Memory Verse Recap: Jan 1

When there are many words, sin is unavoidable, but the one who controls his lips is wise.

Proverbs 19:10

This was my memory verse from January 1.

This verse reminds me to think through what I'm going to say before I say it. Even if I know it's something I should say, pause..wait on it. Don't let my tongue control me. Don't let my thoughts erupt, but rather savor them.
I've done an awful job of this in 2011, but I've learned so much at the same time. I've learned that it's important to be honest, but more importantly I've learned that the way I am honest matters.

There's a difference between brutally honest and lovingly honest.

Brutally honest gives no care to the situation, the people involved, or the hearts of others.

Lovingly honest cares about how someone else will feel, think, and react.

I'm a good bit brutal when I feel strongly about something, which is unfortunate. I believe in standing strong for what I believe and in forming my own opinions, but that doesn't give me, or you, the right to walk all over someone else in the process. That's where love comes in -- love bears ALL things, even the strong opinions that may differ or potentially cause strife.

God calls us to be honest, but calls us to honesty in love.

SSMT Verse 23

"I will go down with you to Egypt, and I will also bring you back." - Gen 46:4

This seems like a pretty crazy verse to have as a memory verse, right? But God promised. I'll hold on to that.

slipping

I am three pages from the end of yet another beautiful journal. Thinking back over life since October 13 is overwhelming. It has legitimately been so much life. My prayers have changed. My heart has changed. My friends have changed. My everything has changed so much. I pray God continues to revolutionize my life. I don't ever want to get to that point where I have nothing left to be fixed until I'm standing face-to-face with my Creator.

In revolutionizing my life, God has blessed me with some of the most incredible people as friends. We're not all alike, thank you, Jesus! But we share a love for our God and sunshine. I'm learning to balance these friendships with school work, Relay for Life, and my relationship with God.
I have to admit - I'm sucking at it.

I'm doing a horrible job of juggling these categories - my grades are slipping. My relationship with God is sometimes put to the side. Relay, in some ways, has taken over (as you can see in my last few posts). I'm convinced that is partially caused by the purple extravaganza of last week, but an excuse isn't what I need.
I'm also struggling to maintain all of these friendships. I am in LOVE with each of them. There's something so special about a group (or twelve) of people who adore God. I'm learning that it's normal to talk about Him so much with friends. That's normal. I never knew. That's fantastic! But juggling all of these friends is so hard. I don't feel like I have time to devote to each of them. A friend of mine once said you never have more than 5 or so CLOSE friends. Your heart/mind/body can't handle more than that. I'm juggling ten at least. I love them. I love trying. I love caring. I love being around for them. I ADORE our dates and so very much love hearing about them and listening to everything going on in their lives, but at some point my hands have become too full for Christ. They've become too full to put the right amount of effort into these beautiful relationships He's given me.
This has to change.
I don't want to turn this post into an "I apologize for neglecting our friendship, but it's not going to change," sort of thing.
That's not what I'm saying.
I'm still trying to figure it out.
But I do know this:

2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.' Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me."

Psalm 97:18-19 says, "If I say, 'My foot is slipping,' Your Faithful Love will support me, LORD. When I am filled with cares, Your comfort brings me joy."

God, my foot is slipping. I thought I built all this on a solid rock, but the truth is...You aren't the foundation of my joy right now. I'm losing my joy because I'm not letting you control it all. God, I am w.e.a.k. I'm so weak I can't breathe without you...let alone hold on to all of these friendships. It's not my place to hold on. God, my grades suck right now. My devotion to You has plummeted. Relay will never be a success if I'm in charge of it. Without YOUR love, Lord, I can't love and that's my heart's desire - to love. You've made me to love, but you've also made me imperfect so that I have to depend on you. You've made me imperfect so that You get the glory when I am weak and helpless. God, I'm slipping. I'm going under. I'm restless. I need Your presence. Your strength. Your support. Your control. I need You.

when I think I'm going under, part the waters, LORD

Semester 6 of 8

I spent a full day thinking on and off - mostly off - about what my next memory verse should be for this year (Check out Beth Moore's blog for more information).
Side note: I'm thankful for accountability because I'm absolutely no good at memorizing or remembering or being intentional about the scripture if I'm not accountable to someone or something about it. So thank you to my sweet siestas - on the blog, on twitter, in Texas, or right here in Rome. It's beautiful seeing how God moves in you.

My first scripture had a lot to do with my awful inability to keep my mouth shut which you can read about here, but I'm warning you: It's not pretty.

I sat for a good twenty minutes flipping through the Word looking for something that caught my eye or really hit me. Nothing. My mind kept wandering to other things and somewhere deep inside I thought it was dumb to LOOK for a scripture. God ordains things. Let Him bring it.

