28 July 2009

"Live In Me"

Jennifer - if you haven't checked Facebook yet, don't read this. Go there, read my comment, do what it says, talk to me, then read this. :D

I have this friend that I've known for four years now. We spent so many summers listening to Boys Like Girls, Cartel, Relient K, and Hawk Nelson together. We fought like cats and made more brownies than should be legally allowed in the state of Georgia. She was one of the first people who understood my upbringing and could out-wit me when it came to knowing hymns. She understood what it meant to grow up in a strict Christian household under almost ridiculous standards at times, not to sound disrespectful.
We were introduced by a mutual Literature teacher of ours and were inseparable for two years of high school. We stayed up until all hours of the night coloring with our crayons and writing. She played piano and we had long conversations that we probably had no business having with people on Myspace about theological and psychological things we didn't understand.
During these few short years, she became part of my family. My grandparents knew her by name and face. My parents called her their own, and she was overly familiar with everything good and bad that accompanies the Barrons.
When I left for college we had a pretty fight that left us without talking for many months, during which we both grew tremendously in the Lord.
While I don't think Anne and Diana ever truly stopped talking in L. M. Montgomery's books, they did have a few hiccups here and there. :)

Needless to say, we've both watched and helped each other grow over these four short, yet incredibly long years. And I am so proud of her. She has an incredible heart for the Lord, though she is not perfect.
I can still listen to her sing day and night and be perfectly content. We definitely aren't as close as we once were, but she is still a special part of my life. She always will be.

Now, for what brought this on.
Her dad had a heart attack last week that gave her quite a scare. I'm not going to lie, I was scared myself. [He's fine, by the mercy of the Lord! :)] And I got to spend basically two days with her just hanging out late last week. We talked and caught up and remembered crazy things.
She let me listen to a hard-copy of the song she'd written a while back [I'd heard it before, but it had been...at least six months but most likely more than that since I'd first heard her play it]. She recorded it with the help of some of her friends in Macon. I immediately started singing along because I knew the words. They'd stuck with me. The song held such significance...when I close my eyes and listen to it, even now, I see the past four years and how we have changed - how God is living in her more and more, and consequently how He has changed my life in an extraordinary way.
I am just so thankful for God's hand in both of our lives and how we've grown so much and changed..but still remained friends.
I cannot count her as a friend who, with distance, I have lost. No, we are still very much friends. :)
You can listen to her song here:
Studio Seven Myspace

All of this brings me to an even deeper point - I have been blessed to overflowing by God. He has given me the best friends anyone could possibly wish for in their wildest dreams.
I could go on for days because words will never express how much I love my friends...but I won't.
I will just say that if I needed them, they would each be here in a short amount of time...even if they had prior commitments.
Dear Jennifer - thanks for showing me that friends are supposed to accept you for who you are, but sisters are meant to tease you about it. :) heart

27 July 2009

not your average square

I am a life
I am a vapor
I am a being
I am a feeling
I am a lightning bolt
I am a ray of sunshine

I am an arrow
pointing straight to you

paper mate pens

You told me once you wouldn't disappear,
like Thelma always stuck with Louise.
If I'm wrong, you'll call me an idiot,
but even then I'll never see you walk away.

That's a hard bargain you drive,
some people don't understand the concept of sisters.
We'll be friends forever, though.
And no one will catch us walking away.


Faith is what I hope for and proof that
------->There’s something more out there to believe.
When I stand here on this mountain
------->And overlook Your seas,
How am I to fall away to those who despise?
------->Or find myself shaking in fear?
You are all there is to me of life and death and in between
------->And Your voice is all I hear.


Riddle me this, my sweet muse
why come and go here
like a firefly on short fuse?
Come and stay, stay a while
have a drink and we'll chat
maybe we'll sail the Nile.
and go out in style
with the smile of all smiles.
Into a great wordless abyss
--------------->never to return.

3am takes me away

take me away and speak promises to me
whisper so close that my skin falls captive
drive me to insanity, but don't turn around to come back.
we always find a destination somewhere in our dreams
Everything we've left behind is much less worthy than this...
All I can see is you in the driver's seat - take me away.

