He is the down payment of our inheritance, for the redemption of the possession, to the praise of His glory."

Ephesians 1:14

Not Without Love

1. Romans 13:8 says, "Do not owe anyone anything except to love one another, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law." I have meditated on this scripture so many times over the past five years. What does it mean to only owe LOVE to those around you. That's led me in many directions, but most specifically at this point in my life, I feel like a lot of that love deals with honesty and transparency, and these rely heavily on what I say. I don't like breaking promises and I cannot stand to make a promise I know I cannot keep. This might explain my inability to make decisions. Maybe I have commitment issues? I don't think that's quite the problem. I struggle with my words and think them over so much sometimes because I want to make sure my words are honoring my heart - God - but when emotion takes over, it's so hard not to make a promise or give my word when it shouldn't be given.

2. I read a verse last Friday night that I've never read before:

Romans 2:11 There is no favoritism with God.

 3. I've been on a Jimmy Needham kick for the past few nights after hearing "Dearly Loved" at Cups and Mugs - what a powerful song. I haven't found one of Jimmy's songs that isn't transparent and upfront about God in a real way - there's no sugarcoating or dancing around the truth. It's a 20-something-year-old guy with a guitar singing the Truth. At the end of each album he adds what is called the Benediction. Each one is a poem that prompts each listener to examine his or her heart, mind, and intentions. This specific benediction is from Jimmy's second album, "Not Without Love." It is powerful.

middle

Well, it's Wednesday. Halfway through this week of insanity.
I have one ten page paper to write before tomorrow at 10am and a test on Friday at 10:30am.
Not. Too. Bad.

I've had Beautiful Exchange stuck in my head all day - I woke up with it playing on repeat up there. I even looked up the chords. Too bad I'm at work all day. Jude and I will get quality time tomorrow, I hope.

My painting is finished, but I forgot to take a picture. I'll add that later this afternoon after I go to class. I'll actually add pictures of all of them on this post so you can take a gander at my garish work. I've definitely enjoyed the class, but I feel like I know LESS about what I'm doing now than when I started.
Isn't that how things work, though? I feel like I know absolutely nothing about writing an essay, though I've been writing them for years now. I feel like I know less about God than I ever have...but I am closer to Him now than ever. I don't mind that so much. There's beauty in not understanding. Don't mistake that for confusion. I'm not confused about God...just very much incapable of understanding.

As much as our words hold little value and mean absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things, I love them. Words. Words. Words. What can words possibly mean? They are supported by nothing. I heard a story one time of a woman who believed the earth was resting on the back of a giant turtle. Someone asked her what that turtle was standing on. She said another turtle, and so on. Our words are like that. You can't honestly say you trust the word of every person you come into contact with. That takes time. And even when you trust the promises someone gives you, it's through seeing their actions back up those words.
Faith without works is vain, yes?
All of that to say this: I love the analogies we make for our Father's love. They are new everyday. Even if one song has said it a million times, it will hit you so hard in the face sometimes and just blow your mind. I love it.
I don't know if I heard this somewhere and wrote it in my journal a year ago or if it's original, but I love it:
"Take hostage our hearts, Father."
Take hostage our hearts, Lord, and steal us away from every distraction we would long for outside of You.

I'm so quick to move instead of listening to You.
I'm Your child. Take my heart.
Obedience to me, impart.
still.

--

From Drop Box

(the first 4 paitings in this order: bottom left, top right, top left, bottom right)

From

(self portrait)

From arts

(This one's the final. Bad quality photo, but the painting's not any better than what you see..seriously my least favorite)

until March 9

Jason Upton's "Freedom Reigns" is just about as good as you can get right now until March 9th when the Passion 2010 CD, Awakening, is released. At that time, you will be so marvelously blessed to know ... well, the whole CD is legit. I recommend it. Those songs are written on my heart now after Passion this year. Three days of singing them....how can they not be?
It can be awkward when you walk into a place of worship and don't know the words to the songs. You end up mumbling and staring at the words on a screen, if there is one, and you don't get much out of the worship. We have a hard time letting go of the words...of the control of how we worship.
Let me tell you, by the time we got to Passion - all of us, 26,000 students, not just our 10 - were ready to let go. We were ready to just let.go. and worship. It didn't matter that we were in a room full of thousands we didn't know. It didn't even matter that we may or may not be sitting in the order on the row that we wanted to sit in or that the people around us were people we knew. We all battled to get there, struggled against principalities and powers, against time and emotions, against mentality and organization, against sickness and "impossible."
To struggle to get somewhere, knowing that satan had a red flag on every single one of our heads, and finally reach the goal, SUCCEED - yet not by our own strength, but HIS - and to find UNITY there!..how incredible.... Better yet, to rest at the feet of Yeshua. wow. To say that He "leads us by the still waters" is an understatement. We had mini lives just trying to get to Passion! Sitting at the feet of Yeshua we sang to Him the songs that are on this "Awakening" album. We worshiped Him. We found sweet peace and mercy at His feet. Grace DID abound, and His love overflowed in us. We would not have made it to Tuesday had we not entered the GWCC and Philips Arena to find such souls as Christy, Chris, Matt, and Kristian to lead us to the throne room.
Adonai gave them a vision, gave them words, and led them there with the talent and sincerity that HE needed to get us to where He wanted us. They served as intercessors, preparers, ushers, servants to the King. For the next three days we were poured into, broken, burned, filled, and restored. The Spirit of the Lord was there; there we found liberty, freedom, reigning...raining.

connect-the-dots

Do you guys remember those pictures in coloring books or that you'd get in elementary school where there were parts of the picture you could see...but for the rest of it, there were dots with numbers?....You had to draw a line connecting consecutive dots to finalize the outline of the picture.



I spent three hours this morning connecting spiritual dots from verse to verse to passage to verse to verse to longer passage to fact to faith to belief.


Connecting the dots was never more fun - I feel like an elementary school kid..but in the best kind of school. =)

blurg

Parents bother me sometimes...with the words they say and don't mean, the ones they DO mean.
They tell you not to burn bridges, but they're lighting the match as the seconds tick on the clock.
God calls for us to forgive and forget, but somewhere inside I don't think that means be stupid.
Learning through experience that some people will hurt you repetitively isn't the sweetest, but it's necessary.
Should you continue to trust this person? I think that it's possible to trust someone after they've hurt you so.
Should you continue to rely on them and allow them into your inner circle? No. Reliability is gained, like trust.
I don't think that forgiveness means we are required to give others the means to hurt us again and again.
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." I've heard this phrase so many times in life.
Ironically, I'm beginning to think it's true. I don't want to, because I want to trust others.
I'm beginning to realize it might not be a matter of my desire, but rather of their desire.
Whoever said "words can never hurt me," was only putting up a front. That phrase is written boldly on the mask I wear.

------------------------------------

I have four best friends - four. I realized this last night..or the other day. I'm not quite sure when I realized it. All of a sudden, I just knew.
While I have many close friends and people that I value dearly, there are four that 'stick closer than a brother.' There are four that I would call if I won the Lottery. There are four that I know will be here in a split second, regardless of the circumstances.
Four.