08 March 2010

I have a feeling

this is going to be one of the hardest weeks of my life.
and none of it has to do with school.


on the way home last night I saw this rather amusing RV towing a red trailer with the words "SIN WAGON" written in blue.
how symbolic of our lives.

we pack up on this journey through life - to find ourselves, truth, or whatever it is that we're looking for - and simply carry around our little "sin wagon." It holds all the things we've done wrong...a personal playhouse for Satan, himself. It holds reminders of what we've done wrong, the ways we showed our stubbornness and took over our lives...the things that we're trying to forget.

yet we are the ones holding on to it.

like looking at an old photo album, we want to look at all the things we've done wrong and have satan sit on our shoulder and tell us what horrible people we are.

stop wallowing in self pity and unhook that thing! God has thrown our sins as far from us as possible...yet we're still wanting to hold on to them.

what kind of a faith is that?
sounds like a lack of one to me.


okay, I really should update for real. I know that was harsh, but sometimes you need it. After crying for a good thirty minutes and finishing well-overdue homework, it is time.
I am brutally honest in my writing - it's easier than talking in person. Not necessarily that I can erase to keep from saying something that will potentially hurt feelings, but because my fingers have a better sense of their purpose than my mouth does when it comes to expressing feelings, ideas, or recapturing events.

This weekend was fantastic and absolutely horrible for many of the same reasons. Contradictory...normal.
The benefit Saturday was great - Citizens of Heaven, MidSouth, Ninja, Hannah, and everyone else involved in putting it together did an absolutely terrific job. I haven't been so proud in so long! The cars were beautiful as well....TO say the ABSOLUTE least. =)
Stress is something that is difficult to deal with under such circumstances, though. One way to know your friends is by seeing who comes out on the other side with you.
Montana's Saturday night was beyond hilarious. For some reason, I could Not stop laughing. Ninja was just cracking me up with his jokes and such.
SPEAKING of Ninja...today is his birthday .. so a big HI-YA to the Ninja man. =)
We missed liturgy Saturday as well, but it was so good to have Shabbat dinner with the Butlers on Friday night. Absolutely fantastic. :)
Sunday I cried a few buckets of tears. Digging in the Word didn't seem to mend the brokenness. From my experience, which may be much to some and much less to others, *is it harder to watch someone close to you hurt than it is to experience that pain yourself.*
I can't quite explain that. I could try...but for time purposes and because I just don't feel led to, I won't.

I'll just leave it at that.

There's one important bit of information I've left out...well, a few, I'm sure, but one in particular i'm thinking about right now.

I was sitting at the Butlers' after Shabbat dinner watching Mrs Cheryl make signs for Saturday's food with her phenomenal new box of Sharpies - they are incredible. I decided to check my mail for a second - I'm sure there was a reason - and had a sweet message from a lady named Heather. She is blessing me in an incredible way. I just want to tell you guys. wow. God is good..and even in the face of trials, He provides. Jehovah Jireh- our provider. His names are each a promise to us and we should hold onto them like that. there is POWER in His name- SPEAK His name and darkness will flee...but we don't do that. We SHOULD - we NEED TO! He put power there for a reason!!!

But...thank you Heather - for being God's hands and feet. :) You are a blessing!1

alright, relay for life team captain's meeting at 6:30...and I haven't made a list of what we're talking about yet. oh boy. p.s. if you'd like to donate...go here: Berry College Relay for Life!
that's actually my personal page. feel free to look around at all our other teams!


edit: 11:28pm

this week might be tough, but tonight was sure good. Passion 2011 Live Link..wow. can't wait to get those songs on my ipod. I'll be shouting for all 26,000 acres of this place to hear. :)
Someone told me I was a ninja.
Live Link was so good tonight with my Julifrann! We haven't had any quality franntime in a while. How precious to catch up!! She is such a blessing.

let me tell you a proclamation from tonight...a realization, a declaration if you will..

the sickness, the division.
it ends to night.

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