09 December 2008

Elmer's Glue

You hold me together
with a bond, oh, so strong.
In Your mighty grip
I have no fear of falling apart.
My small imperfections are patched by You
with the skill of only the best carpenter.
You add and take pieces
here and there to complete me.
When something falls
or doesn't seem to be holding on so well,
one touch from You will mend it all.
The hurtful boo-boos caused from my fails
are made new in You.
The steps I take are only taken
because I am held strong by You.
Lord, You are my Elmer's Glue.
[my Curious George Bandaids]

01 December 2008

a proverbial slap in the face

When I feel I've said too much,
When I feel I've hurt someone,
When I feel my pride is overtaking my being,
When something happens that just doesn't sit right inside me...
I often turn to the book of James.
Tonight...was one of those times.

My brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation.
For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man and able also to bride the whole body.
Behold, we put bits in the horses' mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body.
Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth.
Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!
And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.
For every kind of beats, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind:
But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after he similitude [likeness] of God.
Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.
Doth a fountain send water forth at the same place sweet water and bitter?
Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh.

Who is a wise man and endued [has understanding] with knowledge among you? let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom.
But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth.
This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish.
For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.
But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.
And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace."

-James 3

First of all, just take a deep breath. That's some intense stuff.
Let's start at the beginning.

Verse two gets me every time. It is honestly the biggest...thump on the forehead that I have ever..just wow. NOT one of us is perfect! We have ALL sinned and fallen short of the glory of God [Romans 3:23]. Not only does James say that...he basically says that if you can control your tongue--yeah that little muscle in your mouth--then you're perfect. We're all going to have problems controlling what we say.
Verses three and four are incredible to me. Think about how many different things are controlled/directed by something small--cars by the steering wheel, boats by the captain at the wheel/the rudder, big machines [bulldozers, etc] by gears, airplanes by little flaps on the wings and tail!! All of those are types of how our tongue controls our bodies--what will 'happen next' so to speak. The example about the horse really got me -- the bit in their mouth controls their WHOLE BODY!!
On to verses five and six:: our tongue sure does boast great things! It only takes a little cigarette butt to light the whole of California's forests on fire! It takes our little tongue going just a little too far to mess everything up. When you think of lying, what do you think of?--it's something you do with your mouth!! It defiles the whole body. It's like a chain reaction; one member of a team...there's no "i" in "team," but if one person begins to think they're the best, the rest of the team suffers as well!
People can tame lions, tigers, bears [oh my!] but none of them can tame the tongue! It's easier to get the wild out of a lion or tiger than it is to have full control over the tongue.
This next part hit really close to home and kind of took me back to Matthew where it talks about sinning in your thoughts is just as bad as acting on those thoughts.
Verse nine amazes me...You know, we do look down on people and say stuff about them [say--tongue again]. We curse them, and yet they are also, like us, made in the image of God. They are no more perfect or less perfect than we are. While we may feel like we have a closer walk with the Lord than they do, it gives us no right to judge them or put them down.
Just think...we bless and we curse with the same two lips. That's like using your toothbrush to scrub the floor or, better yet, the toilet!, and then brushing your teeth. Seem outlandish? Well, that's about how it is when you bless/curse from the same two lips, with the same tongue no less!
Verse thirteen sort of starts a different subject. James begins talking about wisdom through faith. He says if you're feeling prideful, don't boast about it. Don't be like the Pharisees and pray in public just to be seen doing it...don't do good works with the intentions of getting other people to see them. That's not Christian at all.
Envying and strife and pride...they only cause confusion and chaos!! There's nothing in them of Jesus.
Wisdom from God is pure, brings peace, is gentle, willing to intercede, merciful, not partial, not hypocritical.
Goodness gracious!!! All of that led me to Ephesians 4, the end of the chapter, where it's talking about not letting corrupt things come out of your mouth...that we should be free of envy, anger, malice, spite, and all of those things..FORGIVING one another because God forgave us. Which goes back to Matthew 18 where Peter [gosh, bringin' up Peter again!] is asking God how many times he should forgive people who sin against him. God says, Peter I haven't told you to forgive 'em seven times. I say seventy TIMES seven [which, for all of you who watch veggie tales know, is four hundred and ninety :P].
We get all prideful and boast about being better than other people when they do wrong or hurt us or something when all we should be doing is forgiving them and letting God do work in them to correct them. it's not our place to judge them!!

