30 March 2010

repost, redefine

A dear friend of mine asked me to write a poem on veils during the fall and I did. I posted it on here and found it again today. The image of rage, power, sacrifice and pure love that tore the curtain separating us from the Holiest of Holies runs through my head often - constantly in the past few days.
The curtain wasn't just torn. We were ruined by ourselves and Adonai wasn't willing to live without us forever.
Does your love fight like that? For friends, for family?
If you are arguing with your friends, are you willing to live without them forever? If you know your family members don't know the love of God, are you willing to live without them?
Or will you fight for them..?
This whole idea reminds me of another poem I wrote called "what kind of love.."
I will post both of them below:


Solomon created a temple
extravagant and dedicated to the One above
Inside was a veil
of purples, blues, golds, and riches
This curtain of time separated
the presence of the Holiest
from the bloodstained lives of those who worshiped.

Jesus came speaking peace, changing pagan rules.
He crossed the great divide
and conquered it all.
He taught intimacy and encouraged love.
When the last breath escaped
the battered body of an innocent lamb
all limitations were lost.

His body is our bridge
over an ancient chasm.
The veil was torn as He won the battle
and we were set free..
who am I to be scared or fear?
He gave me all of Him
I will give Him all of me.

What could separate us, the psalmist says,
What veil have I hung
to remove Him and bring distance once again?
I am unworthy, but He said He loved enough
to want all or nothing
What is this veil that withholds me
from the flood of His grace and mercy,
from the full divine presence of my Lord?!

[He asked for all or nothing
but what am I willing to give?
which parts will I hoard?
and what reason have I not to trust?]

What Kind of Love

that associates with
the filth on your shoe
that loves the dirt you tirelessly
try to rend from your body
that speaks into motion the very heart
you call your own
that watches painfully as you tear yourself away,
that asks little of you and yet you give
deceit, distrust, abandonment
to what you've only ever known
to follow your own mental lusts and desires.
He said He'd walk through fire

would your love?


edit...30 minutes later
And wow - God just brought it full circle.
I don't know how many of you have heard the podcast by Louie Giglio from the release of Awakening in early March. If you haven't - please listen...I am going to do a poor, poor job of summing it up...but it involves veils...and that torn curtain...at least it did when I was emailing Josh about it a few moments ago.

Louie Giglio spoke that night and really hit home a lot of what was said at Passion about trading in something small - our lives - for something huge - God's will. period. Not simply for our lives, but His will overall. In everything. He also talked about how we love to be in the presence of God in situations like Passion - to just stay there. Not that being in God's presence is bad, but it's like they hoard it. Stay there until they suffocate. Other people are so against the idea of 'religion' that they don't see the 'relationship' and they just run wild. Some people who have experience the glory of God
 - who've been inside the Holiest of Holies past the torn curtain that separated us for so long - run back into the world wanting to show others, but end up being OF the world again...they aren't changed. So those around them say, "well, you went in there. you didn't change. so there's no reason for me to go in there." 
But there's a third set of people...They are called doorholders. They have been behind that curtain and have experienced the true presence of the Holy Spirit, but they choose to hold the door open - to hold back the curtain - so that other people can come in and experience. They are inviting. They are smiling, welcoming, and not judgmental when people approach the door. They greet them, smile, and say, "come on in." 

Dooholders hold back that curtain of time that separates us...they get rid of obstructions, obstacles, discriminations, and distractions....to allow others into the presence of Adonai.


28 March 2010


First of all, happy birthday to Connect Rome today and tomorrow. It's incredible what the Lord has done in Rome through this congregation and the people who are so involved in it. I am thankful to be part of it and hope to be more involved in the future.

These people are selfish - they are selfish for the kingdom of God. They will not stop until they have pushed every distraction, every steryotype, every fear tactic of 'the church' today, and every possible obstacle out of the way so that people can meet with God unhindered.

I went on a whim with Abigail back in August and have really just been moved every Sunday since. Even simply reading Josh's tweets and blog change the way you think.

They are such a true example of what it means to be Peter and step out on FAITH. God called each of them from separate lives and backgrounds and brought them together - He called them out and WOKE THEM UP to their place in His body. God said start a church and with no money, no meeting place, and no logical hope, they did - first in a bar...where they met for free by the grace of God. Weeks later they opened a coffee shop - NON-PROFIT - every single bit of that money goes back to the community. Then, God said move. They did - to their new location in the mall. The money was provided for them to renovate the 'church part,' the 'coffee part,' and the 'kids part.' - for ALL of that. Now, God has called for them to reach out...outside of Rome - to places like Haiti and Mexico. Hence the opening of CRO (Connect Rome Outfitters) this Thursday. In the works for the next year are possibly a return to the bar as a second location for Sunday nights and a possible prison ministry - not a little Bible study...we're talking full-blown service - on Wednesdays or Thursdays.

One thing I love about Connect Rome is this: Many churches see the great commission as simply a way to get numbers and go into other countries with agendas much like the Catholics who came to the Americas in the 1700s - to convert people. They go with the mindset that they will save people and they will make people turn from paganism to Christianity. They are the kinds of people that give other "followers of the Annointed One" negative images like "Bible thumpers" or "hell fire and brimstone" sorts of people.
God calls us to LOVE. That is all. To LIVE our lives with LOVE. Not love like married people necessarily, but the love of Yeshua.
"Greater love has no man than this: that a man lay down his life for his friends." - John 15:13
Connect Rome helps other people with the Passion of God, but does not force religion down the throats of those they are helping. They love. 

shouldn't we all?

