Berry...or at least a few so that I've got a ride from the middle of nowhere.

Tonight I'm going out with Joshua. :) I'm not sure which other kids are going and don't care. I'm excited about seeing this kid. I've missed him a lot. He's a counselor at a camp this summer and only gets to come home every few weekends. I do miss him terribly! So tonight we're going to Mexican and a movie at the dollar theater [that's really $1.99].

God is so good to me. :) He sings His endless love over me. He corrects me and chastens me, molding me into what I should be. He blesses me with friends that...wow. I don't even know what to say about them.

I'm so thankful that my God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He created us all and has healed so many in the past, but to know that His healing powers are still alive today gives me chills.

It's incredible to me how someone can say "you might have cancer" and yet when preliminary tests are done to make sure, there is nothing. Not one hint of anything wrong.

If you don't believe in the power of prayer, you are at a loss.

p.s. chapters 7 and 8 are both up

10 July 2009

broken hearted

Chapter eight is proving to be difficult. I don't know quite what to write.

I don't want to let my heart take over because it would be a complete fairy tale and that rarely happens in life.
I don't want logic and my hand to truly take control either because there's no fun in that, and how often does logic take control?

So what is it that will dictate this chapter and the rest of this book?

I can't imagine writing heart break on my pages. To put such pain in words seems rash and not worth it. Is that why I have such disdain for the novels of Nicholas Sparks?

I've been hurt and had my heart in such pain that it felt unbearable, but never broken. I know pain, but to have your heart literally broken, bashed...not just battered...how do you come back from that? How can you write down something so life-destroying on a page?

I know these characters in real life and to bring pain to them would destroy my heart and mind. Even if they were created, they are mine...to cause them pain would hurt me more than them, I think.


I have lots of cupcakes on my kitchen table and not really very many people to share them with.

This I do not like.
It should change soon.

Chapter seven is up and chapter eight is currently in the mix.
You like?

09 July 2009

oohh gurrl

Chapter Five's up.

I'm going to brainstorm on chapter six so I'm not behind tomorrow! hahaha

gosh, ya know, I love it. I love writing. Even if it's a story like this...which will probably never amount to anything to anyone sitting in a publisher's office.

just sayin'.

God's blessed me beyond my wild imagination.

08 July 2009


Jennifer Parr makes me laugh so much it should be illegal....but praise the Lord it's not.

If for no other reason, we will be friends forever because laughter is the best medicine.

But we are sisters in Christ, so nothing will separate us. :)

I'm so thankful to have such an incredible friend!

07 July 2009


Chapter 4's up now too. :)

I'm getting a little wrapped up in this story. I wonder what it's like to write a big story - one that encompasses more than what mine does...like months and years and stuff..
It seems pretty hard to make sure all of the characters are there and active..ehhhh...we'll see. :)

I like it. Can I write for a living?


Chapter three's up

thank you Bonnie for hosting me still :D

enjoy this <3

06 July 2009

hey look it's today!

Last night didn't go over too well. I didn't go to bed until 4 or later because I was talking with April about a lot of stuff that's been going on in life lately...
Bible Study was fun last night, but Mother Teresa asked her how her Daddy died and all. I knew it was going to get to her, but she didn't want to show it..just like the mention of my Papa dying was kind of like a splinter being pushed a little farther in my heart. So we kind of had a cryfest for a little while about that and a few other things that have been going on in the past week...most of you who read this know what those things are, even if you don't think you do.

Anyway, right when I was getting ready to go to bed, I heard the house phone ring which is weird. It never rings unless it's Kasey calling to talk to Will. It especially never rings past 11 or 12 at night and here it was 3:30 or so in the morning. Evidently Granny had called Aunt Bonnie and Kalin picked up [me and my crazy insomniac cousins!]. She was sick and couldn't move...I really don't know what was going on. Anyway, I didn't answer the phone, but then heard someone leave a message and figured that if they were leaving a message, someone was real bad sick. It was Aunt Bonnie calling to say she was fumbling for clothes to go see about Granny.
I went to Mom and Dad's room to wake them because my dad needed to go, even though he's pretty dumb when it comes to stuff like that.
Now, those of you who know my mom know that she's pretty skiddish. She scares easily and I've learned since I was a child to try and announce myself before I go in their room because she's liable to come out swinging. Well, in lapse of judgement, I didn't yell at her loud enough so when I touched her hand to wake her up, she started screeching at the top of her lungs and swinging her fists like I was trying to murder her. She told me later she'd been dreaming of NCIS. Dad said "GERRI GERRI GERRI STOP YELLIN' IT'S JUST YOUR DAUGHTER." Ridiculous I tell you.
Anyway, Dad threw clothes on and went to Granny's. Mom came in and apologized for trying to maul me. And I tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't.