Gosh, I know lately my tongue has really gotten the best of me in more ways than one. I think that's why I keep coming back to James. It really is a proverbial slap in the face. I have so much to work on with myself...with controlling MY tongue. Every time I read James 3 it makes me want to just...shut up.
So I think I will for a while. :)

25 November 2008

yay Jesus:: Thoughts on Thanksgiving and coffee

[hazlenut pizza is just different]

I am currently sitting at work distracted from my studies of Psychology, as if that's hard to believe, and quite without my Handy-Dandy Notebook -- white with black swirly-things and green pages with tear stains and different hand writings from the same hand and often the same pen.

Am I lost?
Mostly yes, but I hurt my finger anyway so typing might prove to be easier.

This question is almost worthless.

Paul is incredible; I'm sure I've made this point before. I've been reading in Romans, but I feel that's not what needs to be written. However, if you're looking for some major inspiration check there. You'll definitely be knocked off your feet. You might even bruise your knees.

Speaking of Thanksgiving [haha] you could probably read all of the Psalms and rejoice in every way possible, but I was searching in a little bit different place. I basically read the whole Bible at the same time...I go wherever it takes me. Lately I've been piddling in Samuel [both of them]. First Samuel was brought to my attention because it talks of two best friends -- David and Jonathan...which is a completely different note that I won't start right now.
I was flipping through second Samuel just chillin' and waiting for something to catch my eye. Many of you who have seen my Bible know that it's marked .. a lot. If something really speaks to me, I'm going to find something to underline it or highlight it so I can stumble across it later or memorize it, etc. [and my Bible smells yummy--thank you Magnolia Blossom spray .. NAN]
I came across the 22nd chapter of Samuel -- "psalms of thanksgiving" it says in my Bible above the chapter.
The first verse says that David said this to the Lord when he was delivered from his enemies and from Saul.
"The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer:" [go listen to "My deliverer" by Chris Tomlin] "The God of my rock; in him will I trust: he is my shield and the horn [strength] of my salvation, my high tower [strong hold], and my refuge, my savior; thou savest me from violence." [Strongtower - Kutless] "I will call on the Lord, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies." [Psalm 121] "WHen the waves of death compassed me, the floods of ungodly men made me afraid; The sorrows of hell compassed me about; the snares of death prevented me:" [Job] "In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried to my God: and he did hear my voice out of his temple, and my cry did enter into his ears." [Psalm 23] "Then the earth shook and trembled; the foundations of heaven moved and shook, because he was wroth." [Job 26:11; Psalm 97; James 2:19; Isaiah 64:2 & 66:5] "There went up a smoke out of his nostrils, and fire out of his mouth devoured: coals were kindled by it. He bowed the heavens also and came down; and darkness was under his feet." [can you imagine?!?! I mean, think about it...he came down and is so powerful...darkness was under his feet...and we are His children!!! surely we, also, walk above the darkness in the light and presence of the one true God! hallelujah!!] “And he rode upon a cherub, and did fly: and he was seen upon the wings of the wind. And he made darkness pavilions [canopies] round about him, dark waters, and thick clouds of the skies. Through the brightness before him were coals of fire kindled.” [this part’s really good…gives me chills every time] “The Lord thundered from heaven, and the most High uttered his voice” [it only takes one whisper from Him and everything obeys. Mark 4:39] “And he sent out arrows, and scattered them; lightning, and discomfited [vanquished] them. And the channels of the sea appeared, the foundations of the world were discovered, at the rebuking of the Lord, at the blast of the breath of his nostrils. He sent from above, he took me; he drew me out of many waters;” [woah…just woah…He came down from heaven and took us, brought us out of the dark seas of our sins] “He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them that hated me: for they were too strong for me.” [I don’t know how many of you have heard of Charles Johnson, a gospel artist, but he sings a song called ‘I can’t even walk without you holding my hand’—go listen to it] “They prevented [confronted] me in the day of my calamity: but the Lord was my stay [support]” [have you ever just fallen into His embrace? His everlasting arms…] “He brought me forth also into a large place: he delivered me, because he delighted in me” [wait a second, He delights in ME?!?!?! … God doesn’t make mistakes and He’s proud of His creations...He loves us even though we’re weak] “The Lord rewarded me according to my righteousness: according to the cleanness of my hands he hath recompensed me. For I have kept the ways of the Lord, and have not wickedly departed from my God. For all his judgements were before me: and as for his statutes, I did not depart from them.” [didn’t he tell us to keep the commandments?] “I was also upright before him, and have kept myself from mine iniquity” [go read James] “Therefore the Lord hath recompensed me according to my righteousness; according to my cleanness in his eye sight. With the merciful thou wilt shew thyself merciful, and with the upright man thou wilt shew thyself upright. With the pure thou wilt shew thyself pure; and with the forward [devious] thou wilt shew thyself unsavoury [shrewd]. And the afflicted people thou wilt save: but thine eyes are upon the haughty, that thou mayest bring them down.” [ohh yay I like this part] “For thou art my lamp, O Lord: and the Lord will lighten my darkness. For by thee I have run through a troop: by my God have I lept over a wall. As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is tried: he is a buckler to all them that trust in him. For who is God, save the Lord? And who is a rock, save our God? God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect.” [His yoke is easy…remember?] “He maketh my feet like hinds’ feet [the feet of deer]: and setteth me upon my high places. He teacheth my hands to war; so that a bow of steel is broken by mine arms.” [our strength comes from him, alone] “Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy gentleness hath made me great. Thou hast enlarged my steps under me; so that my feet did not slip. I have pursued mine enemies, and destroyed them: and turned not again until I had consumed them. And I have consumed them and wounded them, that they could not arise, yea, they are fallen under my feet.” [Psalm 23 again] “For thou hast girded me with strength to battle: them that rose up against me hast thou subdued under me.” [David and Goliath] “Thou hast given me the necks of mine enemies, that I might destroy them that hate me. They looked, but there was none to save: even unto the Lord, but he answered them not. Then did I beat them as small as the dust of the earth: I did stamp them as the mire of the street, and did spread them abroad. Thou hast delivered me from the strivings of my people, thou hast kept me to be head of the heathen a people which I knew not shall serve me.” [Psalm 37:25] “Strangers shall submit themselves unto me: as soon as they hear, they shall be obedient unto me. Strangers shall fade away, and they shall be afraid out of their close places. The Lord liveth: and blessed be my rock; and exalted be the God of the rock of my salvation. It is God that avengeth me, and that bringeth down the people under me,” [vengeance belongs to the Lord] “And that bringeth me forth from mine enemies: thou hast also hast lifted me up on high above them that rose up against me: thou hast delivered me from the violent man. Therefore will I give thanks unto thee, O Lord, among the heathen, and I will sing praises unto thy name. He is the tower of salvation for his king: and sheweth mercy to his anointed, unto David, and to his seed forevermore.