24 March 2010

Well, let's just lay it all out there

I have no idea what my purpose is here.
After sixteen straight years, I'm burnt out on school.
I'm an English Literature major with an Art minor.
Planning my classes for each semester is frustrating because it's disorganized. What they offer and when they offer it is entirely mixed up. I pray it fits SOMEONE's schedule easily.
I'm learning a lot and growing a ton more...am I just having growing pains?
I don't think rooming by myself is a good idea, but I really have no other options.
A 7 page rough draft of my research paper is due Friday in Jane Austen.
Transferring schools is even out of the question unless I go to school for an extra year.
Most of my credits won't transfer, leaving me as a sophomore again.
Tomorrow I have an art test.
Mom asked what I want to do after I graduate...and I told her I don't know..I don't care.
Work, of course. I will have to with the responsibilities I have.
I do care; I simply don't have a preference.
If my days could be spent doing Bible study or really just getting in the Word, I'd love it.
I love to share...practically everything that God is doing in my life and all that He shows me.
Rarely do I wait more than an hour after a "wow" moment to tell someone else.
Holding onto that knowledge and truth just seems wrong - I am always bursting so much that I can't NOT say something.
The second part of my Lit. test is Friday.
It's beautiful here...especially when it's warm and I can sit on a blanket outside or go to the Old Mill.
Most of my friends are studying abroad next year, leaving me here.
Father, do you have purpose in my being alone again? I know You are always with me..
I feel a tug on my heart to be in Rome and to be in middle Georgia.
Huge tugs..in both directions.
I want to be closer to Macon, to NA and the congregation, to my family and my Riley who is growing up so fast, but I'm fearful that it's not time yet...
that my going back now will only mess things up.
Yet, staying here doesn't quite satisfy

something inside of us always longs for eternity.
sometimes we are walking blindfolded to prove our faith.
somewhere there is a door that is open with light shining through.
somehow He'll get me there.

23 March 2010

Psalm 1:3

I am completely fascinated with trees and have been for as long as I can remember. There is something purely poetic about them that captures my senses and I can stand unmoved for hours trying to take in their beauty. The way they twist and turn; how the scraggly, seemingly imperfect branches grow mightily out of the trunk, drawing strength from the base that holds them at varying angles and in varying directions. They may stand upright in power or lean majestically. Trunks may curve or bend to dodge obstructions from the Sun. Limbs may branch off at any moment in all directions, soon to have smaller branches coming from them, reaching still higher.
The leaves, oh, the leaves themselves are a whole new story completely! They hang with dignity from the ends of the branches capturing ray upon ray of sun, drop after drop of sweet rain. Each leaf is new—none are the same shape or size or color. While they flow with the breeze or bounce with each raindrop that hits their surface, they are strong and do not fall until their time has come. The leaves are reaching--like a child on its tiptoes--straining, stretching toward the sun to soak up just a little more of its radiance. Their colors change in the splendid fashion, again, each unique in color.
What really amazes me is the spiritual symbolism that trees represent. Trees are mentioned often in the Bible—Psalm 1, Matthew 13 and 15, Luke 21, Revelation 22.
Jesus says that He is the vine and we are the branches. We draw our strength from Him. Our ability to weather the elements and our source of sustenance come from Him! We are the contorted, flawed branches that are reaching out to the rest of the world.
Though the limbs, when not attached to the tree, seem long and awkwardly gnarled in different ways, they are perfect when part of the whole. We are each one significant part of the body of Christ. We can’t function alone, but when we are together, we make something great.
The lives of trees represent, in so many ways, the life we live physically and spiritually. There is the obvious birth, growth, and demise represented by the change of the leaves as seasons go by, but think about this:: Have you ever seen a baby tree—one maybe only a few inches high that my mother would fondly call a ‘charlie brown tree?’ The bark is smooth, the leaves small and delicate…easily broken by things bigger and stronger, yet still persistent and standing confidently. I don’t know how many of you are around little kids, but they are similar. Older trees are wiser—the storms they’ve weathered and the rain they’ve used to grow shows easily through their size and the rings that are found in their trunks. The bark, though rough and ostensibly ugly, only adds to their stately appearance. Spiritually, we are somewhat weak in our beginnings, but as time goes on our faith grows and we are stronger and more knowledgeable in the Word. It is harder to bend and break us. The storms of life that may come have to be that much stronger to knock us down for we have found strength in something that is not easily swayed.
For as we grow…our roots dig deeper and deeper. With each storm, our roots spread a little farther and hold a little tighter. As we are faced with trials in our lives, we dig deeper in God’s Word, drawing strength from promise after promise in every scripture. However, if we don’t we are weak and easily blown with the wind. If you’re ever in a storm outside, stop and take a look at the trees. The ones that are alone generally will sway more than those that are in groups. Surround yourself with friends of like faith. They will strengthen you in the storms that you go through in life. They will lift you up to the Lord in your struggles and will celebrate and praise the Lord with you. They will be your shoulder to lean on when you need it, an ear to listen when you just need to vent, and a source of great encouragement…this I know from experience. I have been blessed with incredible friends throughout my life—some that are no longer in my life and some that I pray will stay forever. There’s just a different sort of feeling to be with friends who share your same faith in the Lord. They touch your heart like other friends just can’t. The Bible says that where two or three are gathered, the Lord will be there in the midst. Just think about that one.
Trees also bear fruit in due season – bananas, apples, pears, acorns, pecans, and so forth – and are known by what fruits they produce. We also are known by our fruits, our actions. We are associated with the Lord through our actions. Sure, inward faith is extremely important, but as James says, faith without works is vain.
It’s taken me days to write this note. I have tried many times to put into words my love for trees – their beauty physically and spiritually – but it’s been a task for me. I suspect I could spend weeks, months, years writing on my love for trees and my love for my Savior who has created them. It takes me a while to get where I'm going sometimes because I’m just fascinated by the trees—the shelter they provide, the beauty they bring to the area….the ones that lean… I like the ones that lean. They’ve got that much more soul. ;)

:edit: (23 March 2010)
about trees in groups - it is also an interesting parallel how Matthew 18:20 says where two or three are gathered in the name of the Lord, HE is in the midst ... kind of like those trees - regardless of the overflowing joys or the storm that may be raging...if we stand together HE is with us, protecting us and strengthening us.
Also, a note on the cross as a tree here

class registration

Wow. There is not a bigger pain in my left kidney than class registration / advisement.
It's crammed.
They don't tell you about it until it's about to bite you in the knee-pit.