My mind was going over everything time and time again. So I texted April and told her I couldn't sleep. I was worried about Granny and fretting over friends. We talked until I fell asleep finally in an angry sort of mood only to awaken to six text messages and parents slamming things and yelling. Sometimes I wonder if they are the adults or if my brothers and I are. They are more immature than we are most of the time - fighting over pointless things, getting in a huff over nothing, and not being able to control their anger and words. But there's no talking to them or making them see the error of their ways. When it comes to me or Will or Brad...we are never right.

So I spent today with strawberries covered in whipped cream, my Anne book, and the cool breeze. Finally I've finished Anne of the Island. Anne and Gil are together at last. I don't know how the rest of the books are going to go or how they could possibly top the last page of the third one...but we will see. :) I'm so glad Jen let me borrow these this summer. They make my heart hurt some, but I love them. :D How could someone not fall in love while reading them? If not with the poetic words, with Gil and Anne! I would love a Gilbert..to court me as he courted Anne and wait for me, though I may be stupid...but I would hope I wouldn't be.

I think I'm going to go and find something to cook in a few. I'm famished.

Oh yes, the concerts were fabulous. :) The last one was a little clouded by bad attitudes, and for some reason I feel like that's not finished being dealt with on all sides, but Sam Bradley and his band of 'men' are much fun. I'd love to cavort about Nashville with them walking to and fro taking silly pictures.
I could make a life of it! hahaha

mmm...secrets, I've sent two emails to people I don't know...relatives of each other. I received a reply to one and none to the other, not to my surprise. Let's see where this leads.

'my muse'

This is a poem I just wrote...and I feel like I should share it..with most everyone..because it's not for me.

"Sing over me, my evil muse
I see so clearly the ways you use.
My walls go crashing in fright
to which you find delight.

Sing oh muse, oh evil friend
to my collapsing side you rush in
draining from me my might
to create from this destruction your light."

05 July 2009

move over me

God's putting so much on my heart. I'm writing like crazy tonight and today..

I have chills going down my spine and on my arms that I know are not from me being cold.

Worry is slowly but surely being replaced by faith and confidence in the Lord.

I'm praying so much that I'm crying. It's ridiculous.

God moves in the most mysterious, spectacular ways.

pulling on my heartstrings

I've been in thought a lot lately and prayer a little bit [I am fixing that] about my future - college, yes, but also careers and where I'm supposed to be.

Growing up is a big deal and I feel like it's upon me already.

"Your mercy calls me to be like You and Your favor is my delight"

to be in His favor and in His perfect will is the desire of my heart. I want to be more like Him and do what He would have me do...but sometimes I don't know what that is.

Last Sunday, Ricky made us do a "gifts of the Spirit" test or whatever to give us a little insight as to what our gifts are. Encouragement, serving, knowledge.

I've seen God work in my life. I've seen His hand in everything and to this very moment, this very day, I see how He uses me.
Tonight I just got the overwhelming feeling that my calling in this life is to be an encouragement to others - to build up my Christian brothers and sisters in His Word.

I'm not sure what this means when it comes to the career field, but I know in my heart and mind that this is what He wants me to do .. this is what He's already been using me to do.

I just pray for guidance on this road....I know He will give it.

04 July 2009


I wrote this a while ago...but it fits so well right now..

oft times amidst billowing trials
tis life that seems perplexing.
though these human minds are blinded,
death, my friend, holds not the key.

In matters of life and death,
one loses touch with understanding.
The puzzling tides of life
leave a swirling midst of pain and happiness--
two emotions most misunderstood.

these perilous moments leave us bound,
yet painfully free of what is cherished.
Searching and anxiously needing solace and peace,
the heart rests in only one place.

Provided so undeservingly,
this towering refuge of companions
allows the heart to trust once more
and live as though never broken.

01 July 2009

we'rree off to see the

SAMBRADLEYY and Jennimifer and stuff :)

Going to Atlanta tonight, chillin. Hopefully frann time with Mr. Tyler!! cuz I misses him a lot.
THEN tomorrow we go to Birmingham to see SAAAM
then on Friday we go to Nashville to see SAAAM
and this is a great summer. :)

30 June 2009

9 hour drive :)

I think Matt Sellers made my day. :)
He said he was in Athens thinking about his drive home for the 4th and he thought of one of my poems.

