31 May 2010

wet paint

I'm doing a personal study through Isaiah right now - it started a few months ago when I was directed to Isaiah 42 or so and couldn't get enough of it - and yesterday I found a few things that really made me say "wow."
Isaiah 30:15 "For the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel has said, "you will be delivered by returning and resting; your strength will lie in quiet confidence. But you are not willing..""
Isaiah 30:18 "Therefore the Lord is waiting to show you mercy, and is rising up to show you compassion, for the Lord is a just God. Happy are all who wait patiently for Him."

This particular passage is speaking to Israel concerning their desire to 'labor' in the shadow of Egypt...thinking they would find peace there. In applying it to us, it is God's chosen people trying to find peace in something other than Adonai! We are outsiders here...not to be found at home on this earth. Our strength doesn't lie in elaborate displays of strength - like the Roman Empire's constant hunger to conquer and destroy - or in great riches stored up or even in self-proclamation...our strengh, our peace, our deliverance from the enemies (and even from OURSELVES) comes in quiet confidence. True confidence need not be screamed or told. True confidence simply exists and others will see.
True FAITH and trust in Adonai is not elaborate or showy either...it simply exists, and whispers to those with whom you come in contact.
The silly thing is we try so hard to make sure that we're screaming...when God calls for quiet confidence in Him..HE is displaying patience by waiting for us to realize that He wants to be merciful to us. He is just and has everything cared for...our attempts to fix, correct, and manage our lives (and all around us) are like dressing up in Superman's costume with the thought that those clothes contain the power.
He asks for us to wait patiently for Him to act in our lives. Sometimes He will say to us "go" or "move" or "do" ... and we have to follow accordingly. I know sometimes I say "I just don't see how this can happen" and try to do something extraordinary to make it happen. I forget that God is in control..He is. I am not.
Wait patiently...do not be idle, do not be lazy...but wait. breathe. work. worship. glorify. wait.

27 May 2010


I've got a few paintings for sale...let me know if you want one and/or know of someone who would be interested.
I can do custom paintings as well - email me and we'll discuss that. :)

Prov 24:3-4


To see paintings I've done for other people go here: http://picasaweb.google.com/BAnanagurl0508/Arts#

26 May 2010

flood gates

My mom hit the nail on the head today: "When it rains here..it pours." - both figuratively and literally.

My granddaddy was rushed to the hospital yesterday because he was disoriented and saying stuff that didn't make sense. Last night they told my uncle and gramma that he was simply dehydrated, but after running some tests, the doctor believes that he had a stroke. They scheduled a sonogram on his neck to confirm. He was diagnosed less than a year ago with Alzheimer's disease and dementia, but has been taking medicine to slow the progression of both and has been doing quite well.
My family has experienced a bunch of loss in the past three years and I'm not quite ready to deal with more of those phone calls - you know, the ones that result in a hospital visit and lots of crying.
I believe it was a mild stroke - I haven't heard anyone say that he has lost movement - but details are slow in coming.
On top of that, my dad talked to the guy that's diagnosing Ben, my car. He said that the timing belt is broken, which is why it won't crank. This alone can cost up to $500. However, when the timing belt breaks, it can bend valves as well...if any of the valves are bent, the entire job will cost around $1000 dollars. And I'm pretty sure that has nothing to do with the problems he was having this semester....so, I am currently without a car and really seeking the Lord before I make my next move. It seems almost pointless to spend a good $1500 fixing Ben when I could buy another (better) car for that much or a little more. And again, money is the issue - I don't have $1500 or even $500...or a summer job....YET.
God has always provided up until this point so I don't doubt that He will again, but I have to say I'm at MY end. Maybe that's where God wants me..wants US...is at the end of all we are.

24 May 2010

car wash

I woke up early this morning with a list of things to do today. Most notably washing my mom's car. I wanted to wash Ben weeks ago, but due to his sickness, I can't.
Washing cars is probably my favorite "chore" of all time. It's relaxing somehow and fun to focus on the details of something besides my room, which is a mess, and my life, which is also a mess.
I was thinking just now about how we do anything to avoid fixing the messes in our lives. Sure, we don't have the ability to "fix." That's very much God's doing...but we choose to throw our mess in a box marked "Not for God" and tape it up with that extra clingy duct tape. Then we walk away...and clean something else - whether it be someone else's life or some other area of our own, like the car. We choose to focus on our routines and not on what's truly the issue. Then we wonder why things aren't ever how they should be and there's always that little bit of chaos in our lives that is avoidable. What we've done is told God that we don't want Him to fix that part of us...and God's not going to push the envelope, or box in this case. Satan, however, will find it and wiggle his way in - it's his playground - and we let him.
I know I've got a few boxes..some that are new, some that are covered in dust from years of sitting, and it's about time to take that duct tape off and let God rule there too.

19 May 2010


(This is from Jimmy Needham's new album Nightlights which can be found here.)

be Thou exalted over my reputation
because applause is a poor form of soul medication
and I've tried it for years but my symptoms remain-
still fretting the day that they'll misplace my name,
still selling my soul for American fame,
treating the promotion of Jesus like a well oiled machine,
advancing His kingdom just to snag some acclaim.
now I'm both comforted and haunted that it isn't just me, though.
I see a nation of people needing to feed their own egos,
parading status like steeples.
do we not know it's evil to love ourselves more than both God and His people?
but see here's where you turn this poem on its head,
because the greatest among us came as servant instead.
and You humbled Yourself to the point of Your death.
Apparently love for the Father's glory runs red.
so, friends, will we point to the Son until our own flames grow dim?
will our bright lights become merely nightlights near Him?
words echoed once, let them echo again:
be Thou exalted over my reputation.