17 November 2008

inspiration of the constipated kind

[this took a whole forever to write. I'm not sure why it came so hard but it did. I don't understand it...but maybe, somewhere, it makes sense to someone and helps...such is poetry?]

Truth. perspective.
an existance of thoughts, beliefs,
each, their own.
from one bold move, another is built,
covering, consuming, loving, entrancing
inspiring more.

turn and run,
perspective is calling.
figure it out,
the lyrics of life and song.

carry on, this beat of drum.
expect more, fall harder,
be more.
for in life, in touch,
in sight,
stepping out to take flight
will not overcome
truth prevails.

16 November 2008

it's all in your eyes

The grin on your face, twinkle in your eye
makes my heart do a double-take.
That smirk when you know it's funny
and the way I can't keep from smiling...
how I can't take my eyes off of your
captivating face.
I love to make you laugh
I see you watching me from the corner
of your eye and can't help but
stand amazed that you're finally here.
You're little words here and there--encouragement that
makes my cheeks burn a rosy red

A sigh escapes me. "At last," it says
and I know you're mine.
Pulling you into an embrace is like holding my hopes
and dreams -- my whole world
I never want to let go.
My search is over
and after so many years I've found you
untainted and dancing before my eyes.
While I want to rush,
life is so sweet waltzing slowly with you.
Troubles take a backseat when we're together
Sometimes I feel like life just gets sweeter.
On top of your amazing sense of humor and stunning beauty,
you are a Christian. you love and serve
the same God that I do.
And, that God would bless me with someone
as amazing as you ... brings me to
my knees. I have a shortness of breath.
tears form and fall.

19 October 2008

"You watch over me in the darkest valleys.." -Aaron Shust

Gosh, today has been...one of happy tears and sad tears.
This whole weekend has been filled with emotion that I cannot control.