I quite definitely miss our conversations and our fun times in Houser's class playing with poetry and laughing over the most analytical nothings.

oh life!

today was swimming with Booger, Mrs. Robin, and Mom. It was swell but I managed to burn my .. well, anyway.
Tomorrow April and I are heading to Atlanta for our crazy fun times :D I'm excited.
must go to the bank..and finish this present!

29 June 2009

mini sharpies!

So, I bought this 4-pack of super sweet mini-sharpies. I'm kind of excited about using them at some point, though at least one of them is not mine... :D

Today has been pretty uneventful. There was a fire down the road around 7am this morning so I got ... a few texts about that one. Yes, 7am. I was none to pleased to find my phone vibrating below my pillow awakening me from a deep and dreamy slumber.
People these days! And all just because my dad works with the fire department! haha I don't mind too terribly much.
Anyway, because of this fuego that seemed so important to those living in the Tucker District, ma and I took a little walk to see the damage done. Armed with a caucasian bagel slathered with strawberry cream cheese and a cheeky plastic cup full of iced sweet tea, we set off on our trek across the .. desert. Or tropical forest depending on your definition of both.
It was to the end of Frank Satterfield and to the right, opposite the way Jen and I walked Friday night, and definitely a shorter distance. I found myself giddy that it was a shorter walk, though, because the air made me feel like I'd donned winter clothes this morning - layers upon layers - and the grass crunched like potato chips under my feet.
Can we have a bit of rain?
The damage to the house was minimal from the outside and we dodged cars coming at lightning-speed down a road with a 35mph speed limit. We all disobey that one.

The rest of the day was filled with a few tennis highlights from Wimbledon and most of "Anne of the Island." I do wish that Gil and Anne would hurry and just be together, though I feel that would bring the end of this series quicker than I'm willing to barter for. I'd rather it go on for almost the rest of time...it's beautifully written and poetically epic. It draws you in through the most incredible scenes and quotes.

But I've got to read Twilight before November.

I'm not looking forward to school. I can't read as much. mehh

soundtrack of..today: "Weightless" - All Time Low
currently:: finishing disk 5/6 of NCIS season 2...while working on a surprise. :D I love surprises! this one I've kept a secret so far, too!!! Shocker, indeed. :)

28 June 2009

post-milly revelations

I heard the song by Kari Jobe again a few minutes ago..more like 30ish, but when I was updating my Facebook status a few minutes ago, part of it came rushing back.

"I sing over you my song of peace."

Lately, I've been battling within myself trying to decide which school to go to. I think it's bothered me and eaten at me more than I've let on to anyone. There are perks and not-so-great things about both Berry and GC&SU. I've been so torn.

This line, a good half hour after my hearing the song, completely slammed into my chest, into my heart with the rush of a catastrophic peace wave. My confusion and insecurities were completely submerged, drowned, in peace from my Daddy.

So often I worry myself over things that I cannot control when I should lend myself to completely trusting the Lord and giving to Him every situation in my life. It's like seeds - if you plant them and keep digging them up to check on them, they will never grow. But if I leave my life in the calloused, deeply lined palms of my heavenly Father, I know that it will all be taken care of in due time.

And not just concerning my future schooling. He is, if I let Him, in full control of EVERYTHING - friendship, my BELOVED, family, health, money, job, everything.
There is nothing that HE cannot handle. He is my ALL, my everything.

He will handle my issues with friends like Lauren. He will correct MY attitude in EVERY situation and help me to react to EVERYTHING in the way that I should.

He has not put this strong desire for a soulmate in my heart for no reason. He will honor the desires of my heart - Psalm 37:4. If I trust in Him, He will guide my paths.

He will bring peace to my household because He promised. He will show me what I'm supposed to be doing after college and provide money and stability to do His will.

He will take me out of my comfort zone in order to better prove His love to me and to USE me more perfectly in His will.

He has given so many promises and my job is to hold so strongly to them that nothing can possibly take them away. I am to lean so fully on Him that I am engulfed by His strength, power, mercy, and love.

26 June 2009

said oooooohhhh!

I'm so excited! And I just can't hide it!

Trying to contain this sort of ecstaticness is just ridiculous and the attempt is in vain!