There's more - three or four.
but not tonight.
Mother Teresa mentioned this Psalm in Bible study Sunday night and I read it tonight in affiliation with the part of "Crazy Love" I am studying.
In the process, I wrote a sort of shorthand, personal version of it and figured I'd share. :)
It goes along with Hebrews 4:13 as well.

God, you've tested me and search me. You know all there is to know about me, from the time I sleep to the time I wake up. You know my dreams in the night and everything I do during the day. You know my goals and thoughts. You understand them, even when no one else can see where I'm coming from. You understand why I do what I do and know me like the back of Your hands. You took the time to get to know the inner workings of my heart.
Not a word that escapes my lips, Father, do You not know completely. There is not one idea that escapes me that is without your knowledge.
God, you've surrounded me on all sides with a protection. You've put Your hand on me to guide me in the way that I should go.
O, Lord, how can I even understand this? I can't comprehend the lengths You've gone to in order to protect me. Everything that You know about me...God, I don't even know. I can't even begin to think thoughts so high.
How can I get away from you? Where could I go and not be in Your presence or accompanied by Your spirit?
God, You are in heaven. You are even in the depths of hell. Father, you reign from morning until morning and in the depths of the sea that no man has ever seen.
Even in the farthest places imaginable, You are there. Your hand still guides me and protects me. Your arms still reach told hold me there.
I can imagine that darkness and night will hide me from You, but the truth is...darkness cannot conceal anything from You. Night can't keep secrets from You. It is no different from daytime in Your sight.
Father, You made my heart beat and weaved together my intestines, stomach, and organs. You covered me with skin and spoke into existence every atom that is my body. Even while I was inside my mother, You knew my very soul.
God, I will praise You if only because I am created in such a way that no other can comprehend. Doctors can study and gain knowledge, but they will never understand. I know inside my soul that Your creations surpass any others.
You knew me as soon as I was conceived, though it was done in secret. None of it was secret to You. All the while, You had me planned.
You knew me when I wasn't even a thought. You knew me and wanted me before speaking the world into existance. You made record of my name and the time of my birth. You wrote my soul and heart, planned every atom and cell that would ever join to become me...before they even existed.
How incredible are Your thoughts of me! There are so many of them. If I were to count the number of times You thought of me, the amount of love You have for me...it would be more than the sand on the beaches, more than the stars in the sky.
When I'm awake, Lord, I am still in Your presence.
Surely you will kill the bad, God. I wish those that hate You and are blood thirsty to be creators would just vanish! God, no one can create but YOU! They speak against you and their every breath takes Your name in vain!
Oh Lord, I hate those that hate you and my heart hurts when people speak and act against You. Your enemies are my enemies.
Father, I don't want to be like them. Look in the very depths of my soul, even to my skin, and know the true love of my heart. Test me, know my every thoughts. If there is any wicked in me, take it from me and lead me in Your way...Your everlasting will.

25 July 2009


God is so good to me that it's just ridiculous.
It's righteously good and I deserve it not.

I could scream with glee. :)

I love my Jesus who died a wreckless death to save me and rose again to prove that my God is still on the throne.

That love is epic. colossal win.

24 July 2009

"This is my desire" "I will wait on You" "But if for Rain" "Arise"

Sometimes I just have the desire to stand in the wide open and stretch out my arms to the horizon and scream “This is my desire,” to the Lord. To completely give up the ghost that is within me like the Bible says so many have done before me and stand empty and open to be filled by God in such a way that everything dead is gone from me.
I want to stand as if being crucified to my flesh and my desires and cry out to the Lord saying, “I want to be used by You.”
I want to awaken when God calls “Arise” over his temples. I want to arise as if I have been asleep for a thousand years, an ancient of old, waiting on that one word. Such a command and passion.
I want to burn so with passion that when I do come forth from this deadly state, I am burning alive – in my eyes and all over my body – a walking furnace engulfing those around me in the same heavenly flame. Torching cities of Satan and burning them in the fear of God.
I will wait on Him, but my heart is stirring within me, making me restless. Sleep isn’t possible when all I want to do is run, fly to them and tell them of His wrath, His power, His love, His jealousy, His mercy.
My heart is stirring. Blood is pumping at an alarming rate and my body wants to let go. There’s another being inside of me screaming to get out, one that does not belong on this earth, that cannot be unleashed here…but if for rain. It can only wait for the day when the Redeemer returns to command His people – Arise.

phones and songs

Today is slow as butt. Christobal is in town so I might visit his face at some point, but I have to write chapter 21. It's not coming quickly.
There needs to be a conflict of some sort, because I feel like it's getting boring or something lame.