I've been torn apart by the loss of friends, the impending loss of a family member that has meant the world to me for the past 19 years of my life.
Before bed, I'm plagued with thoughts of what I could've done different, how I could've changed things, how if I'd done one thing sooner things might not be the way they are now in those situations. I spend nights tossing and turning, dreaming of things I cannot control but still can't get out of my head. I can never focus on my school work and always feel like I'm in a slump.
Don't get me wrong, I have great friends that have helped me immensely, but that just doesn't seem to be enough these days. I don't like to be alone because my thoughts come rushing in and I have no control. I feel like as much as I try to focus on work, or on God's Word, I am just overwhelmed with thoughts.
Your mind is the battlefield...and I seem to be losing this one--downward spiral.
I talked to my dad last night on the phone and I just broke down, something I don't do much with my dad. It's amazing to me how God can put the right song on the radio at the right time and you with the
right people at the right time...

"It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly
Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Revaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender...
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly
Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly
It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time breathe in and let everything out"

'whatever you're doing' -- sanctus real. Sometimes it just feels like chaos.

Then, church today..was just amazing. We were standing there singing and I was just overwhelmed...and that doesn't even begin to describe it. Joy was just spilling from within.

"I will bless the Lord forever
I will trust Him at all times
He has delivered me from all fear
He has set my feet upon a rock
I will not be moved
And I'll say of the Lord
You are my shield, my strength
My portion, deliverer
My shelter, strong tower
My very present help in time of need
Whom have I in heaven but You
There's none I desire beside You
You have made me glad
And I'll say of the Lord
You are my shield, my strength
My portion, deliverer
My shelter, strong tower
My very present help in time of need"

"made me glad" -- hillsong
With every line of that song that came from my lips came an instance where God had fulfilled those promises to be those things for me--my shelter, my shield, my strength, my deliverer, etc. Over and over, one after another, moments from my life came to mind. They were all different too, not one was repeated...and we sang the chorus over and over. I was so humbled. Sometimes I feel like I'm going it alone, and it's so obvious that I'm not. God's love is from everlasting to everlasting. His arms are always open to hold me when I feel lonely or am just in need of a hug. I need him more than life itself, more with every breath.
Needless to say, I felt like crying but the tears did not come. I was fine with that because I feel like I've been crying more than humanly possible lately. My nose is always runny and my eyes red from tears that I'd love to stop. God always has a plan, though.

After my nap this afternoon, I felt more unmotivated than I did before I went to sleep. I didn't feel like getting up and I just felt like there was no point. I willed myself to get up, mostly because I was thirsty, and turned on my music. The first song that came on made me cry. I sat for a while just wrapped up in God's love crying my eyes out.

"I was lonely
You came waltzing over to me
And Your eyes they saw right through me
And You heard each one of my cries for help
And You came to rescue me
I was broken
Every prayer that I had spoken
Reached Your ears and all my tears weren’t cried in vain
You carried all my pain
And put me back together again
You watch over me in the darkest valleys
You watch over me when the night seems long
You help me to see the way before me
You watch over me; You watch over me
Always faithful
To be leading, at this moment
Interceding for Your children
Though I’ve wandered astray from Your infinite ways
You’ve never left me alone -[to chorus]
Take my frozen heart; awaken me
Never once have You forsaken me
Even though I walk through this shadow of death
You will guide and defend me
You’ll guard and protect me
Even though I walk through this shadow of death
You will lead me home"

"watch over me"--aaron shust.
God's perfect timing amazes me.