People are coming to my house tonight for a bonfire. I'm so like...woah...

Jen's coming, Christobal's coming, Adam and Catelyn, Hannah..BOTH of them :D
God is so good to me.

something I realized and temporarily forgot

Okay, so I found this song the other day called "My beloved" by Kari Jobe. She also sings "Revelation Song" which I'm sure some of you have heard. I think I talked about it in one of my previous posts.

Anyway, this song is incredible. If I was doing one of those little quiz things that eventually asks you which song makes you cry, it would be this one.


If you read the lyrics, you might notice the capitalizations of certain words - the obvious ones being those describing our Adonai. Go look again though..

I think one of my favorite phrases in the entire song is You're Beautiful to Me.
If you read this like any normal sentence, it's quite a compliment. To have someone call me beautiful is very special if they truly mean it. To me, that is one of the highest compliments that can be given to me. Beauty is more than just outward appearance, but that's quite a different story for quite another time.
This statement stuck out to me because of the way it was typed.
And for what I'm about to say, you can call me a geek or nerd if you want...I don't care. I'd rather be one. :)

Beautiful is capitalized. When I realized this I was sitting with Hannah and it was in the wee hours of the morning, so my analogy was a little crazy, but I haven't quite been able to make it any better.

You're Beautiful to Me.
It's like God is saying "If I were to look the word 'beautiful' up in the dictionary, your picture would be next to it."
We are "beautiful" personified to Him. Flawless in a sense.

With all of my imperfections--my lack of what a typical guy in this day and age would call 'attractive,' my tendencies to be overly clingy [like a lot of girls], my stupid sense of humor, and my ridiculous nature to hurt those I love--

I am THE BEAUTIFUL ONE in His eyes.

25 June 2009

NCIS is on pause

because neighbors are over...
so I thought I'd take this moment to just make a few little blurbs.

1. I love music..a lot of it.
2. One of my favorite 'past times' is talking about the Lord. I love having conversations about my Daddy upstairs. My heart gets in a whirl and I just..it's incredible to speak of Him with others.
3. It is more than a blessing to have people, family even, to discuss Him with. There's just something about discussing your Savior with others who also believe that cannot be described.
4. NCIS is one of my favorite shows.
5. Tomorrow is Friday which means my first bonfire of the summer...I pray it will not be the last.
6. Consequently, tomorrow is also the next time I get to see Jennifer Parr! suhhweet!
7. I love my bonfires because God always shows Himself and I get to join hearts once again with so many dear friends, no matter what has happened since our last conversation.
8. Lucy Maud Montgomery is officially one of my favorite authors. She was before, but even more so now that I am in book three of Anne Shirley's adventures.
9. I will never quite understand why God has blessed me so much.
10. I want a Tinker Bell costume to go with my Tinker Bell Pez dispenser.

"throw it away
forget yesterday
we'll make the great escape"


my insides are not happy today. They want me to be pissed.
So, I'm borderline pissed off at my mother and my Granny..and my brother because he's a lazy turd.


But I'm happy. I really am. I'm just..tired? maybe...
tooooo much mushrooms to take care of before tomorrow.

might I add

I am constantly floored by my Father.

Have you ever had desires, feelings, wants, needs even...that you just felt deep down. But to tell someone [and this is just a random example] to text you randomly or send you a letter...would kind of take away the meaning of it because you had to suggest it.
Is that psycho?

I kind of thought it might be until recently.

God seems to know when I need a little boost...when I just need to KNOW.
Sometimes it's like He's just hugging me...and I promise you, He gives the best hugs.

To say that I'm thankful and grateful for the blessings I have in my life would be an understatement.
To say I'd been brought to my knees or fallen prostrate at His feet in ... complete awe would be short of what I feel in the presence of my Adonai.
Just breathing His name brings a peace over my heart. If there is one who can make me weak in the knees and give my heart the craziest flutter, it is He.

and how He tells me He loves me...there are so many ways. Countless, numerous, various, in every way.

24 June 2009


so everyone things I look 12.

Is this justified? Should I start acting 12?

I like the number 12, just not when associated with my age.

19 - 12 = 7.

23 June 2009

Uptown Girl

"I run to you when my heart is weak, I cling to you..you're all I need." You provide my every need and bless me until my heart feels like it will burst. Joy such as this cannot be known outside Your everlasting embrace.

holy cow. I feel like I have just been...wow. I don't even know. I serve an incredible God.