Waiting to here back from people still teaches me patience.

Pre-planning starts next week which means no pool for me. I'm super sad. I wanted to spend every waking moment at Mrs Joyce's house this summer. lameface.

must find sweets. being a girls sucks sometimes

books, chapters, and PHP oh my!

I've been writing this story and uploading it to my website ... aka I've been writing the code for it and all.

Well anyway, it started to be really frustrating because I was having to go to each individual page and update the sidebar, etc because I kept adding Chapters.

I emailed Bonnie, my host and old friend from high school, and asked her for some pointers. I knew there was an easier way to do things, but I couldn't remember how or where to find out.

Thankfully, when we were still in high school [I think I was a freshman or sophomore] she created a tutorial type deal for those of us that she was hosting in order for us to learn more about what we were doing and HOW to do it.

She sent me a link to that site where she'd put up some information about making pages into PHP format so that it was easier to update. It's kind of like iFrames, but it works on all browsers instead of just Internet Explorer.

I started working on it tonight and completely got frustrated. There was something wrong and I couldn't quite figure out what it was so I ended up emailing her my newly created php documents along with my original that I was working from.

Obviously, she's asleep like any abnormal individual this side of Alaska and still hasn't replied. I decided not to work on it anymore and called it a night. The only thing about this is when I get started, I have to finish or it will drive me insane.

So, I took a break and started again. I checked all my tags over and over. I ended up finding two that were causing an error, fixed them, and everything is back up and running.

Fixing something like that makes me feel accomplished!

and yet...still...I am less than nothing and Adonai is more than everything. <3

23 July 2009

"Lord I'm amazed..."

"by you...how you loved me"

"You dance over me while I am unaware...You sing all around, but I never hear the sound"

have you ever thought about how infinite God is? I was sitting at the Chick with Nan today and we were just discussing the Lord and how ancient the words of the Bible are.

It's hard to fathom how much time has passed on this earth because honestly we don't know exactly how long ago Adam and Eve lived here in Eden, but at the same time, it's hard for me to even think back to 1776. That was a good 200 and some years ago. I can't begin to comprehend everything that has happened in that amount of time or how things have changed. I can't comprehend that time.

Now think about this - God is timeless. People have been worshiping Him since the beginning of time. How hard it is for us as humans to comprehend that let alone before time. He has loved me as long as there has been time...and even longer. He has ruled for longer than there have been people.

Time seems so infinite - unstopping, unwavering, always going forward, never moving backwards, not slowing down for anyone, or speeding up at all. "Time is filled with swift transition, naught of earth unmoved can stand..." Time is a constant infinite, it seems to the human mind...but in reality, time is finite. Time had a beginning and time will one day come to an end.

Our God...He won't. He has always been, is today, and will always be.
He is more dependable than time, than change. He is more constant than these things.

If we have trouble comprehending what is bound by time, how much more difficult is it to understand God?! How much greater is He?!

22 July 2009

::Define Knowledge::

Hebrews 4:13 "Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in his sight: but all things are naked and opened unto the eyes of him with whom we [must give account]."

Psalm 139 "O Lord, thou hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my ling down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether. Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whiter shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee. For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee. Surely though wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men. For they speak against the wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain. Do not I hate them, O Lord, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee? I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

21 July 2009



I've been at April's...forgive me. :)

I'll have some really fun new stuff soon...possibly later tonight after I finish my Bible study, Jen's chapter, and an episode or two of NCIS.

I didn't get to watch any last night and I'm feeling withdrawals. :)

p.s. I really want to make sure I can be in ATL for Bobby!!!

