11 September 2009

heart beat heart break

It's no secret that James is getting married in November. I'm so excited for him and his new life - in the military and with this girl that seems to be so in love with the Lord according to what he's said. It's incredible when God brings two people together in His love and joins them!

I'm just struggling with the fact that both Brandon and Megan were invited to go, but I wasn't. Brandon is best man...we were all best friends. We hung out after school everyday, every weekend...I felt like we shared so much. It broke my heart when James left for Maine days after we graduated...only to have Brandon and Megan move to Ohio within two weeks and my trip to Germany sooner than that. They were truly my best friends senior year of high school. I have so many memories that I will never forget with them. We shared so much about the Lord, picked each other up during hard times, and dealt with all the drama that we each caused...and I kind of thought we'd stay friends forever..hah.
Right after I came to Rome, I still talked to all three of them. Megan and I still talk but it's rare that Brandon ever calls..and James's phone calls ended as soon as he started Basic Training in late September/early October. We talked and emailed a lot before that and he was insistent that I call his sister up and get his address from her so I could write him letters...but she wouldn't give it to me. She basically told me that his girlfriend [who he started dating over the summer..that he met at a church camp where he rededicated his life to the Lord] didn't want me to send him messages. Brit basically said "you know he has a girlfriend, right?" and when I replied "Yeah! That's so exciting!! I hope I get to meet her." She said something along the lines that she couldn't give me his address...and that was that.
I haven't talked to him since.
Brandon is best man and Megan is, of course going. James is getting married and I'm trying so hard to take a deep breath and not miss Reno, his silly red sparkly car, and drifting on dirt roads listening to Chevelle and laughing over so many things...bonfires and Bo. I'm trying so hard not to let my heart break and hurt and feel the pain that I know is there.
but deep breaths don't seem to help these poor situations.
Sometimes I think it would be better if I was numb to my heart.

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