Last night was Boys Like Girls in Atlanta and it was fabulous. We were able to get all-access passes for our little group. I even got to go on their tour bus!! On the way up there, we stopped at Chick Fil A in Griffin and I got to meet Mrs. Joyce's new boy. It was nice. He seems pretty cool and a bunch more legit than the previous few that there have been. She seems happy with him. That's what matters the most to me.
When we finally got there and had finished our five minute visit with the boys on the bus, I got so anxious. Jennifer called and said she was on her way and my stomach was turning. It's easy to forget how much you miss someone until the few moments before you see them. I think I was more excited just to see her face than I was to see Boys Like Girls at all!
I met her outside at Ketchup, but refrained from tackling her. It was definitely hard!! hahaha

Inside Heaven it was incredibly hot. Our passes got us into some A/C though :) We got to chat with the other bands - Never Shout Never and The Ready Set - as well as free access to loads of water and beer if we wanted it [yuck! but to each his/her own]. We traipsed in and out, depending on how much heat we felt like dealing with, each time showing our sweet pink pass. holla! Jennifer and I took lots of crazy pictures just because we can and acted like goof balls most of the time - typical us. I like it :)
Boys Like Girls finally took the stage - there was so much fog that .. I know they couldn't see anything! My pictures look like nothing but schmokiness. Since it was BabySam's birthday, Martin bought him a nastycake from Walmart or K-Mart or somewhere and made the whole crowd sing happy birthday to him ... and THEN ... Sam got to play drums for hero/heroine - well, the beginning of it. Of course he knew it too. :) I love that kid and his talent!! I think that's probably the most incredibl 16th birthday present you could get! It beats my bonfire for SURE.

After that, we chilled with the guys after their showers and got them to sign stuff and just be friends. It was pretty cool.
When Mrs. Joyce said that we needed to probably get going soon, my heart was very much not happy. It was telling me that it didn't want to go. And only 4 hours with Jennifer freaking Parr is not enough. That's like telling a drug addict he/she can only have one puff of the good stuff or telling someone to only eat one Pringle. You just can't.

Jennimifer and I ran out the do' to exchange books and such. When we got to Ketchup, she realized she left her lights on so his battery was dead. We didn't think we would find jumper cables, but we finally did, praise the Lord, and all was right with the world. :) I was sad that we had to leave though. We forgot to grab the books and such out of Ketchup's butt so I had to crawl over the seat and get them. I wasn't about to let Ketchup be turned off because he might not live again. Plus, I miss crawling over the seats. :)
Before we left for Steak-n-Shake, I got to read the very first part of our notebook and it scared me. I was anxious just to get to some light somewhere so I could sit down and read it. When I did, I cried. No one noticed, thank the Lord. I don't know how I would've explained it because I couldn't find words. To say I was speechless or breathless would only be half of it. My heart was going crazy because I have been blessed with the most incredible friends who share my faith in Adonai. If you'd asked me fall semester of last year, I would never have guessed that I'd be this happy after everything that happened last year. I would never have guessed that Jennifer and I would be close beyond acquaintances and I would have never guessed that I'd be just...so blessed.

The ride home was crazy. I should've gone to sleep, but I wouldn't let myself. It's hard for me to when I know that other people are trying to stay awake and drive and it's hard. I feel obligated to suffer with them and help keep them awake. :D I'm crazy, I know.
I know I didn't go to sleep, but I did daydream a little. When I'm riding home from concerts or just fun-time I find myself in rewind going back over what happened that night/day. I go back through everything, from getting back stage passes or that car that passed us to a grab of the hand and whisper that no one else would hear. Through doing that, I realized that my heart is full to overflowing. I've made so many memories that I don't want to forget. I know that many of them will slowly slip to the back of my mind and I will eventually no longer be able to recall them - some of them already have - but I am so thankful. I will never be able to forget the overall feeling of joy and breathlessness that comes from being blessed with kindred spirits and dear friends.

Today I've done a little bit of nothing. I slept some after Georgia Power came this morning and fixed the power - there was a storm last night that knocked power out in my neighborhood. Lightning struck a power pole and split it in half. last night when we came home, it was just hanging there. I'm so grateful that the lines didn't touch the ground. At least the GP people got a good night's rest and were able to work on the lines without too much grogginess clouding their judgements. :)
I put pictures up on Facebook of last night and successfully blew up Jennifer's email by commenting on almost all of her pictures from her roadtrip to Canada/Niagara Falls. :D I'm such an awesome kid sometimes. :P Then I picnik'd some and am still doing so. I've got to work on my story! And I want to read. Having gone three days without a bit of NCIS might be the death of me.