19 July 2009

Frank McCourt

this guy makes me want to be a teacher
this guy made me want to write when I read "Angela's Ashes."


"Your Name"

I was listening to this song while I was in the shower this morning and I was completely blown away by the power of His name.
My cousin turned me onto this book called "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. I'm roughly halfway through the first chapter, but basically he's been talking about how infinite God is...His being is so much more than we can possibly begin to comprehend. We've all been taught that at some point in our lifetime. If not taught, told. It's hard to teach infinity when we can't comprehend it.
When I take a shower, I am completely alone - away from my phone, my computer, television, internet, books, people, everything. I am by myself with the Lord. I'm not under scrutiny or in the presence of anything that can distract me. This is the time when God has revealed Himself to me so many times before.
I'd closed my eyes to listen to the Christian music playing on Alfred. "Your Name" by Phillips, Craig, & Dean came on and I concentrated on really understanding the words, something I rarely do. I listen the first time I hear a song, but after that I often find myself reciting the words without thinking about their magnitude and meaning. I've heard this song so many times and I know the words by heart, but closing my eyes in the shower and just comprehending these words was so incredible.
This song says that we can hide in the shadow of His name and be safe, sheltered from adversity and storms. Nothing can save but His name. We pray in His name. We worship in His name. We breathe His name. In His name we move mountains and cast out demons. In His name we speak peace and comfort over those around us.

If we can do all of this entirely in.His.name, what more can we do with the power that rests in everything that is Him.

The Bible says we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. [Romans 8:37]

What fear are we to have when the One to whom we belong has a name more powerful than any adversity we could face in life?!

17 July 2009

por favor

[I realized I update this a lot...daily]

Some of you may know that my older brother was in a car accident about three years ago. From the looks of it, he should've died, but praise the Lord who protects us!! He ended up having an aneurysm on his aorta that supplied the blood to his left arm. The doctors, by God's grace and mercy, got into him quick enough to put a stint into his aorta before the aneurysm ruptured.

He's been basically fine since then, but came to my dad and I last night saying he felt something weird in his chest/arm and wasn't sure what it is. Dad said it could be from riding the 4-wheeler, but it could also be from the stint. Brad's really worried about it and I think he just wants reassurance from the Lord and a doctor that it's NOT his stint moving. So, if you guys could pray for him, I'd greatly appreciate it.

p.s. Stint: it's almost like a net-type deal that they put inside his aorta that expanded and attached itself to the wall to strengthen it and provide extra 'padding' sort of so the aneurysm would go away...if that makes sense. But it takes a while to attach so they put him on blood pressure medicine to keep his blood from pumping really hard and possibly moving the stint before it attached fully to the wall...because if it moved, the aneurysm would be unprotected and probably burst.
aneurysm: kinda like a bubble in the outside wall of his aorta...the tissue in the wall was damaged, but not to the point of bursting..like there was one more layer of tissue before it would burst and it kind of bubbled up under the pressure.

google it...my definitions are yuck

"Crazy Love" thought

God is perfectly holy - set apart and distinct with nothing and no one to compare to Him.
Because of this....human words cannot contain Him.

Therefore, I worship a God that cannot be exaggerated.


right now.........i really don't like you

15 July 2009


You told me to walk away,
how could I begin to speak?
You'd left me long before,
a corpse in my midst.
Your eyes lost their fire,
it's time to turn and go.
Before I run
and leave you to fall
take back your heart,
dripping with blood.
This might be the reason
you're no longer alive.
Not that I can care-
you've left me no choice
no ability to decide.
I'm a puppet on your strings
I do as you say.
This is the last command
I will take from you in this life.
And all you can say to me
is 'just walk away.'


Lord I need your touch,
your hand to hold.
Something unchanging
in this constantly turning world.

I'm willing to endure the pain,
Lord I'll go through every trial.
Remind me of your promise
That I'll never be alone.

Keep my eyes on You,
as I take another unsure step.
The waves are crashing, Lord
Keep me above it all.
I want to write.

for knowledge

In case you didn't know, you can vote multiple times on the picture that I posted for the scholarship. I appreciate it!!