14 May 2010

steal away

"You only meet your once in a lifetime friends... once in a lifetime. " -Little Rascals

How.true. =)

My life is completely crazy on one end and completely predictable on the other. I'm pretty sure my heart's stopped beating a few too many times to be healthy, but maybe they were just jumpstarts.

I'm going to the zoo with some of those "once in a lifetime friends" pretty soon. Get your hopes up - there will be pictures.

So far no luck on the job front, but the grades were definitely God-breathed. I spent a little time at the park with Joshua and Emmy today (and Tater...please let's not forget that cutie). Tomorrow might include a little trip to the PHS to visit Mary Gentry if I can find a way to get there. I.MISS.HER. If not tomorrow, then I will simply drive to her house somehow, and consequently see my Auntie then as well.
Graduation will be ridiculous this year. My babies are growing up and Hoffa won't be in town. Only slightly surreal.

Somehow Hannah and I always end up planning concerts or get-away weekends. I'm pretty sure both of those are on our list right now. I've known her for six years and I feel like I've known her my whole life. We share a brain.

I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight. My mind can't decide which direction to think.

Remember my St. Jude's / Children's HC of ATL thing? ... recreational therapy. There's an idea.

11 May 2010

maxi pads and 97 balloons

uhm so we decided we would saran wrap caitlin's car for graduation.......... it was pretty epic.
here's the video for your amusement.

a little happy birthday

Sporadic updates this week, I know, but bear with me. 
I kind of want to recap a friendship for you that has become precious to my heart.
Early this year - February or so - Beth Moore released her newest book, So Long Insecurity. I desperately wanted to read it, but knew that I didn't have the money to read it. I still followed her blog and answered the questions I could, loving what the other girls had to say. A few weeks in, Heather commented on my blog saying that she saw a comment where I mentioned not having a book and really felt led to send me one. I got it in the mail a few days later and was just ecstatic. Since then Heather and I have been emailing back and forth a few times a week. She even met Beth Moore! (no kidding) She thought of me while she was there, explained our friendship to Beth, and got her to write a sweet note to me. I got this little bit of mail in the midst of a really busy, stressful week. Heather has become such a blessing in my life and I am so thankful for her!
Today is her birthday. Happy birthday Heather!! Thanks for all your advice and for how much you care. You really are such a dear friend to me!! 

10 May 2010

"spring" cleaning

I've been packing and unpacking like crazy today. Yes, packing as well. My room has become the catch-all for everyone's STUFF, but mostly my things from high school and younger and Riley's odds and ends from the past four years. I took everything out from under my bed today and went through it all....trashing boxes, plural, FULL of old notes. I don't know why I kept so much from middle school when I hated it so much, but now it's practically gone. Our notes were folded in crazy ways, full of boys and drama that we thought was important. Those days were crazy. I emptied my trunk of college things only to fill it again with four tubs of books. One is books that I usually take to school - I usually read them regularly or quote them in papers or simply want to look sophisticated with them. The other three are full of children's books, tween novels, and who knows what others. Mom won't let me get rid of them. She's probably right, but I think someone could benefit from reading them right about now. She wants me to have my bookstore when I'm older....more like a library, I think.
I still have to clean everything OFF my bench to tackle what's inside, not to mention the disaster that is my closet. I have a feeling this will take a while.....but my clothes are out of my car now so I can actually wear something that looks semi-descent.
Oh, and I found my tennis racket. I'm really feeling those four hour days on the court again. Summer '06 throwback time. =)

07 May 2010

N'Sync and a little bit of dancing

Art history final - completely schooled. I only missed one. That's it. There is no way I didn't make an A unless she hates me...and I'm pretty sure she doesn't.

I can't believe this semester is finished. In January and February when my stomach was absolutely killing me, I didn't think I'd even make it this far - especially with that Jane Austen research paper looming. But I did it (and made an A on that, might I add).

The pattern of me being friends with upperclassmen has only continued this year. I'll be wildly celebrating the graduation a few dear friends tomorrow while sweating to death with some new friends who are grand.

Then...concert? Movie night at Nachamu Ami? There are too many options.....but I have this addiction to concerts.

06 May 2010

I've got a second

to take in one last deep breath before diving back in again.

I am one final and one essay revision away from the surface.
Excited? Terribly.
This summer is going to be epic if it goes in any shape the way I am praying it will. Six Flags, the Zoo, and wonderful friends may very well show their faces.

In other news, I burnt my feet walking on concrete. It's almost like walking on broken glass. I recommend both..but only if you're in the mood to be barefoot.
My Jane Austen paper came out at a 91 and my final at a 77, resulting in my 81 average in the class. Some might be disappointed, but I worked hard for that B. I am proud. Besides, my name starts with "B." It fits perfectly.
I have two spots on my right hand where 97 balloons rubbed them raw. Yes, 97. I will only say a friend is graduating and we saran wrapped her car. It.was.epic.
Lauren, Kyndal, and Joshua are graduating soon - I don't know what to do with myself. I may end up crying like my mother. Which would simply be embarrassing. My babies are all growing up! I love them so!
Saturday is graduation here in Rome. I have a feeling it's going to be an incredibly hilarious day. Maybe with signs. Surely with tons of pictures.
I used to hate taking pictures. Now I just hate taking serious ones alone.
The reservoir is fun. There is a tunnelcave and we will explore it.....as soon as someone buys a flashlight.

Somehow, even amidst the stress and off-the-wall drama, God always finds the comic relief. And how easy it is to remember those good times - like Tarzan and rocking chairs - instead of the bad stuff ...like say finals. =)