I love thinking about the future - thinking about how many times Jennifer and I get to hang out and the roadtrip to Nashville with she and April [it's going to be epic, I'm telling you]..and everything. But last night a comment was made that made my mind go places I didn't like. It made me realize that I'm going to be back at school, which is okay. I can deal with that - but there's going to be a time when two weeks is nothing..when it's more like a month or two...and I don't know if I can handle it!
I saw a Facebook bumper sticker that put this quite well and I think it was a Charlie Brown quote : "Absense may make the heart grow fonder but it sure does make the rest of you lonely."
Missing people sucks. And I miss a lot!

20 June 2009


aahhhh! I'm just happy..joyful. joyful is a better word.
God is just good...He blesses me.
I love listening to music that praises His name. I love reading His Word. I love talking to Him and writing to Him.


19 June 2009

panda dreams

so I've been trying to update for a while, but this stupid thing is acting the fool.
Oh well, whatever.
I forget what was important to say last night...shocker.
I currently don't have enough strawberry cream cheese to finish my bagel before I go sit on children and it's driving me insane.
Also, as of today, all 3 times that I have been/[3rd monday] to the Masquerade, I have had one thing in common. Grotesque.
My lotion is amazing. I love it a lot.
Okay, I've gotta go. Stupid cream cheese. Sitting on babies until 12 - watching Transformers for most of the day...I think I'm going to take a nap during it. I'm a sleepy panda.
I wish I was a panda sometimes.......

17 June 2009


dude. I have talented cousins. they can all sing.
Especially Christina. goooooodness. Her voice gives me chills. Sure, she's got a set of pipes, but she sings so much from her soul that it's crazy. Everytime she opens her mouth to sing it's obvious how much she depends on the Lord.

At Youth tonight, the praise band sang "Revelation Song" by Kari Jobe. If you haven't heard it or any of Kari's other music, I encourage you NOW to look it up on YouTube or Myspace or Facebook - somewhere! It's so good!!
But when Christina and Ashley belted out those notes, I had chills. The first time I heard that song was at Transition at Berry...and I remember so vividly the chains, the baggage, that I released to the Lord then. It wasn't the song that did it or anything like that, but I remember singing...almost screaming...that song with the relief and joy that I felt.
That all came flooding back to me tonight when I heard them sing that song. I wish I could find a recording of them singing that song or just Christina singing. She has an incredible voice and I feel so blessed to know her.

I'm leaving to go with April to Roberta for a little while. I'll be back later. I don't think I'm going to sleep much tonight. My heart is too on fire. <3

p.s. I miss ketchup...it's too hot to be riding in anything but a topless jeep!

15 June 2009



Family reunion was last weekend - lots of trains, babies, food, cards, water, and mosquitoes. even on my tumm.

I haven't written much lately, whoops.

Sitting on babies 9-12 everyday. It's a task. They're crazies. Nothing I can't handle though, just a little on the annoying side.

Almost finished with Anne of Avonlea. I'm trying not to rush it ... I don't want to finish it while I can't get the third one. :P

My tumm looks Mexi.


Anne Shirley makes me want to write. One of my favorite parts so far in the first two books is when she and Diana stumble upon Miss Lavender Lewis. The painted picture of her little house and gardens is just incredible. It's so amazing to find a kindred spirit in the middle of no where when you least expect it. :)

I write feverishly
of inspiration personified.
one moment frozen in time
a picture of beauty.

It is you I dream of
amidst the lavender breeze.
Your face comes with ease
on the beat of Imagination's wing.


God keeps leading me back to 1 Corinthians 13. The first three verses are hard to swallow if you really think about it. We are nothing without love - not love as it is defined in this day and age by most people, but love as it was meant.
Love is a choice. It requires action, investment, time. It's not just a feeling, it's a covenant.
Tonight the part in verse five that says "love keeps no record of wrongs." I struggle with that so much. It's hard not to hold a grudge when people have hurt you. It's hard not to just let the imperfections of others slide sometimes. It's hard to forgive and put love in the place of anger, malice, hurt, and desire for revenge.

Love...without keeping score.

12 June 2009

Who could see your heart...

Who could see your heart and resist you? The rich blood that flows there is more pure than can be found in such a wretched place as this.