The bruise on my thigh doesn't look so bad, but it is quite a looker. I hope it goes away soon.

Today's agenda:
-chapter 11
-call Berry Fin. Aid
-wait anxiously for 3pm...will Bobby's show be all ages?!
-bike ride [to 'get out of the house' as they say]
-Adam friend time?

14 July 2009


Parents bother me sometimes...with the words they say and don't mean, the ones they DO mean.
They tell you not to burn bridges, but they're lighting the match as the seconds tick on the clock.
God calls for us to forgive and forget, but somewhere inside I don't think that means be stupid.
Learning through experience that some people will hurt you repetitively isn't the sweetest, but it's necessary.
Should you continue to trust this person? I think that it's possible to trust someone after they've hurt you so.
Should you continue to rely on them and allow them into your inner circle? No. Reliability is gained, like trust.
I don't think that forgiveness means we are required to give others the means to hurt us again and again.
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." I've heard this phrase so many times in life.
Ironically, I'm beginning to think it's true. I don't want to, because I want to trust others.
I'm beginning to realize it might not be a matter of my desire, but rather of their desire.
Whoever said "words can never hurt me," was only putting up a front. That phrase is written boldly on the mask I wear.


I have four best friends - four. I realized this last night..or the other day. I'm not quite sure when I realized it. All of a sudden, I just knew.
While I have many close friends and people that I value dearly, there are four that 'stick closer than a brother.' There are four that I would call if I won the Lottery. There are four that I know will be here in a split second, regardless of the circumstances.

12 July 2009

in reference to the post below

So I got my financial aid 'report' from Berry in the mail ...yesterday evidently, but since mom wasn't home no one checked the mail.

Tuition is roughly 33 grand, right? well, I need 6Gs.

The picture in the previous post is one I entered in a scholarship contest on Brickfish. So if you guys don't mind, will you please oh please vote so I could win?

Right now, I'm holding to God's promise to me. He told me He'd provide me with an education and after a lot of prayer last year, this year, now, etc...I KNOW that Berry is where I'm supposed to be. I knew that when I got the acceptance letter in the mail last year, though I'd been accepted to other schools. Mom asked me if I was "settling" for Berry because I hadn't gotten early-admission acceptance from UGA. I told her, "No, mom. If I was settling, I'd pick UGA...Berry's too expensive to be a settlement school." And it's true. This place is expensive, but I know that God's got me there for a reason. There are people I am supposed to be ministering to for Him. I'm supposed to be growing there in Him.

I'd greatly appreciate your prayers that I could hold on to my faith tightly...and never let doubt enter my mind. Caleb waited 45 years for God to fulfill His promise. If it takes that long, I'll wait too. That's what kind of faith I want to have.

Psalm 1:3 says that we are like trees planted by the Living Water - firm and unmoving in Him, in our faith.
In Joshua 14:12, Caleb proclaims "GIVE ME THIS MOUNTAIN PROMISED BY GOD!" He knew God would fulfill His promise, regardless of how impossible it looked in human eyes.

11 July 2009


I still haven't heard anything from financial aid and there are only five weeks until school starts back...less than that for GCSU. I'm putting all my eggs in one basket, here. I know God will pull through. This doubt in my mind just needs to go away...fast.

Bobby Long announced a lot of new shows for Oct-Dec. I'm pretty excited about it all. I'm hoping I can grab a bunch of kids to go from Berry...or at least a few so that I've got a ride from the middle of nowhere.

Tonight I'm going out with Joshua. :) I'm not sure which other kids are going and don't care. I'm excited about seeing this kid. I've missed him a lot. He's a counselor at a camp this summer and only gets to come home every few weekends. I do miss him terribly! So tonight we're going to Mexican and a movie at the dollar theater [that's really $1.99].

God is so good to me. :) He sings His endless love over me. He corrects me and chastens me, molding me into what I should be. He blesses me with friends that...wow. I don't even know what to say about them.

I'm so thankful that my God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He created us all and has healed so many in the past, but to know that His healing powers are still alive today gives me chills.