After much deliberation...this is what next semester is looking like:

1. Intro to Lit Studies 11-11:50 (this is hard..I dropped it once before)
2. Old Testament 1-1:50 (put ya game face on)
3. Shakespeare 2-3:15 (it's required.)

4. Astronomy 9:30-10:45 (with mere. hard, but I need a science..and this is it)
5. Throwing Clay 1-2:30 (I wanted to do hand, but it didn't fit..like painting didn't fit)

that's 16 hours. I may do raquetball...T/H 12:30-1:45. which would be 17 hours and raquetball would end in October, thank the Lord!

needless to say, I am exhausted. My bed is covered with papers and notebooks. My 7 page research essay rough draft (due by Friday, mind you) has not been started outside of a little research today. I have a Lit test tomorrow that I has barely had a thought and I have homework for my writing class that has yet to be touched.
but I have been doing stuff all night!
I'd love for summer to come a little quicker, however....that would mean less time for me to finish all of this stuff. boy oh boy.

22 March 2010

snow what?!

Saturday: sunshine, flip-flops, no jacket whatsoever.
Monday: snow in Rome.
what IS this?! It's supposed to be warm again by Wednesday. I can't wait.

The real reason for this post has nothing to do with snow or sunshine, though.
I was listening to the radio on the way to Kroger after my Relay for Life meeting around 6:30. The song was "Grace Flows Down" by Christy Nockels - not one you hear on the radio every day to say the least. It's short so here are the lyrics:

Amazing Grace
How sweet the sound
Amazing Love
Now flowing down
From hands and feet
That were nailed to the tree
As Grace flows down and covers me
It covers me
It covers me
It covers me
And covers me

The part about the tree caught my attention. I'm sure this doesn't surprise you.  
I was floored.
Think about this:

Yeshua died on a cross. This cross was created from a tree...a tree that was once alive but was killed. Yeshua was stretched across it - arms raised high, feet straight down - covering this tree. 

Throughout the scriptures Israel, Adonai's people, are referred to as trees - references including but not limited to Mark 8:24, Isaiah 55:12, and most notably Psalm 1:3. If you think about trees, there are so many symbols of US that they represent. I think I've explained some of what I've come to realize about that already. (It may be on Facebook. I will find it and attach it). [Edit: tree note on facebook]

Do you see how this ties in, though?

Yeshua died on a tree...He died COVERING a tree. He is OUR covering...He was the spotless sacrifice for our sin. The wages of sin is death. We, being dead, were covered by His grace...from fingertip to fingertip...from head to bloody toe. He stretched out Himself to cover us...to protect us...to save us.


21 March 2010

Spring Break

What a week.

good times. bad times. fights. laughter. I don't think you could find a more mixed up week, especially coming off of last week being as stressful as it was.

still have homework, of course, that I put off stupidly and will have to finish all of tomorrow. looks like my day will be spent on the road and in the books.

tonight broke me, though.
one hundred percent broken.

17 March 2010

Insecurities say hello

This book has rocked me.
I'm only through chapter two.

The first two chapters identified insecurities that I didn't know I had. And let me tell you, as soon as they are brought into the spotlight, my first reaction is to run right back with them into hiding. it's like I'm superglued to them - where they go, I go.

12 March 2010

thought process: obliterated

1. forgot my meds. (yeah..I forget to wake up sometimes...regularly taking meds = bad for forgetful people)
2. ate some pizza (with red tomatoey goodness...on a bagel)
3. uber-stress culmination (seriously....one of the most stressful weeks of my life)
4. cried....about three rivers worth (I mean...I was almost crying UP..so I'd give the Nile a run for it's money)
5. went to sleep l.a.t.e. after packing

1. woke up...dizzy.
2. called mom - dizzy = sinus drainage...drink some apple juice and eat a cracker
3. one cracker and two juiceboxes later: TUM IS ANGRYYYYY (I have an ornery old man living in there, just so you know...his name is Wilbur)
4. try to sleep...no such luck
5. call mom...Pepto. stop eating tomatoes. drink water.
6. swallow pepto pills, gag.
7. almost throw up..................burp. (according to doc: stomach lining is irritated causing me to reflux REALLY.BADLY...possibly brought on by one or all of the following: excessive caffeine, monumental stress, itty-bitty sleeps, bad food eating)
8. back to bed. sleep for an hour. wake up having to pee (excessive amount of water intake, obviously)
9. take meds..early, but still....and eat yogurt.

it's not even 11am.

10 March 2010

hopelessness and helplessness

"When believers are totally outnumbered and no one stands with us in godliness, few are strong enough to resist lowering the standard to relativity. Proverbs 21:10 warns us not to 'move an ancient boundary stone.'" - Beth Moore.

keep checking back..this is going to get longer after dinner.


First of all, I should be writing an essay, but that's beside the point.