This morning felt horrible. It's so hard for me to understand why people do what they do. I can't bring myself to condemn or judge or even be truly upset about it, but somewhere I know that if I wasn't being held by THE One, True God...it would hurt, to the utmost.

I wish I could show them, to stand before them broken, and show them how God has mended me and improved me. Life isn't a bed of roses and everyone makes mistakes and has skeletons in their back pockets, but judgment is a little harsh coming from those who've known you for so long.

A friend once told me...humanity is no excuse for our sins, but it's all we have. [AM]

They confuse me...I'm not sure I understand why all of this happens or where it comes from. I don't see how they see. Is that bad? Am I merely a 'teenager who will grow out of it' or is this really me?


Four letters of the twenty-six that make up the English alphabet, each of which is abused.
I know no four letters who, together, are as abused as these.
And, oh, how many four-letter words there are in our society today.
Ask Scattegories which asks you for one depending on the bright side of the die.


A simple sentence that can stand on its own.
A peaceful, yet urgent command. Forceful, yet a whisper.
Pristine and articulate.


As simple as "go" or "come"
How can we stand idly by and ignore such an urgent and powerful command?


11 June 2009

Desert rain

Sometimes I feel like I'm in a desert
dry, thirsty, alone, parched, famished,
fatigued, near exhaustion.

then the rain comes
sweetly caressing, gracefully falling
beating into my heart a new rhythm

chapped lips and calloused skin
are no more as the radiating heat
of the desert sand is gone.

A cool refreshing is birthed in these raindrops.
In every season of my life,
He is still God.

freakish and weird tendancies

Have you ever purposefully wanted to hurt someone...just to see how they would react or how far they would go to still be your friend?

I know that sounds a mite ridiculous, but nonetheless..hear me out.

Irrationality is something that lives within us all - it's called our heart. Proverbs says that your heart leads to your destruction, but trusting in the Lord leads to righteousness and prosperity.

Honestly, I feel like I'm always learning more about myself. For the longest time, I didn't understand many of my actions and never understood why I was in certain situations or why I felt the way I did.

One feeling that is almost subconscious, but I know it's there, is the desire to hurt my friends...not to hurt them in the sense that I would completely break their hearts or take what portion of themselves that they have given to me and rip it to shreds, but in the sense that I would cross "the line" just a bit...just to see how much they care.

I know you're thinking "why the heck is she admitting this? And why is she so weird? None of this makes sense." Well, I don't know. It's on my heart.

I was doing a Beth Moore Bible study before the semester ended and it talked about "breaking the mold" - not continually repeating the sins and self-destructive things that you HAVE done, but to change...that's how you get closer to God - long to be like Him...allow Him to change you and show you how you SHOULD act and react in given circumstances.

I find my spirit wrestling with my heart, like Paul said in Romans. I know that I shouldn't, but there's something inside of me that still wants to.

It makes Romans 13:8 hard to swallow - owe no man anything but to love him.
That verse has come to mean so much to me, especially after really digging into 1 Corinthians 13...not just the "love is this love is that" part, but the beginning where it says that you can do ANYTHING...you can be great...but if you don't have love, you are nothing. How can I possibly stay true to the Word when I have this feeling inside me? The Word convicts me in my heart, but sometimes I don't know how to control my 'feelings' though it doesn't seem like a feeling to me...

1 Corinthians 10:13 gives me a boost of faith - "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."

09 June 2009


new magazine?! :P if you steal Jenn's idea, I'll kill you.

I got my ice cream last night. It was tasty! <3 I wrote a rhyme-y poem last night...at 2:30 in the morning [gotta love those ones that wake you up!]...and it sucks. I mean, it's a good idea, but I still feel like all my rhyme-y poems are lame and cheesy.
but I'll share anyway

Can I make a promise to you?
It's one I want to keep
but sometimes my flesh gets in the way
and it's hard for me to see.

I promise you through everything
and with all that I can be
I will love you to the end of time
it will never cease.

in any and all situations
I want you to feel free
to say absolutely anything
because honest with you will I be

Don't be afraid to ask me something
or come to me in times of need
I will love you always
now until eternity.

Forget fears of abandonment
or friends who tend to leave
behind you and beside you
right here is where I will be.

You'll never have to look too far
or pay a costly fee
I promise that will I love you
Until God's face we see.

for friends are friends forever
and friends is what we will be
from now until forever
for all eternity.