It's incredible to me how someone can say "you might have cancer" and yet when preliminary tests are done to make sure, there is nothing. Not one hint of anything wrong.

If you don't believe in the power of prayer, you are at a loss.

p.s. chapters 7 and 8 are both up

10 July 2009

broken hearted

Chapter eight is proving to be difficult. I don't know quite what to write.

I don't want to let my heart take over because it would be a complete fairy tale and that rarely happens in life.
I don't want logic and my hand to truly take control either because there's no fun in that, and how often does logic take control?

So what is it that will dictate this chapter and the rest of this book?

I can't imagine writing heart break on my pages. To put such pain in words seems rash and not worth it. Is that why I have such disdain for the novels of Nicholas Sparks?

I've been hurt and had my heart in such pain that it felt unbearable, but never broken. I know pain, but to have your heart literally broken, bashed...not just battered...how do you come back from that? How can you write down something so life-destroying on a page?

I know these characters in real life and to bring pain to them would destroy my heart and mind. Even if they were created, they are mine...to cause them pain would hurt me more than them, I think.


I have lots of cupcakes on my kitchen table and not really very many people to share them with.

This I do not like.
It should change soon.

Chapter seven is up and chapter eight is currently in the mix.
You like?

09 July 2009

oohh gurrl

Chapter Five's up.

I'm going to brainstorm on chapter six so I'm not behind tomorrow! hahaha

gosh, ya know, I love it. I love writing. Even if it's a story like this...which will probably never amount to anything to anyone sitting in a publisher's office.

just sayin'.

God's blessed me beyond my wild imagination.

08 July 2009


Jennifer Parr makes me laugh so much it should be illegal....but praise the Lord it's not.

If for no other reason, we will be friends forever because laughter is the best medicine.

But we are sisters in Christ, so nothing will separate us. :)

I'm so thankful to have such an incredible friend!

07 July 2009


Chapter 4's up now too. :)

I'm getting a little wrapped up in this story. I wonder what it's like to write a big story - one that encompasses more than what mine does...like months and years and stuff..
It seems pretty hard to make sure all of the characters are there and active..ehhhh...we'll see. :)

I like it. Can I write for a living?


Chapter three's up

thank you Bonnie for hosting me still :D

enjoy this <3

06 July 2009

hey look it's today!

Last night didn't go over too well. I didn't go to bed until 4 or later because I was talking with April about a lot of stuff that's been going on in life lately...
Bible Study was fun last night, but Mother Teresa asked her how her Daddy died and all. I knew it was going to get to her, but she didn't want to show it..just like the mention of my Papa dying was kind of like a splinter being pushed a little farther in my heart. So we kind of had a cryfest for a little while about that and a few other things that have been going on in the past week...most of you who read this know what those things are, even if you don't think you do.

Anyway, right when I was getting ready to go to bed, I heard the house phone ring which is weird. It never rings unless it's Kasey calling to talk to Will. It especially never rings past 11 or 12 at night and here it was 3:30 or so in the morning. Evidently Granny had called Aunt Bonnie and Kalin picked up [me and my crazy insomniac cousins!]. She was sick and couldn't move...I really don't know what was going on. Anyway, I didn't answer the phone, but then heard someone leave a message and figured that if they were leaving a message, someone was real bad sick. It was Aunt Bonnie calling to say she was fumbling for clothes to go see about Granny.
I went to Mom and Dad's room to wake them because my dad needed to go, even though he's pretty dumb when it comes to stuff like that.
Now, those of you who know my mom know that she's pretty skiddish. She scares easily and I've learned since I was a child to try and announce myself before I go in their room because she's liable to come out swinging. Well, in lapse of judgement, I didn't yell at her loud enough so when I touched her hand to wake her up, she started screeching at the top of her lungs and swinging her fists like I was trying to murder her. She told me later she'd been dreaming of NCIS. Dad said "GERRI GERRI GERRI STOP YELLIN' IT'S JUST YOUR DAUGHTER." Ridiculous I tell you.
Anyway, Dad threw clothes on and went to Granny's. Mom came in and apologized for trying to maul me. And I tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't.

