Kate

I've blogged about Kate McCrae before. She's this precious little girl who was diagnosed with brain cancer a few years ago. I came across her family this time last year right after she'd gone into remission. I've kept up via her CarePage and tweets from Matt Chandler as well as tweets from Kate's parents. Seriously, this girl is incredible, but more than that...our God is so huge. She went back for an MRI today and, without going into a ton of details, the MRI had no changes from last time (which is ridiculously good).

Gosh.
God is so good.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/mcraekate

Testify

I say a lot of things.


I was going to expand on that sentence, but I felt like it really just needed to stop there. I say a lot of things. I do.
My friends are often the topic of my conversations, blog posts, statuses, tweets, whatever. They usually show up...a hot ton. Even if I don't mention them, our catch phrases (hot ton being one of them) show up or something they said or even something we discussed.
God created us to be relational beings - hence why we desire such a deeply rooted relationship with HIM, though we often might put something else in the place of that.
He also created us to have relationships here on this earth. I can testify that I have learned so much about having relationships in the past few years. In high school, I invested my entire energy on maintaining relationships and smothered almost every single one of them. When I came to college, I wasn't so awesome at being friends and, honestly, I still put too much stock into them sometimes. I get caught up in learning about people and knowing them and being there for them that I go overboard. God has been working on me, though. I'm trying to be more diligent about feeling that same way with him - desiring His presence, wanting to know Him more and learn about Him.
It's definitely a learning process. Don't get me wrong - I absolutely adore time with my Abba Father, but I'm easily distracted by .. everything - school, relationships, anything yellow.......

None of that is the point of this post, though. I'm having an overboard moment and I want to express it here.
God used this really incredible analogy last year in the middle of an art history project to give me a glimpse of how He plans things. (I discussed this a little here and here.) He weaves the lives and paths of people together to create this wonderful, glorious picture.

I'm not quite sure where He's at in this picture, but I've been touching base with some pretty incredible people. Today was probably one of the worst days I've had in a while. I honestly didn't want to be in Rome anymore today - I wanted to hide out on some deserted (but WARM and SUNNY) island by myself and just sleep forever. I've just been exhausted for the past two days - mentally, emotionally, physically, and in every way possible. Today was just the pinnacle of it all. I was drained and couldn't shake it, but I was constantly running into someone who would encourage me or just smile or say "hey friend" and talk with me for a bit.
Tonight I actually got the opportunity to visit with two of my dearest friends. One told me that when we chat, they always end up with a smile on their face. The other spoke some incredible life over me that I can't even begin to explain right now because they confirmed SO much in my life that is just wild. I'm still processing.
Both of these ladies bring me so much joy because their hearts are absolutely, beautifully in love with the Creator of the Universe. They are true women of God, seeking after Him with diligence and just such sweet spirits. I love it. I love love love it.
I can't tell you how much joy it brings to sit and talk about everything under the sun AND God. It's just nuts.
God has called us to be lights in the darkness. These two ladies were definitely lights for Him today amidst the darkness that overshadowed my heart.
Grateful doesn't quite do my heart's feelings justice.

(The Crux of it all)

So much has happened in the past 4 days. My heart has been in a thousand pieces all week - over and over again I've seen how Satan destroys, tears down, divides, and demolishes the hearts of God's people and renders their minds incapable of escaping the memories - even in my own life.
Twenty of the twenty-four hours allotted to Thursday were awful, but I spent 4 hours with incredible people - one hour at a meeting that, though my headache overwhelmed me, brought a peace to my heart. The other three were spent with these beautiful ladies talking about hilarious things, serious things, and God things.

If God can come in on a day like today where everything falls apart and patch it all together like He's magical Elmer's glue.....I am beyond confident that He will come in and restore the hearts, minds, and bodies of His people. HE.IS.HEALER.

"No, in all these things we are MORE than conquerors through Him who loved us." - Romans 8:37


stick that in your juicebox and suck it, satan.

Top Ten

Just a glimpse at the top 10 most-viewed blog posts here in 2010.

10. New Song A song I found in August that completely blew my worries out of the water. You should definitely add this one to your collection.

