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I'm not a huge fan of Christmas. It's always awkward at my house. Mom is never satisfied with what she's gotten us, thinking we're not satisfied. My family doesn't know what to do with a dedicated day to being lazy, though we are lazy a lot, but most of all a whole day dedicated to being with each other.
And there's always a fight of some kind.
I've been feeling pretty out of place when it comes to my family. My older brother is 24 & my younger brother is 15. They both still live at home with both of my parents. They interact on a daily basis, are very much in tune with each others' lives, and have gotten pretty decent at co-existing & functioning together. When I come home, it throws the equilibrium in the house off kilter. You'd think 3 boys & 2 girls would be more balanced than 3 boys and 1 girl. Lies. I think Berry College has gotten me too used to high estrogen levels. I miss being around boys, but not necessarily my brothers & dad. One of those in particular, but I digress.

I spent most of last night purging my email inbox & getting rid of saved emails that I didn't need. Maybe it's that end-of-the-year inventory kind of thing. I ended up in tears a few times.
Today was spent mostly sleeping or watching movies until around 5 when I started listening to/watching the Passion main sessions from 2010. I really didn't mean to. I thought I pressed shuffle on my iTunes, but evidently managed to open Andy Stanley's message. I decided it was a God-ordained collision and just let it roll. His main statement was this:
It is a mistake to decide what you're going to be before determining who you're going to be.
True story. I've heard this twice, at least, since last January and still haven't thoroughly thought about it. It makes you question what you value. I'm fast approaching the end of my college career and I have no idea what I want to do - none. That's the question of the century - what does Beth want to do with an English major and Art minor after graduating from Berry College.
I.don't.know.
I need to decide who I want to be first...what I value. What's important.

Beth Moore's message was next. Lord have mercy. I love that woman so much. God speaks through her, even a year later, and it just blows my mind. SO thankful and blessed to listen to her insight on the Word. She talked about how God equips us. I'm sure I've blogged about this before.
Still, wow.
God equips us by preparing us. No detail is accidental.
God equips us by adjusting us. He changes us to conform us to His will.
God equips us by restoring us. We are made in to what we could not be without that brokenness.
God equips us by filling us. We can't be what we're called to be without Christ in us.

"Ain't no high like the Most High." - Beth Moore