My mind was going over everything time and time again. So I texted April and told her I couldn't sleep. I was worried about Granny and fretting over friends. We talked until I fell asleep finally in an angry sort of mood only to awaken to six text messages and parents slamming things and yelling. Sometimes I wonder if they are the adults or if my brothers and I are. They are more immature than we are most of the time - fighting over pointless things, getting in a huff over nothing, and not being able to control their anger and words. But there's no talking to them or making them see the error of their ways. When it comes to me or Will or Brad...we are never right.

So I spent today with strawberries covered in whipped cream, my Anne book, and the cool breeze. Finally I've finished Anne of the Island. Anne and Gil are together at last. I don't know how the rest of the books are going to go or how they could possibly top the last page of the third one...but we will see. :) I'm so glad Jen let me borrow these this summer. They make my heart hurt some, but I love them. :D How could someone not fall in love while reading them? If not with the poetic words, with Gil and Anne! I would love a Gilbert..to court me as he courted Anne and wait for me, though I may be stupid...but I would hope I wouldn't be.

I think I'm going to go and find something to cook in a few. I'm famished.

Oh yes, the concerts were fabulous. :) The last one was a little clouded by bad attitudes, and for some reason I feel like that's not finished being dealt with on all sides, but Sam Bradley and his band of 'men' are much fun. I'd love to cavort about Nashville with them walking to and fro taking silly pictures.
I could make a life of it! hahaha

mmm...secrets, I've sent two emails to people I don't know...relatives of each other. I received a reply to one and none to the other, not to my surprise. Let's see where this leads.

'my muse'

This is a poem I just wrote...and I feel like I should share it..with most everyone..because it's not for me.

"Sing over me, my evil muse
I see so clearly the ways you use.
My walls go crashing in fright
to which you find delight.

Sing oh muse, oh evil friend
to my collapsing side you rush in
draining from me my might
to create from this destruction your light."

05 July 2009

move over me

God's putting so much on my heart. I'm writing like crazy tonight and today..

I have chills going down my spine and on my arms that I know are not from me being cold.

Worry is slowly but surely being replaced by faith and confidence in the Lord.

I'm praying so much that I'm crying. It's ridiculous.

God moves in the most mysterious, spectacular ways.

pulling on my heartstrings

I've been in thought a lot lately and prayer a little bit [I am fixing that] about my future - college, yes, but also careers and where I'm supposed to be.

Growing up is a big deal and I feel like it's upon me already.

"Your mercy calls me to be like You and Your favor is my delight"

to be in His favor and in His perfect will is the desire of my heart. I want to be more like Him and do what He would have me do...but sometimes I don't know what that is.

Last Sunday, Ricky made us do a "gifts of the Spirit" test or whatever to give us a little insight as to what our gifts are. Encouragement, serving, knowledge.

I've seen God work in my life. I've seen His hand in everything and to this very moment, this very day, I see how He uses me.
Tonight I just got the overwhelming feeling that my calling in this life is to be an encouragement to others - to build up my Christian brothers and sisters in His Word.

I'm not sure what this means when it comes to the career field, but I know in my heart and mind that this is what He wants me to do .. this is what He's already been using me to do.

I just pray for guidance on this road....I know He will give it.

04 July 2009


I wrote this a while ago...but it fits so well right now..

oft times amidst billowing trials
tis life that seems perplexing.
though these human minds are blinded,
death, my friend, holds not the key.

In matters of life and death,
one loses touch with understanding.
The puzzling tides of life
leave a swirling midst of pain and happiness--
two emotions most misunderstood.

these perilous moments leave us bound,
yet painfully free of what is cherished.
Searching and anxiously needing solace and peace,
the heart rests in only one place.

Provided so undeservingly,
this towering refuge of companions
allows the heart to trust once more
and live as though never broken.

01 July 2009

we'rree off to see the

SAMBRADLEYY and Jennimifer and stuff :)

Going to Atlanta tonight, chillin. Hopefully frann time with Mr. Tyler!! cuz I misses him a lot.
THEN tomorrow we go to Birmingham to see SAAAM
then on Friday we go to Nashville to see SAAAM
and this is a great summer. :)