9. Elizabeth Barrett Browning One of my favorite poem finds of the year. It's old, but so worth it.

8. frustration word vomit My reaction to building tension in my life and life in general. Sometimes being outside the situation helps you see what needs to be fixed in your own life.

7. fairytales and cinderella Another of my "life analogies" on decisions & patience.

6. Your Faithful Love The final compilation of a pattern I noticed in scripture about God's love for us and what His love really looks like.

5. impossibilities A pretty transparent decision not to be angry mixed in with a decision to be uncomfortable for the name of Jesus, but not idolize "doing."

4. heaven in CD-R form Christmas, Thanksgiving, and paganism

3. everything looks different when i wake up A few brutally honest facts about me as I am now (some things have changed).

2. givepeoplethebird.com Happy 1st Birthday Connect Rome and my story about getting there.

1. Let me tell you what God did... A testimony...God allowing me to see His answer to a prayer. I witnessed the Healer in action. wild.

Let me tell you what God did...

The new series at Connect Rome is called "Healer." I can't begin to describe how wonderful that is, but that's only half of the point right now. We had an event tonight called "Alive: A Night of Worship." WOW, was it alive! God was moving in so many ways, tonight, but I have to tell you about one.

After I started college my freshman year, a friend of mine told me there was one other girl from my hometown here, but didn't encourage me to be her friend. The reasons were petty, but seemed legitimate at the time. Our paths never crossed that year. September of sophomore year I saw her at an event Connect Rome held at the Nest. She was a wreck. I had heard some stuff was going on in her life, big stuff, but didn't really know. I couldn't help but feel for her. My heart was breaking. I wanted to talk to her then, but she was surrounded by people just loving on her.
I waited until I came back to campus and messaged her on Facebook. I explained how I knew of her from friends, but just had her on my heart. She ended up telling me this horrible story full of lies, pain, and deceit. I couldn't help but cry. It was horrible and it made me so angry. I wanted to hurt the person who'd hurt her. We kept in touch for just a little while via Facebook and would say hello on campus, but that was it and pretty much has been it since then.

Tonight she was on stage singing. She has an incredible voice and has led a few songs on Sunday here and there. She sang "Healer" by Kari Jobe tonight. It was evident that she was standing as an example of those words in action. When the song was almost over she spoke to the crowd, pleading with them to let go of the pain they were holding on and just let God come in and heal them. I don't remember her exact words now, but I was in tears. If my legs had let me, I'd have fallen to the floor. I am so excited to see her sing, but tonight...I couldn't even explain how my heart clapped when she walked out on stage to sing that song and just as we worshiped. I feel so blessed and privileged to see how God has come in with His holy fire and restored her to Him. I was sobbing. God has shown me the fruit of my prayers twice in the past week in BIG BIG ways. It just makes my heart burn with .. gosh, with something I don't even know how to express..to see Him move and restore His children...to show to this girl that she is beautiful in Him and to see her LIVE that with the knowledge, faith, and BELIEF that she is healed by THE HEALER.

I don't want to mention her name, but, beautiful one, if you are reading this, THIS is why I just squeezed you so tight tonight! I am just so SO in love with our God and so MOVED by His restoration and love for you! I am so thankful that I've had a glimpse of that and so SO blessed to know you. You are such an incredible example of His love and you exude His love! I love you, girl, and can't wait to see where He leads you! (We have to stay in touch!) Thanks for sharing your story with me.

Extravagant

I don't know where to begin or how to describe the encounter I just had, but I will try, without being too specific or too general because neither are appropriate.

I started praying about ten months ago for this one specific situation, circumstance, and person. It was tough. Like most colds or stomach viruses, I saw it get worse and worse before I even imagined it could get better. Roughly a month ago now I felt the urge to pray again for this situation, circumstance, and person. I don't remember the words and can't describe what about it was different, but I know I prayed for a hurricane.
Pause and let me clarify something: I believe fully that God answers prayers immediately. It's not something we have to wait for or anticipate. We pray and He answers. There is no delay.
I prayed and just let it go. After a rather lengthy conversation, I prayed again, but I felt like I was just putting my stamp on the letter and sending it, if you will.
I saw the fruit of God's answer five days later, but it was almost like seeing rain clouds, but not getting rain. I knew God had promised rain, but it wasn't raining yet.
Tonight I realized I've been standing in the midst of a downpour. A hurricane has never shaken me so violently with peace.
I spent twenty-seven minutes in tears of absolute humility, pain, awe, and excitement - comparable to ripping a bandaid off a large wound and cleaning it. I was humbled by the sheer fact that God had answered my prayers and again that He would SHOW me that He answered. I was hurt by the pride I'd had in praying and in the sheer fact that I have been walking with a chain around me that no one is holding onto, but me. I was in awe of God's mercy, His two-fold blessing, and just in seeing Him. I was excited to hear the love of Christ and flame of desire to GO for God from the other end of the telephone line.

