The Relay season truly begins in February of each year. Berry's committee has been meeting since October, but now is the time for things to start HAPPENING instead of simply being planned.
Putting plans into action is intense. It's easy to do on a small scale, but with a bigger event there are just so many hoops to jump through...so many lists to be made.
I'm really excited about Relay this year. I'm excited because it's going to be INSIDE. I'm excited because my committee is on top of things. I'm excited because I've met so many survivors over the past few weeks that plan on attending. I'm excited to honor them...I'm excited to show off my God's power as Healer - both in life and in death.
But with that excitement comes quite a bit of anxiety and nerves. I'm nervous about pulling things together, and slightly fearful of speaking in front of people. I usually man up and do it (I'd never be caught dead in front of a group of people alone in high school..or any time before this time last year, really...), but I still get so nervous sometimes! I crack awful jokes. I stumble over my words. I feel like Josh Roberts a LOT. He's an encouragement, though. God uses Josh in all of his awkwardness and inability to sit still. God can and WILL use me too.
THAT excites me!
That also SCARES me. It's a phenomenal thought to know God is using you to bring fame to Him. If you really think about that - it seems wrong. God uses me to make much of Him. But it's SO right.
It scares me that maybe I'll mess up when He's trying to use me, but I know that He's covered me in His love and when I speak, He will speak through me. My words will be silent whispers. His will be profound. That's what matters. His love is FAITHFUL in all things - even when I am nervous.
"Let no one deceive himself. If anyone among you thinks that he is wise in this age, let him become a fool that he may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is folly with God. For it is written, "He catches the wise in their craftiness," and again, "the Lord knows the thoughts of the wise, that they are futile." So let not one boast in men. For all things are yours, whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future--all are yours, and you are Christ's, and Christ is God's." - 1 Corinthians 3:18-23
(A friend sent me this passage last night..blew my mind with the explanation of WHY this was so important to them...we're allowed to fall flat on our faces because God will still use it for His glory. We are HIS.)
Relay is important to me for so many reasons. I've discussed part of my story here. That's the part that gets me every time. I guarantee tears will fall on April 15th, if not before. I've also witnessed so many other lives being touched by cancer. It's ridiculous. But I can affirmatively say that I've seen more lives touched by my God.
I feel like I'm giving myself a pep-talk. Maybe I am. I covet your prayers over Relay and this situation more than I could ever express in words.
I'm a little nervous right now. I have a planner and a pocket calendar that I use to keep up with everything going on. It's overwhelming if I look at more than one day at a time.
I tweeted last night that I'm so thankful for this season of peace in my life. It seems ironic, but it's so true - I'm not worried about my friendships and I'm not overly fretful about my classes. Relay, however, is where my heart is right now. That's not a bad thing in the grand scheme of things, but it's not wonderful. I want my heart to stay with God and let go of the control I want to have over all of this. I've noticed changes in how I act/react to Relay-related things lately. It's wild. Sometimes I feel like I'm watching myself change.
Talk about vertigo.
I'm so thankful to serve along side this crazy awesome committee and the other incredible people in my life - From Heather in Texas to Matt in Perry to all the wonderful people right here in Rome. I don't know how I could overflow MORE with awe of God's blessings and love on my life.