I can't explain how many times in the past twenty-four hours that I have simply ran into God's clothes-lining throat karate chop.
Make plans: HIS plan prevails.
Think you've got it all under control..think again. it's not yours to control in the first place.
pretty sure you let go and let God handle all your relationships: might want to take your little white knuckles off of them first.

One cannot stand alone. A friend once told me that you'll see trees thriving together...TOGETHER...and those standing alone are more prone to falling at the mercies of the elements or any number of other things.
This is true in us..we, as followers of Christ, m.u.s.t. stand united. Division...division does nothing but divide.
Now, listen. I know you're thinking that was the dumbest statement you've ever seen or heard, but hear me out. Since when does God divide His people? Yes, there were 12 tribes, but they were united together as the children of Israel. He surely parted the Red Sea AND the Jordan River, but ALL HIS PEOPLE, TOGETHER, walked across on dry land. Amen?
Then why do we stand divided? Oh, that's right - we don't stand! The body has need of its every part - that is why we, together, as individual pieces of the body of Christ with specific duties (let me add - YOU ARE NOT THE SAME!),

Dividing ourselves only hurts ourselves. One part cannot say to the other that it is better and the other is worthless because with out BOTH, NEITHER would function correctly.

Who are we that we think we can let petty, insignificant, arrogant, prideful lusts of the flesh divide us? WE ARE ALL SPECIAL - I know you heard that in elementary school! So STOP saying to your brothers and sisters that they aren't worth it. If it has been created by God, it has been created WITH SPECIFIC PURPOSE FOR THE GLORY OF GOD.

Now, stand united.

:We know where the Spirit of the Lord is:

Guys, I can't stress enough

go.buy. the new Passion CD. I don't have it yet, but I'm streaming Live Link from Monday night off the website. It's only going to be up for 24 hours though...so I'd definitely go check that if you get a chance.

these songs are written on my heart. They each hold such a special meaning to me - each signifies a promise that God has given me...that He has fulfilled from the very beginning of time. It's absolutely fantastic.

Have you ever stumbled on a promise - one you didn't know was there? HOW GREAT!! I absolutely love it!! They are everywhere in the Bible...we just overlook them in our quest to find what will make our actions and thoughts acceptable. How terrible that we miss what God is saying to us - His whispers of love and promise to us. wow!

He is the COVENANT MAKER and relationship keeper.
He is the ultimate server - the doorholder.
He brings restorations.
He heals the torn.
He is the center.


what an incredible word. it comes from the Greek word kentein - to prick.
He pricks our hearts, yes?

"We run with passion for Your name" - for Ha Shem!

09 March 2010

sooong and prooocrastination

Arise and be comforted
For the Lord, He is good to the weary
And even the young heart can tire and fall
But He knows them all
For the Lord, He will renew their strength
And they will soar on wings as eagles
And they will run and never grow weary
They will walk and not grow faint
For the Lord, He is good
Lift your eyes to the heavens
For the creator is living in you
Come surrender as you are

And know that you’ll never stray too far
Let His power within you heal your heart
Lift your eyes to spacious skies
Let Him chart your way to flight
Spread your wings and fly
For the Lord, He is good

-"Arise and Be Comforted" by Watermark




ask me a a question =)

Doorholder, ninja-in-training

Doorholders or doormen make me think of those guys outside the hotels when Kate Hudson or Julia Roberts come waltzing in, upset from a break up or bad night with a guy. They have a smile on their face and are ready to greet their patrons, inviting them inside. They don't mind dogs, like the guys on that Disney show...you know, with Zach & Cody (the twins) and the Tipton Hotel.

Interjection: The images God brings us in our lives are so incredible. We are so blind to them...I assure you that there are tons if you will only look around you!!

Last night on Passion 2011 Live Link..wow. Louie Giglio spoke on being doorholders..
It's great that we go to events like Passion and even to church/synagogue..but we are so often stingy with that. We want it all...we want to always be in the presence of Adonai...to the point that we can't associate with people "outside."
Yet, isn't "the great commission," as it is referred to, that we go to the nations and preach the gospel....beyond that, aren't we told multiple times in Scripture to help the widows and the poor? Not selfishly or even necessarily with the overall motive of 'converting' them to our beliefs, but to HELP them. (Isaiah 61;  Mark 16)
Concurrently (big word: at the same time), we shouldn't live among the world in such a way that says to those around us "well yeah, I've been in the presence of God ... but it didn't change me at all. I still act like you do and do what you do." That's wrong. God uses Isaiah to tell us to "come out of her my people!" (Isaiah 52)
"her" being THE WORLD. We are to be IN the world but not OF the world. (Romans 12:2)
Like Moses and Abraham who BOTH encountered God FACE-TO-FACE, we should return different...with a glow...after we have been in the presence of the glory of Adonai. Our faces should be different. We should be changed. Moses was only able to see the BACK of Adonai because His glory was too great...and yet he STILL came down from the mountain with a face that was changed!!!
We have walked on holy ground with our bare feet and have seen the glory of Adonai...HOW CAN WE RETURN THE SAME?!

We should be EAGER and ANXIOUS even to stand at the door for others to enter in. We should not receive that our worlds will forever be separate. We should stand as intercessors, as those in the middle, for the ones on both sides...to open the door for those who are in the presence of Adonai to RUN to tell others! We should stand and open the door with inviting faces, understanding (and maybe a few hugs) for those who are wondering what this "presence of God" is about. We should stand in the middle. (2 Cor 5:8)

Doesn't this bring new meaning to being CHRISTIANS - CHRIST-LIKE?!... we so often forget the meaning and responsibility behind that word!!!!  Yeshua stands as intercessor for us. He is the ULTIMATE doorholder...should we not strive to be like that? To desire only to see the faces of others changed by the glory and power of the LORD MOST HIGH?!