I serve a God that answers prayers in word, but also brings them to fruition before your eyes, even if it takes a while for you to see.
I serve a God who comes in like a hurricane when you least expect it and don't even know.
I serve a God who tears walls down and AWAKENS His people.
I serve a God who serves as the third chord in every beneficial relationship and who cannot and will not be shaken, nor will He have me or my brothers and sisters in Christ, who have ALL been called by name - by our very DNA, taken from His hand.
I serve a God who answers prayers above and beyond what I ask.
I serve a God who does not stop at "enough."

H.A.L.L.E.L.U.J.A.H.
there is NO ONE GREATER.

impossibilities

I have to be completely honest with you guys: I've spent most of the past two days being angry. I've been angry at people. I've been angry at situations and conflicts. I've been angry at reactions. I've been angry with myself.
Anger is a result of Satan pouring confusion into my life. Anger is a result of my living as the god of my own circumstances rather than obeying THE God...the God of OBEDIENCE. Anger is a result of my insecurity involving my friendships, my relationships, and where God is taking me. Anger is a result of my insecurity with my own self and my inability to DO as much as often and as well as I want to. Anger is a result of my humanity, which I cannot change.

I've been wrestling with this all weekend long. I even started a blog post in my notebook during a class Friday. It wasn't anger on the page, but I had to stop because I hadn't dealt with my anger yet. I hadn't come face to face with it and just dealt with it.
I can't say that I've had a dramatic encounter with it today, but I can say that I've had a dramatic encounter with the Healer of my heart. I sat in a room full of hearts desiring to serve. I think sometimes we can get to the point where our servant hearts idolize "doing." I know I've been there in the past few weeks. God has called me to be involved, to absolutely jump.in., but in specific areas. I can't do everything, though my heart so longs to be involved in EVERY area.
Tonight, these people have such a desire to be FOR GOD. They aren't concerned about race, gender, class, church affiliation, religious affiliation, where you live, who your parents are, where you work, if you've done something morally wrong....they want you to KNOW GOD. I don't know how better to explain it, but it inspires me to no end.
I came face to face with the God of these people tonight in videos from Passion Kyiv, Passion London, and the other destinations on the Passion 2010 World Tour. Hearing these people cry out to God in confidence, in faith, in vulnerability, and in STRENGTH made me just want to fall on my face and thank El Shaddai, MY ALL SUFFICIENT GOD, for His hand that defies language barriers, cultural barriers, and mental stigmas.
God has called me OUT and called me TO some of the most difficult situations I've ever had to make...mostly because I tried to make them alone. His restoration and healing is beyond anything you know. Doctors and medicine can't touch this. Nothing can touch the power that just resounds in His NAME alone.
I don't know who reads my blog, or if anyone really does outside a few specific friends. I don't know where YOU are at in your life, or maybe I do. Either way, I challenge you to reach out. I challenge you to try this "God thing" or "Jesus thing" if you haven't tried it, or to try it again if you have in the past and just didn't agree with it.
I challenge you to step out of what makes you comfortable. Step away from the people and "stuff" that you find your worth and security in and I dare you to ask God to be your security, your worth, and your passion.
I dare you to make yourself uncomfortable by seeing what He's about. I dare you to forget the stereotypes and failures of everyone around you and look at the One who is blameless, but loves you.
I challenge you to step into the rushing water of the Jordan River at harvest time, overflowing its banks, and see what God will do.
I dare you to trust Him.

