24 March 2010

Well, let's just lay it all out there

I have no idea what my purpose is here.
After sixteen straight years, I'm burnt out on school.
I'm an English Literature major with an Art minor.
Planning my classes for each semester is frustrating because it's disorganized. What they offer and when they offer it is entirely mixed up. I pray it fits SOMEONE's schedule easily.
I'm learning a lot and growing a ton more...am I just having growing pains?
I don't think rooming by myself is a good idea, but I really have no other options.
A 7 page rough draft of my research paper is due Friday in Jane Austen.
Transferring schools is even out of the question unless I go to school for an extra year.
Most of my credits won't transfer, leaving me as a sophomore again.
Tomorrow I have an art test.
Mom asked what I want to do after I graduate...and I told her I don't know..I don't care.
Work, of course. I will have to with the responsibilities I have.
I do care; I simply don't have a preference.
If my days could be spent doing Bible study or really just getting in the Word, I'd love it.
I love to share...practically everything that God is doing in my life and all that He shows me.
Rarely do I wait more than an hour after a "wow" moment to tell someone else.
Holding onto that knowledge and truth just seems wrong - I am always bursting so much that I can't NOT say something.
The second part of my Lit. test is Friday.
It's beautiful here...especially when it's warm and I can sit on a blanket outside or go to the Old Mill.
Most of my friends are studying abroad next year, leaving me here.
Father, do you have purpose in my being alone again? I know You are always with me..
I feel a tug on my heart to be in Rome and to be in middle Georgia.
Huge tugs..in both directions.
I want to be closer to Macon, to NA and the congregation, to my family and my Riley who is growing up so fast, but I'm fearful that it's not time yet...
that my going back now will only mess things up.
Yet, staying here doesn't quite satisfy

something inside of us always longs for eternity.
sometimes we are walking blindfolded to prove our faith.
somewhere there is a door that is open with light shining through.
somehow He'll get me there.

1 comment:

  1. As I was reading,I thought of a couple of times in my life when I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be doing. One time in particular, I just knew for sure I wasn't supposed to be there. But it turns out (esepcially looking back now) that it was exactly where I was supposed to be. God had me there for a reason, I just didn't know it. Sometimes it's hard to know what to do or what you need to do, but just stay close to God and He will lead you whether you know it or not!