Beth Moore says "Ain't no high like the MOST HIGH!" ... and let me tell you, THERE AIN'T! That high will rock your face - literally!!!

Let's shed this selfish skin and get rid of our stubborn, self-indulgent, VAIN motives!!! Ecclesiastes tells us that EVERYTHING is vain outside of God's glory! We all tend toward selfishness. Outside of God, why shouldn't we?! BUT, if you have encountered the love and mercy of God that BENDS YOU like a tree amidst a hurricane (yes, we even fall in the face of His MERCY - the very thing that is meant to save us!) and you have escaped unchanged, then our God is not who He says He is.

and I can assure you...He is who He says He is. He is unchanging. He is who He was when Abraham encountered Him. He is who He was when Paul was blinded by His majesty. He will be the same beyond the end of time.

Do Not Hoard Your Blessing. GOD BLESSES US SO THAT WE CAN BLESS OTHERS!!  (It's amazing how God brings things together from different aspects of your life...found this when doing my homework for Bible Study - Beth Moore's "Patriarchs" study...that she wrote over 5 years ago...)

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 "Blessed be the God and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the GOD OF ALL COMFORT. He comforts us in ALL our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For as the sufferings of Christ overflow to us, so our comfort overflows through Christ."


3 9 10

Ecclesiastes 4:12

"And if somebody overpowers one person, who can resist him. A chord of three strands is not easily broken."

08 March 2010

I have a feeling

this is going to be one of the hardest weeks of my life.
and none of it has to do with school.


on the way home last night I saw this rather amusing RV towing a red trailer with the words "SIN WAGON" written in blue.
how symbolic of our lives.

we pack up on this journey through life - to find ourselves, truth, or whatever it is that we're looking for - and simply carry around our little "sin wagon." It holds all the things we've done wrong...a personal playhouse for Satan, himself. It holds reminders of what we've done wrong, the ways we showed our stubbornness and took over our lives...the things that we're trying to forget.

yet we are the ones holding on to it.

like looking at an old photo album, we want to look at all the things we've done wrong and have satan sit on our shoulder and tell us what horrible people we are.

stop wallowing in self pity and unhook that thing! God has thrown our sins as far from us as possible...yet we're still wanting to hold on to them.

what kind of a faith is that?
sounds like a lack of one to me.


okay, I really should update for real. I know that was harsh, but sometimes you need it. After crying for a good thirty minutes and finishing well-overdue homework, it is time.
I am brutally honest in my writing - it's easier than talking in person. Not necessarily that I can erase to keep from saying something that will potentially hurt feelings, but because my fingers have a better sense of their purpose than my mouth does when it comes to expressing feelings, ideas, or recapturing events.

This weekend was fantastic and absolutely horrible for many of the same reasons. Contradictory...normal.
The benefit Saturday was great - Citizens of Heaven, MidSouth, Ninja, Hannah, and everyone else involved in putting it together did an absolutely terrific job. I haven't been so proud in so long! The cars were beautiful as well....TO say the ABSOLUTE least. =)
Stress is something that is difficult to deal with under such circumstances, though. One way to know your friends is by seeing who comes out on the other side with you.
Montana's Saturday night was beyond hilarious. For some reason, I could Not stop laughing. Ninja was just cracking me up with his jokes and such.
SPEAKING of Ninja...today is his birthday .. so a big HI-YA to the Ninja man. =)
We missed liturgy Saturday as well, but it was so good to have Shabbat dinner with the Butlers on Friday night. Absolutely fantastic. :)
Sunday I cried a few buckets of tears. Digging in the Word didn't seem to mend the brokenness. From my experience, which may be much to some and much less to others, *is it harder to watch someone close to you hurt than it is to experience that pain yourself.*
I can't quite explain that. I could try...but for time purposes and because I just don't feel led to, I won't.

I'll just leave it at that.

There's one important bit of information I've left out...well, a few, I'm sure, but one in particular i'm thinking about right now.

I was sitting at the Butlers' after Shabbat dinner watching Mrs Cheryl make signs for Saturday's food with her phenomenal new box of Sharpies - they are incredible. I decided to check my mail for a second - I'm sure there was a reason - and had a sweet message from a lady named Heather. She is blessing me in an incredible way. I just want to tell you guys. wow. God is good..and even in the face of trials, He provides. Jehovah Jireh- our provider. His names are each a promise to us and we should hold onto them like that. there is POWER in His name- SPEAK His name and darkness will flee...but we don't do that. We SHOULD - we NEED TO! He put power there for a reason!!!

But...thank you Heather - for being God's hands and feet. :) You are a blessing!1

alright, relay for life team captain's meeting at 6:30...and I haven't made a list of what we're talking about yet. oh boy. p.s. if you'd like to donate...go here: Berry College Relay for Life!
that's actually my personal page. feel free to look around at all our other teams!


edit: 11:28pm

this week might be tough, but tonight was sure good. Passion 2011 Live Link..wow. can't wait to get those songs on my ipod. I'll be shouting for all 26,000 acres of this place to hear. :)
Someone told me I was a ninja.
Live Link was so good tonight with my Julifrann! We haven't had any quality franntime in a while. How precious to catch up!! She is such a blessing.

let me tell you a proclamation from tonight...a realization, a declaration if you will..

the sickness, the division.
it ends to night.

04 March 2010

Judaism in Victorian England

I'm too excited to work on my homework......

because I'm that idiot who changes topics MID-semester for a 15 page research paper that requires an in-class presentation.

but I just can't help it.