Up 'Til Dawn

Okay, before bed I've got to show you guys this video and tell you a little bit about life.
For quite a few years now I've had this huge tug on my heart to work with St. Jude's Children's Hospital. I don't know how or when or really anything, but God has that place and those sweet children on my heart so much. When I think I've forgotten, He sends something else to remind me.
Just now I stumbled upon this website: Up Til Dawn
and this video:


Talk about tears. I can't help but feel that I'll be doing something with St Jude's or Egleston after college. The funny thing is..those kids don't need encouragement. They're probably the happiest, most content kids ever...because, though they've seen some of the hardest times and watched their parents cry out to God asking WHY it had to be their baby, their faith is stronger. They don't doubt that God exists and that He, as Jehovah Rophi (the God who heals) and Moshia (our Savior), is alive and active today.
What faith. What boundless, mindblowing faith.
Abba, make me as a child with unending faith in You.

carmex and a little dark chocolate

Days like today are just good.

[my blog is turning slightly towards a journal...uhoh]

Hannah came over last night to have a movie marathon.
HAH
as.if. 


We ended up talking for 8 hours straight. I can not seem to recount exactly what we talked about, but I can tell you it was some good stuff. It amazes me that we can still have so much to talk about.


I finally fell asleep on her sometime around 1:45 or 2am only to wake up at 8:30 to roll over until 10:45. After having a bit of lunch [some tasty bowtie alfredo - love me some pasta] we returned to my room and just talked, again, until around 5...and we still weren't done. 
But all of today was spent talking about the Bible. We started out talking about Nazarite vows, ended up in 1 Corinthians 11, brought up The Google for some background research on the church at Corinth (ohmagoodness - if you've never done BG on some of the stuff in the Bible if not ALL of the stuff there, you will literally shock your pants off when you read some of it. The way it is all interconnected and woven together ... LIKE A TAPESTERY ... wow amazing). 
Sidenote: tapestry is important because the slam-poet last night on the opening ceremonies of the Olympics in Vancouver...and consequently a note written by Mrs Cheryl. It's just good. I can't begin to explain it.
From the research on Corith we ended up in Romans, which somehow lead us to Exodus and then to so many other things. I don't remember where it went from there. It just got jumbled. I DO know that Romans 14 is now one of my favorite chapters of the Bible for at least right now [it's so hard to have a favorite....because it's all good. Literally]. The Lord definitely used Rom 14 to open my eyes to a lot of things - to humble me and smack me about  my pride and really just bring some things full circle. It was good.

I love coming home if for the very reason that Nan and I get to sit together and search and read and learn. It's the best kindergarten class, I promise. You'll find no other better one anywhere. 

I dare you guys to do some research!!!


Tonight I'm not sure what's on the agenda but I'm about to dive into one more essay that I have to turn in from last week. Then I'm praying there will be a coffee rendezvous, but whatever is in HIS will! 
Sad NA was canceled this morning due to snow/ice and I will not make it back to Rome in time for CR's services in the morning. =/ Praying this Bible study takes off sometime soon!!

I hope all of you are doing well. :) Can't wait to share what the Lord does next. He shows me more and more that He is leading me.  

nexeum

Came home late wednesday night because i was hurting so bad. mom and dad took me to the doc yesterday and I got some bloodwork done & a CT scan. it was a little weird. the contrast is gross...and I just had a headache all day, but i'm feeling better right now.
the doctor said everything basically came back normal, but my stomach is definitely really irritated and I need to lay off of so much caffeine and bad foods..like fried ones. but I haven't eaten fried ones in a month because they're gross. I have had lots of coke, though...and that's not good.

I would like to make it official - I am not allergic to the Butlers. P.G. hahahaha =)

About to go and eat some alfredo...at least that I CAN eat. it will be good and not too acidic like tomatoes or something. weird. but we'll see.
Nan is coming. can't wait. it's always such a treat to talk with her!

hey pepto

lots of nausea this morning.
nothing coming out though...just upset tum.
It's time for this to end.

Jehovah Rapha - God my HEALER
Exodus 15:26 He said, "If you will listen intently to the voice of ADONAI your God, do what he considers right, pay attention to his mitzvot and observe his laws, I will not afflict you with any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians; because I am ADONAI your healer."