01 January 2011

Day one: disrespect

Would it be okay for me to blame the events of the last 20 hours on the fact that Chickfila and Zaxby's BOTH closed before 8:30pm last night?

I get fed up really easily when people change plans back and forth multiple times. It's one of my pet peeves....to say the absolute least.
We usually go to Gramma's on New Year's Day for lunch. Yesterday during the day mom said she wasn't going, but changed her mind saying we'd end up going down there anyway. I woke up this morning to her saying she wasn't going & she'd called Aunt DeAnn to see if they were going, but Aunt DeAnn was sick. So we weren't going at all. Lauren's dad called her a few minutes later saying for her to come home because they were going. I told her I wasn't - by this time I was getting fed up. I came to my room to start some football when mom comes in and says that if I want to go she'll take me down there, it's not a problem. I told her I wasn't going to make her go if she didn't want to go in the first place & it was going to put her in a bad mood. She kept insisting she would go if I wanted to. (By this time, I'm getting even more fed up.) I told her no, that I didn't want to go. Twenty minutes later (it's around 11:30 by now btw), dad comes in and says that he and mom are going down there for lunch but coming right back and he wants me to go. I told him I just really didn't want to - I was tired of all the plan switching and I just want someone to make up their mind. He took a ridiculously long shower, then I got in. Mom knocks on the door when I got out and said Lauren said would I pretty please come. Okay, pet peeve #2, don't go talking to people about me wanting to or not wanting to do something & then come tell me their opinion to side with you or whatever. That makes me angry too. That's just sneaky and sly and not nice. I told her that..but in fewer, nicer words. I barely got to my room when dad comes knocking on the door, "uhm. are you going with us?" I told him I had just got out of the shower and had a lot to do before I got ready and i was already 12:30. He said he wasn't trying to rush me but wanted to know. I was quiet for a while. He got angry because I didn't say anything. I finally said no. Then he said, "No what? What question are you answering?" ....... I don't even understand this part. I told him to stop asking so many questions & he wouldn't be so confused. Then I started fixing my hair. Around 1, I walked into the kitchen to grab some food. Dad came in there & started yelling about me being disrespectful and he never expects anything from me because that's all I am and I'm never any better. I said some stuff that I shouldn't have said because it was really disrespectful, but I didn't mean to..I opened my mouth and it just came out. So then he slapped me, grabbed my wrists, & pushed me into the hall. If you know anything about me, now or in the past, when people grab me like that, I lose control. Maybe I watched too much tv growing up, I don't know. It just sends me into a place where I have no control, which is obviously not good in a situation like this. This is the second time dad's dared to do that to me. The last time I ran out the door in the rain & didn't come back for a few hours. Needless to say, mom then told me to pack my bags because it was time for me to leave. In my head, I wanted to say I wish I'd never come home & I was ready to leave six days after I got here, but I didn't. I did point out yesterday that stuff like this is why I told them Christmas morning I wouldn't ever come home and stay for more than six days after this break.
I shut the door. They walked out the door & left. I fell asleep crying & woke up to Florida losing to Penn State at the half.
You'd think it was a dream.

I feel like I've tried harder this break than any other time at home to really be respectful to my parents and not do something or say something or act some way that would upset them, but I still can't seem to make it work. I don't know what to do any more besides just not come home which just seems ridiculous.
I guess that's why my first memory verse for this year is Proverbs 10:19 "When there are many words, sin is unavoidable, bu the one who controls his lips is wise."

1 comment:

  1. Sweet Beth, I know how you feel :) We've discussed this many times. I love you, and am always here for you! MUAH!