I mean...you'd pick something like changes in religious life in 19th century England or Judaism in Victorian England over mother/daughter relationships in 19th century England: the truth behind the perceptions.


03 March 2010

Hakuna Matata and glow-in-the-dark paint

Today's a normal Tuesday, right? Well, if you leave out the random snow this morning and the ambulance outside my dorm earlier in the evening.

I'm beginning to realize that there is no such thing as a 'normal day' with the Lord. I should've learned that a while back; I know, I know.

While working on an essay rough draft - which I still haven't finished, by the way - I decided to switch up my playlist. I remembered a few key Disney songs that had been given me and I've been in the mood to watch Aladdin for the past few weeks - it all fit perfectly. One of these most important Disney songs was "Hakuna Matata." It means no worries for the rest of your...okay, I'm sure you know it. Anyone in the United States over the age of 4 should have seen that movie. If you know of someone who has not, please get them in touch with me. I will gladly find a copy for them to borrow (I don't own it myself, unfortunately).

Think about that though: Hakuna Matata -- no.worries.
How often does God call us to that? James 1:2 says we should be joyful in our trials and temptations. Isaiah 51 and 52 tell us not to be discouraged by the words others would speak against us. Paul says numerous times that as Christians we WILL be persecuted and Matthew says those who disliked Yeshua would dislike us, surely. David cries out countless times in the Psalms: If God is for us, who can stop us? If God is with us, what can stand against us? What do we have to fear? GREATER is He who is in us that he who is in the world.
Isn't that true?!
In Romans 8, Paul tells us that there is NOTHING that can separate us from God's love - we should be PERSISTENT in prayer and PATIENT in our afflictions..because by Yeshua, enshrouded in the Shekhinah of Adonai, we are MOOOOOORE than conquerors!!

Then why don't we go around shouting, "GLORY TO GOD, HAKUNA MATATA," because our Savior has rescued us from the pits of hell and has risen again....so that we have no more worries for the rest of our days. It IS a problem free philosophy - it is unfailing, unshakable!!


I painted a picture for Mr. Keith last week and gave it to him last Saturday after service. It was gray with black and white swirls all over. On top of that in glow in the dark paint were ninjas...fighting ones...and Hebrews 4:12 (modified) :: "God's Word is quick, powerful, and sharper than a (Samari) sword." This is significant to Mr. Keith..because he's a ninja, but that's a different story for a different time - it may already be in one of my Passion2010 posts from January sometime.
There was a big to-do about the glow-in-the-dark paint and how cool it was that Michaels had it and the way it made the ninjas glow - it was just great. I was thinking about it tonight for some reason - there was really no prompting - and realized this:

If the paint is not in the light for a little while to "charge," it will not glow. You have to let it sit in the light or put it close to the light bulb for a few minutes for it to be extra bright as soon as you turn the light off.
The paint glows the brightest immediately after the darkest darkness surrounds it and soon the glow fades.

WE ARE LIKE THAT PAINT!! If we don't spend time in the Word, soaking up the rays of the S-O-N, we fade and our light is no longer able to shine. Matthew 5 tells us we are the light of the world...we are to take the Word to the farthest reaches of this planet and tell everyone, but if we don't spend time walking with Yeshua, just existing in the presence of Adonai, we fade.
After conferences like Passion or camp we are positively glowing - people commented about it when the 10 of us from NA returned from Passion2010. We are excited to share the Word, we are pumped, we are full of energy and the strength of the Lord. But over time - let's say a month or two as it's now been - we lose it. We become weary. I've noticed that it's harder for me to wake up and get in the Word..it's harder for me to set time aside during the day. BUT, it's also harder for me to fight back. it's harder for me to sit in New Testament class with a discerning spirit, knowing that the subjects we are speaking on are imperative - much more so than a literature class or math class, though God has a hand in those as well and can teach you some of the coolest lessons if you'll pay attention in those classes.
Another scientific truth is this: if we don't spend time in the sunshine - the big bright light in the sky - we end up with a vitamin d deficiency and will get sick. Sure, we can take pills for that, but it's not as healthy or as beneficial to us as being in the very presence of the sunshine.
Similarly, if those little ninjas on Sensei Keith's picture don't spend time under a light bulb, but are constantly surrounded by darkness, they will get sick...they will lose their strength to shine.
MUCH the same, as I'm sure you have gathered, WE as Messianic believers, will lose our light if we "put it under a bushel" of darkness and do not spend time in the presence of the Shekhinah. Our witness will be lost, God's strength in us to control our flesh and our tongue will be lost. Everything will fall apart.
And let me tell you, you will see it if you just look.
It is IMPERATIVE that we spend time walking with the Lord EVERYDAY! Not just once or twice a week and service our youth or Bible study.
You have to eat!!! You have to feed on the Word or you starve spiritually!

be a fighting glowing ninja that sings Hakuna Matata! =)

02 March 2010


Alright guys...everything's finalized. Here's the lowdown:

saturday march 6
peach outlet shops (thank you Music Masters!)
Byron, GA
(it's right off 75...you know...where you see the "big peach")

Bring a friend, bring a tent, bring a donation, bring a chair. We've got the whole parking lot and we're going to be blasting some ridiculous music in praise to our King! You don't want to miss this.
*** Dick's Sporting Good's on Presidential Parkway in Macon is offering a 10% discount on any one(1) tent purchased for this cause, as well as a 20% discount on any six(6) tents purchased together for this cause.***


Drop off locations:
all MidSouth Federal Credit Union branches
  • Hartley Bridge Rd.
  • Mercer University Drive
  • Lasseter Place
  • N. Houston Rd in Warner Robins
  • Hammock Rd. NW in Milledgeville
  • Bobcat Bookstore on GCSU's campus in Milledgeville

this is step one in a three-part process to help these people who are definitely less fortunate than us. We live as kings and queens in their eyes. Send this information to your friends, family, coworkers, and anyone else you can think of that might be able to help us.