As soon as I sat back in my chair I heard John Waller's "Perfect Place." If you haven't heard any of his music, I definitely recommend you checking it out - wonderful music and mind-blowing lyrics.
This particular song says this:

Thou will keep me 

In perfect peace when

My mind is stayed on you

Peace flowing like a river

Peace never to be stolen

Peace that you give 

Is not of this world

My mind is stayed on You

That's it. 

Thou will keep me in perfect peace when my mind is stayed on You.

You will keep in perfect peace the mind that is dependent on You, for it is trusting in You.

Isaiah 26:4

I may be stretching this a little, but later in the same chapter of Isaiah is the verse by which 268 Generation is based. 268 is a "Jesus movement" - this generation is set apart for God. We are a chosen generation.

And God will keep our minds in perfect peace if we depend on Him.

Classes can't stir us. Money can't make us fear. Circumstances and situations with friends, family, coworkers, classmates, professors, banks...none of this can sway us if our minds are stayed on Christ.

memory verse #2 

Isaiah 26:4

"Thou will keep me in perfect peace when my mind is stayed on You."

Day one: disrespect

Would it be okay for me to blame the events of the last 20 hours on the fact that Chickfila and Zaxby's BOTH closed before 8:30pm last night?


I get fed up really easily when people change plans back and forth multiple times. It's one of my pet peeves....to say the absolute least.
We usually go to Gramma's on New Year's Day for lunch. Yesterday during the day mom said she wasn't going, but changed her mind saying we'd end up going down there anyway. I woke up this morning to her saying she wasn't going & she'd called Aunt DeAnn to see if they were going, but Aunt DeAnn was sick. So we weren't going at all. Lauren's dad called her a few minutes later saying for her to come home because they were going. I told her I wasn't - by this time I was getting fed up. I came to my room to start some football when mom comes in and says that if I want to go she'll take me down there, it's not a problem. I told her I wasn't going to make her go if she didn't want to go in the first place & it was going to put her in a bad mood. She kept insisting she would go if I wanted to. (By this time, I'm getting even more fed up.) I told her no, that I didn't want to go. Twenty minutes later (it's around 11:30 by now btw), dad comes in and says that he and mom are going down there for lunch but coming right back and he wants me to go. I told him I just really didn't want to - I was tired of all the plan switching and I just want someone to make up their mind. He took a ridiculously long shower, then I got in. Mom knocks on the door when I got out and said Lauren said would I pretty please come. Okay, pet peeve #2, don't go talking to people about me wanting to or not wanting to do something & then come tell me their opinion to side with you or whatever. That makes me angry too. That's just sneaky and sly and not nice. I told her that..but in fewer, nicer words. I barely got to my room when dad comes knocking on the door, "uhm. are you going with us?" I told him I had just got out of the shower and had a lot to do before I got ready and i was already 12:30. He said he wasn't trying to rush me but wanted to know. I was quiet for a while. He got angry because I didn't say anything. I finally said no. Then he said, "No what? What question are you answering?" ....... I don't even understand this part. I told him to stop asking so many questions & he wouldn't be so confused. Then I started fixing my hair. Around 1, I walked into the kitchen to grab some food. Dad came in there & started yelling about me being disrespectful and he never expects anything from me because that's all I am and I'm never any better. I said some stuff that I shouldn't have said because it was really disrespectful, but I didn't mean to..I opened my mouth and it just came out. So then he slapped me, grabbed my wrists, & pushed me into the hall. If you know anything about me, now or in the past, when people grab me like that, I lose control. Maybe I watched too much tv growing up, I don't know. It just sends me into a place where I have no control, which is obviously not good in a situation like this. This is the second time dad's dared to do that to me. The last time I ran out the door in the rain & didn't come back for a few hours. Needless to say, mom then told me to pack my bags because it was time for me to leave. In my head, I wanted to say I wish I'd never come home & I was ready to leave six days after I got here, but I didn't. I did point out yesterday that stuff like this is why I told them Christmas morning I wouldn't ever come home and stay for more than six days after this break.
I shut the door. They walked out the door & left. I fell asleep crying & woke up to Florida losing to Penn State at the half.
You'd think it was a dream.

I feel like I've tried harder this break than any other time at home to really be respectful to my parents and not do something or say something or act some way that would upset them, but I still can't seem to make it work. I don't know what to do any more besides just not come home which just seems ridiculous.
I guess that's why my first memory verse for this year is Proverbs 10:19 "When there are many words, sin is unavoidable, bu the one who controls his lips is wise."