08 June 2009


so I'm writing a story.

it sucks.

GCSU has me as an out-of-state student due to some flop in their system...aka long phone calls to people who aren't really paying attention.

I think I need a nap

edit: NAPTIME IS OBER!!!! I feel like going out for ice cream or something. I've gotten a few pages typed of my story. It might not be so bad. I'm my own worst critic.
I'm trying to find a funny movie. Suggestions?

07 June 2009

weird dreams

I had a weird dream when I took a nap this afternoon [and slept for three or four hours, by the way]. I don't quite remember all of it. It's really shrouded and confusing me...but I've got this really heavy feeling on my heart. It's creeping me out a little bit..

I still can't figure out my crazy dreams, but that's okay. I'm not much of a phone-call sort of person..it just drives me insane! But I seem to giggle a lot these days while I'm on the phone. It's the only way I can get my drug fix for the day/week! Sometimes just hearing a person's voice makes life a little bit more exciting. :D
heart you

January Loves

I've always wanted to wish upon a star,
to cast those dreams into the wild blue universe
and have them return fruitful and true.
It's always been about catching that falling star
and cradling it closely, delicately
in hopes of a dreamful surprise.
But this time ... this time, it's changed.
I believe I've caught my shooting star
...right in the heart...
and now I'm having the hardest time breathing.


Are you my Prince Charming?
My heart is running a race.
i hate to tell you, but I had almost given up.
A knight in shining armor? for me?
this vision in every girl's heart just never seemed plausible.
My messy hair with a mind of its own
tag-teamed by a mind and heart wild with emotion and imagination
followed unsurely by a less than princess figure...
just did not seem to be the right mix.
I fought for confidence, a sense of hope
looking for the one who walked with me once upon a dream.
Often distcouraged and hurt, I fell to my knees
looking up for a miracle...an answer to prayer.
when the stars were aligned [He'd had a plan all along],
You came along, waltzing into my life
with no plans to leave.
is it really you?


Under a green sky with indigo clouds, I stood.
Watching chartreuse birds and mauvelous bees float by.
The sun shown tickle-me-pink and cast an ivory glow.
Trees stood scarlet and deceptive, my skin iridescent beneath them.
The mountains and grass glowed lavender and violet around me.
Over the horizon of teal you rode, and offered me your hand.
you lead me away to your world and dreams
to spring green grass beside icy blue brooks.
the sky turned a peaceful blue, the clouds a starry white.
trees swayed in the wind, deep shades of forest green and brown.
all is right in this world, where the sun shines yellow and hot
as long as I'm with you
together for now..forever.

06 June 2009

fiery flames of frustration

we are too far apart
for an arm's reach to suffice...
but I see you in the flames of this fire
the passion with which they dance and curl
is the same passion i see in your eyes.
i long for your touch,
if only the pressure of your fingertips
fiery upon my skin.
you seduce me with your glance
even from this distance..so great.
I'm in a furnace at the sound of your voice
my mind is spinning at the simple thought
your breath, meant to cool,
only kindles this blaze inside
the spark in your eye ignites a passion inside
that is impossible to hide.
i want you so!


I need you to save my life
I'm suffocating, dying
these flames are so briht
their heat is intoxicating
you are my only hope
the only one to extinguish this fire
by matching this passion
with a spark of your own.
i want you..
i need you..
to survive.


icy blue skies and billowing clouds set this scene
my list keeps growing; this inferno is intoxicating.
why can't this just end?
I've never felt such pain.
the wind is whirling
spinning these flames to the very outskirts of my heart.
i can't believe there will be many survivors.
to look from inside four walls, you would never see.
but step into my world for just one minute
you may not last.


I stand here all alone, hands outstretched
longing just to hold you once more.
my warning wasn't fair enough
I'm bound to hurt you.
this bliss will never last.
my fears loom as locks
breaking any attachments
and locking them in a world of oblivion.
is this what it's like to be a princess?
trapped inside walls of fear, hurt, distrust?
Take this crown, I don't want it anymore.


my head is spinning
you've taken my heart
in the fireflies of your eyes
you've reversed past pain
and given me reason to smile again


deceptive demons driving
even established
clients collectively
insane. insinuating intimidating
sanctions. striving
incessantly in
offices offering
nothing necessarily
satisfying, specifically...


(this one makes me giggle)
pathetically patronized people
over-analyzing ovaries on octopus -
every explicit event-
trying terribly to
rectify remaining
yellow yak yelps.