Can't wait to see YOU there...and see how God moves in us, united for Him!


I didn't finish my homework tonight-

school or otherwise.
My head can't concentrate.

Isaiah 51 & 52

"LISTEN TO ME, you who pursue righteousness, you who seek the Lord: LOOK TO THE ROCK from which you were cut, and to the quarry from which you were DUG. Look to Abraham, your father, and to Sarah who gave birth to you in pain. WHEN I CALLED HIM, HE WAS ONLY ONE; I BLESSED HIM AND MADE HIM MANY. For the Lord will comfort Zion; He will comfort ALL her waste places, and He will make her wilderness like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the Lord. JOY AND GLADNESS will be found in her, thanksgiving and melodious song. PAY ATTENTION TO ME, My people, and LISTEN TO ME, My nation; FOR INSTRUCTION WILL COME FROM ME, and MY JUSTICE for a light to the nations. I will bring it about quickly. My righteousness is NEAR, My salvation APPEARS, and my arms will bring justice to the nations. The coastlands will put their hope in Me, and they will look to MY STRENGTH. LOOK UP TO THE HEAVENS, and look at the earth beneath; for the heavens will vanish like smoke, the earth will wear out like a garment, and its inhabitants will die in like manner. BUT MY SALVATION WILL LAST FOREVER, AND MY RIGHTEOUSNESS WILL NEVER BE SHATTERED. LISTEN TO ME, you who know righteousness, the people in whose heart is My instruction: DO NOT FEAR DISGRACE BY MEN, AND DO NOT BE SHATTERED BY THEIR TAUNTS. For the moth will devour them like a garment, and the worm will eat them like wool. BUT MY RIGHTEOUSNESS WILL LAST FOREVER, AND MY SALVATION FOR ALL GENERATIONS.
Put on the strength of the Lord's power. WAKE UP as in days past, as in generations of long ago. Wasn't it You who hacked Rahab to pieces, who pierced he sea monster? Wasn't it You who dried up the sea, the waters of the great deep, who made teh sea-bed into a road for the redeemed to pass over? AND THE RANSOMED OF THE LORD WILL RETURN AND COME TO ZION WITH SINGING, crowned with UNENDING JOY. JOY and GLADNESS will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will FLEE.
I--I am the One who comforts you. Who are you that you should fear man who dies, or a son of man who is given up like grass? But you have forgotten THE LORD, YOUR MAKER, who stretched out the heavens and laid the foundations of the earth. You are in constant dread all day long because of the fury of the oppressor, who has set himself to destroy. BUT WHERE IS THE FURY OF THE OPPRESSOR? The prisoner is soon to be set free; he will not die and go to the Pit, and his food will not be lacking. FOR I AM THE LORD YOUR GOD WHO STIRS UP THE SEA SO THAT ITS WAVES ROAR--His name is Lord of Hosts. I HAVE PUT MY WORDS IN YOUR MOUTH, and covered you in the shadow of My hand, in order to plant the heavens, to found the earth, and to say to Zion, "YOU ARE MY PEOPLE."
STAND UP, Jerusalem, you who have drunk the cup of His fury from the hand of the Lord; you who have drunk the goblet to the dregs--the cup that causes people to stagger. There is no one to guide her among all the children she has raised; there is no one to take hold of her hand among all the offspring she has brought up. These two things have happened to you: devastation and destruction, famine and sword. Who will grieve for you? ow can I comfort you? Your children have fainted; they lie at the head of every street like an antelope in a net. They are full of the lord's fury, the rebuke of your God. So LISTEN TO THIS, afflicted and drunken one--but not with wine. This is what your Lord says--even your God, who defends His people--"Look, I have removed teh cup of staggering from your hand; that goblet, the cup of My fury. You will never drink it again. I will put it into the hands of  your tormenters, who said to you: Lie down so we can walk over you. You made your back like the ground, and like a street for those who walk on it.

Put on your STRENGTH, Zion!
Put on your beautiful garments, Jerusalem, the Hly City! For the uncircumcised and the unclean will no longer enter you. STAND UP, SHAKE THE DUST OFF YOURSELF!@ Take your seat, Jerusalem. Remove the bonds from your neck, captive Daughter Zion." For this is what the Lord says: "You were sold for nothing, and you will be redeemed without silver." For this is what the Lord God says: "At first My people went down to Egypt to live there, then Assyria oppressed them without cause. So now what I have I here" -- The Lord's declaration -- "that My people are taken away for nothing? Its rulers wail" -- The Lord's declaration-"and MY NAME is continually blsphemed all day long. Therefore MY PEOPLE WILL KNOW MY NAME; there fore they will know on that day that I am He who says: HERE I AM (HINENI)." How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of the herald, WHO PROCLAIMS PEACE, who brings news of good things, who proclaims salvation, Who says to Zion, "YOUR GOD REIGNS!" The voices of your watchmen--they lift up their voices, shouting for JOY together, you ruins of Jerusalem! FOR THE LORD HAS COMFORTED HIS PEOPLE: He has redeemed Jerusalem. The lord has displayed His holy arm in the sight of all the nations; ALL THE ENDS OF THE EARTH WILL SEE THE SALVATION OF OUR GOD.
Leave, leave, go out from there! Do not touch anything unclean; go out from her, purify yourselves, you who carry the vessels of the Lord. For you will not leave in a hurry, and you will not have to take flight; because THE LORD IS GOING BEFORE YOU, and GOD OF ISRAEL IS YOUR REAR GUARD. See, My servant will act wisely; he will be raised and lifted up and greatly exalted. Just as many were appalled at You--his appearance was so disfigured that He did not look like a man, and His form did not resemble a human being--so he will sprinkle many nations. KINGS WILL SHUT THEIR MOUTHS BECAUSE OF HIM, FOR THEY WILL SEE WHAT HAD NOT BEEN TOLD THEM, AND THEY WILL UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY HAD NOT HEARD."