18 June 2008

thoughts from James

We aren’t tempted of God no matter how we might feel like we are or decide that we want to blame things on Him…we are blessed beyond measure …seriously…we try to say that we do things ourselves or ‘own’ our own accomplishments because we felt like we worked the hardest to get there…really we don’t work hard at all…we are at the beck and call of our Lord and Savior. No matter if we believe in Him or not, He plays the largest part in our lives. Our leaves blow when He creates the wind. Our legs move when He allows us to command them to. It’s so evident that none of our own lives is truly ours. Our only decision comes in choosing to follow Him.
Going through temptations or trials in our lives seems to be the worst possible outcome for our lives. Dreams seem to be crushed beneath such a strong hand leaving us to wither in the rain and storm to come. However, amidst our lives falling apart and losses that we may come to face with reality-colored glasses upon our face, God is the one who’s there picking up the pieces. It says in James that he who endures these temptations and whirlwind storms of life will inherit the crown of life…that person will be able to live forever. Just think--life with someone who has been watching out for you for so long. Could you do that for someone? It would take so much for me. He doesn’t expect us to though. He just wants us to trust and follow hard after Him. He wants control of the wreck we call our lives--the twisted metal, flat tires, and busted glass…all of it. And like in Disney movies, He’s the one with the magical touch that makes everything right and beautiful again. It’s HIS healing rain that takes us from the torn shadows of what could’ve been to blooming flowers and the truth behind it all--the beauty in everything. It doesn’t matter how dead the flowers might look in the fall or how solemnly lifeless they seem in the cold winter months…if you wait…just a little while longer…those sticklike lifeless creatures will once again return to beauty, a masterpiece.
No matter our trials; not matter how dark our life gets at times or how far from anything good we seem to be, if we retain our love for God…if we hold on to just that and continue to put our trust in Him, and oh it is so hard, then in the spring we too will bloom in His glorious love and grace. He never said it would be easy for us to take up our cross and die daily to ourselves in order to follow Him. He DID say He would not see His righteous forsaken or His seed begging bread. WE are His seed. He has planted in us a seed to grow--we are His children, His disciples, we are the ones carrying His word, His life.
What good are we if we only hear what He has to say? Does it not say also in the Bible that we should spread the word among nations? Let everyone hear what the truth is and decide for themselves if they should believe it and follow it. How can we, as witnesses to the awesome creations of God-from the mountains and valleys to the trees and even our own bodies-be silent when we follow after something so amazing/ How can we not want to tell others about this? It’s nigh to impossible to contain the humility, divine inspiration , and just plain excitement found in our Creator. Yet we allow ourselves to become complacent in our everyday lives, living in routine and monotonous worship. He didn’t tell us we had to pray a certain number of times a day or create a routine of when we would pray to Him. He just said pray…because you WANT to. Pray because you need to come to Him with your problems and giddy happiness in the good and bad times. Come to Him for comfort; seek His guidance. He asked so little of us it seems, yet we have such a hard time even doing that. “be ye doers of the word and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves”-James 1:22. Take action in your life and don’t just stand idly by without seeking Him out or telling others of everything He’s done in your life. Surely if you believe in the same God that I do you would feel such emotion, such an overflowing, soaring of your soul that you couldn’t contain such. If that’s the case then PLEASE tell someone, go out and seek others to follow with you. Be a fisher of men…bring the word to everyone. Introduce them to your Creator, Savior, God. And yes, He can be your Savior but He also has to be your God…you can’t have one without the other. Hearing the Word and not doing something about it, not telling others, is like putting on a face. To yourself, Christianity is amazing…on the inside you are ALL Christian. People aren’t going to see that. They can see the outside of others, not the inside. If they get to know you, then yes, they will see some sort of glimpse of God on the inside. We should be screaming of His glory and His mercy though. We should take just a little bit of time to change ourselves into something that will glorify Him to the utmost, whether it’s changing our wording, changing our reactions, habits, changing how we look even…every little bit will make a difference and soon all of your friends will say to themselves “oh, they’ve changed…what happened?” No, it won’t be you’ve got a boyfriend or girlfriend…you’ve just found who YOU truly are in the Lord. You want to live HIM out loud…not under a bushel or a coat or behind a door hidden in a closet. You want it to come out, you want everyone to see that you are living for God…that He is the true reason for your happiness and contentment.

10 April 2008


I was listening to the radio when I got home from school today..I wasn't in the best of moods because of a lot of things that just really seemed discouraging. I'd stormed into my room after school and was just sitting on my bed...trying to find some sort of solution to it all. This song came on the radio that I honestly can't explain. I don't know where it came from and I've never heard it before. Regardless, it [God, really] inspired me. [and I wrote this...]

My thoughts, my desires
my opinions, my will
all to be dashed against stone
yet stand overzealously in the way of You
I fall on my knees
Lord humble me.

When you see me thre,
prideful and lifted up,
take me asaide, take me
take me, and point me to jesus.
Lift me up to Jesus.

When all I see in this mirror is me
when arrogance and the world overshadow
Lord, it's You I need to see
help me, humble me.

When you see me there
prideful and lifted up
take me aside, take me
take me, and point me to Jesus.
Lift me up to Jesus.

I'm swallowed in me, Lord
break me, free me
free me from ... me.
I will fall to my knees.

When I'm standing there
full of pride, full of conceit
take me aside, take me
take me and point me to You Jesus
surround me, humble me, hold me, Jesus.

help me overcome me.