14 March 2011

breathe your breath

Sometimes I wait an unrealistic amount of time between posts. God has been doing so much.

First of all, this past Thursday "started" my spring break. I finished my sonnet and turned it in, had a fabulous day of classes getting out EARLY, and ended up spending my evening at Cups and Mugs with two of the most beautiful ladies. The heart-to-heart that night really was a heart-to-heart. It's been a while since I've felt so light after leaving a place. Our hearts conversed just as much as if not more than we actually spoke out loud. I love those times. So much.
I love Cups and Mugs. So thankful for this place.

I've started noticing in the past few weeks how systematic my life has become. It's a given that classes will take up their allotted time, and work and meetings as well, but my friendships have become a business.
There are hours and time slots with specific people's names on them.

I can't stand it.

I'm the kind of person who flies with the wind and acts in the moment.  Spontaneous. I love the song "All My Fountains" by Chris Tomlin (this would be my half-shameless plug for the new Passion CD. DEF. worth investing in) because the lead guitar part sounds so spontaneous to me - it's upbeat and it goes with the rest of the song just because. It sounds like water. Water just flows. No one tells it where to flow. It just does. You can't keep it from moving. It's a free spirit.

I've been praying about this newly systematized way of relating to the people in my life and I just don't think it's right. To some extent you have to have planning, but not that much. You're not relate-able that way. Instead, you're doing business.

Just like in church..when systems are created to bring people together - whether it be a general checklist to put someone in a small group or get them involved at all in church (trying to avoid this..help?).  You can't learn about someone or be intimate with them if you only meet with them for an hour every week. You can't do life with people you only see for one of your 168 hours a week any more than you can be fed for one week in the hour you have at church on Sundays.
We don't work that way.
My heart. Your heart. Our hearts don't do that.
If we systemize and categorize and waffle everything we turn into robots.
That's not living.
That's not breathing.
That's definitely not loving.

Last Thursday's date at Cups and Mugs wasn't planned and God moved. Gosh..He m.o.v.e.d. I didn't expect Him to.....and honestly, I didn't ask Him to - I forget to ask. I forget to expect sometimes..a lot. But He came. "Where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there in the midst," Jesus says in Matthew 18:20. I feel like we've been gathering in the name of friendship. Conversations at these overly-planned dates start out with, "tell me about your life. Go."

I can't do that anymore. It hurts my heart and I'm trying to pursue a God who demands all of me...not a specific percentage. I can't give a specific percentage to His masterpieces either because He's called us to sharpen each other like iron sharpens iron, not two Q-tips. They don't sharpen each other. Eventually they just fall apart. I also can't encourage people to be in small groups with their friends and people they're already doing life with when I'm not doing life with my life group..

God's given us each other. Let's appreciate that, not take it for granted. Let's live together, not have business meetings. I want you in my life. I want you in my heart. I want our hearts to breathe together in the Spirit.
Let's do life together.

p.s. let's have group dates. please.

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