01 March 2010

"And if our God is for us..."

What a weekend.

traffic to Macon was ridiculous - a 2 hour drive took 4. My back was aching, my toes cramping, and my tummy rumbling. After finally dropping Jorg with Sierra and meeting Nan, we shopped for what seemed like an eternity though it wasn't long at all. Food came later as did decorating for Purim with Seth and Zach. My head started to explode so I slept while they figured out the logistics of it all. After lots of "fluffing" from Seth, we left. Bev drove us to Bentley who we dropped off at the Butlers. Then Nan and I were on our way home. Sleep didn't come until around 2 and the sun rose at 6am for us. We were out of the house Saturday morning by 7:30 and had visited two walmarts, target, party city, and mcdonalds by 9:30. The rest of the morning was a tizzy. We were setting up, gathering food, arranging table clothes, and making puppy chow. Ashley was there. The beloved Butlers were also running around with us- how grand to see their faces! We, unfortunately, didn't do Liturgy - basically my favorite thing ever - and the boys did not play because Ted Pearce came to speak/lead worship. He was grand, but not as grand as CoH. It was still a blessing to see God move...to see the joy that He brings. I couldn't stop smiling the entire time! I gave Sensei his picture - "Ninja Convention" - and he loved it. It glows in the dark. my Hannah was the recipient of the rope picture - "A three chorded strand is not easily broken" - because it so very specifically describes our friendship from its very beginning five years ago! The Purim feast for the children was grand. Nan's decorations were fantastic. The food was grand, except for the famine of chicken nuggets due to a slight annoyance. However, my Hannah showed her heart to those people. They cannot question her motives. Seth was even complimented by Scott Bombard for his impeccable fluffing abilities. I shared a few chicken nuggets with him. ZachE and I took turns carrying Hosanna, Hannah's lamb, around. She's a presh lamb.
We finally finished around 3 and went home to nap. Our presence had been requested at the Butlers for a movie night starting at 8. Of course we didn't wake up until after 7. Jonathan was being loud and obnoxious, not heeding cries for a bit of quiet, which only led to my foul mood for part of the evening. When we arrived, I was surprised and incredibly joyful to find that Cheryl had bought me a Bible!! How cool!! I've needed one - the one I've had for five years (the entirety of my friendship with Nan) has been falling apart for some time. It's beautiful and holds so much, but sometimes change is needed. It has the most beautiful cover - brown and maroon with a cool design! Leather, of course, and just grand. My first Bible NOT in KJV. New start? yes. Now, I am the proud owner of a beautiful journal given to me by my beautiful Diana and a Bible from dear Cheryl! I am so blessed. Literally...my heart is gushing.
Saturday night's movie selection included One Night With The King and some pizza - n.o.m. It didn't make me sick. :) I love watching movies with friends. To most it seems like a pointless event where you learn nothing about your friends and aren't able to talk to them, therefore making it the least amount of fun. I disagree. The not talking is only leaving room for your hearts to talk. I'm convinced they do while we are simply sitting. It is good to just be in the presence of such great people - to know that they love you - to sit beside them and close your eyes and still know they are there. Maybe it's just a pat on the back or a smile, but it's more important than the words you could speak. We ended up staying to watch videos Seth had made - hilarious if I do say so myself - and just talking. It was beautiful fun. Quality time at its greatest. "Those Nights" by Skillet does a good job of emphasizing their importance. :) Finally we were on our way home. We slept well into the afternoon - 1pm! Our intentions were to be back in Macon at NA around 5 for the "college & singles" ice cream social. Somehow we ran late. Hannah needed to be there at 4, but I'm sure we didn't leave the house until well after 4. After grabbing my car, topped by Gary (Seth's cat), we booked it to NA and made it in the nick of time where Seth threw erasers at me (that started Friday night). The boys played some pretty incredible worship. Two of my favorite songs - Our God is Greater and How He Loves - were in the mix. What a joy to hear them in person instead of on the phone this time!! We watched Louie Giglio's "Fruitcake and Ice cream" and I just cried. There were so many references to places and people in my life. I was, and still am, struggling with school. I know there is purpose right now, but for how long? Yet to ask God to put a time frame on something is ridiculous. Waiting is key - see John Waller's "While I'm Waiting."
Leaving was hard - it gets harder every time. Thankfully I cried enough during Louie's talk that my tears were gone by the time I left...or at least far enough back in there that I could hold on to them. Mrs Cheryl hugged me tons before I left, which was the perfect medicine for a heart with so many pieces in so many places. She's just beautiful! If you don't know her, you're missing out. I promise. So I hugged all the boys, Laila (new frann!-Hannah has talked so much about her) and my Diana one last time....and jumped in Ben and ran away to Riverside to grab Jorg. It only took us 2 hours to get home- a record considering Friday's trek to Macon took so long.
And here I sit....unable to concentrate on an essay rough draft because thoughts from this weekend are running through my head like three or four different rivers.
Maybe I will do it in the morning.
I will sleep tonight...peacefully. Yeshua and I have so much to talk about - my family is so incredible. What a blessing to finally be part of a family who wants nothing more than to follow hard after the Lord.
What a blessing to have a Diana...MY Diana!