singing Psalms of praise

Psalm means song..basically.
David wrote the book of Psalm in the Bible as a group of songs...and to me it is so incredible to hear them sung.

You MUST listen to this::

Psalm 145

amazing love

I really feel like God prepares our hearts and minds for different events.

He often doesn't allow us to process the entirety of a situation at once, but rather in small amounts over time.

Last night I felt so overwhelmed and felt God just calling to me amidst my frustration with homework and other things. I sat outside on a bench by the volleyball courts for well over an hour--probably closer to two--and wrote. I prayed with everything that was in me over all of the events and people that have been laying so heavily on my heart recently.

Luke Campbell was first and foremost on my heart because I have been closely following his progress in fighting his second round of cancer. As I poured my heart and my tears into my notebook a song played on my ipod. I'm sure many of you are modern-day Christians and haven't listened to much southern gospel music. I, however grew up listening to it. Those were my first concerts. The particular song that played is one from my childhood -- "Four Days Late" as sung by Karen Peck & New River. The lyrics hit me so hard...they always have. Jesus was told that Lazarus was dying...and when he finally reached him, Lazarus was dead. The song says "when He's four days late, He's still on time." It emphasizes to me that the Lord is A-never far away, B-never late in His decisions, but rather ...everything works out according to His perfect will. The song says, "Lord, I don't understand why you waited so long.."
I could easily say the same thing, or something similar, now..and in so many different situations over the past year. I could plead with God and beg him to answer my one question -- WHY? But where is the trust and faith in that?
I could ask Him why He took a 17 year old boy with his whole life ahead of him...but I know that in the grand scheme of things, His will was being performed. The purpose and time planned for Luke was finished.
There are so many things I want to say, but I don't know how to get them out right now.

mmmsongs

I love when Jesus shows me things

I know i need you
I need to love you
I love to see you, and its been so long
i long to feel you
i feel this need for you'
and i need to hear you
is that so wrong?
oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh
now you pulled me near you
when we're close i fear you
still im afraid to tell you
all that i've done
are you done forgiving?
or can you look pass my pretending?
Lord i'm so tired of defending
what i've become
what have i become?
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh. (repeat 4)
i hear you say "my love is over,
its underneath, its inside, its in between
the times you doubt me, when you can't feel
the times that you've questioned 'is this for real?'
the times you've broken, the times that you mend
the times you hate me and the times that you bend
well my love is over, its underneath
its inside, its in between,
these times you're healing
and when your heart breaks
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
the times you're hurting
the times that you heal
the times you go hungry and *are tempted* to steal
in times of confusion and chaos and pain
im there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
im there through your heartache
im there in the storm
my love i will keep you by my power alone
i dont care where you've fallen, where you have been
i'll never forsake you
my love never ends, it never ends
mmm, mmm
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh

"times" --Tenth Avenue North

tweedle dee

I found out that Luke Campbell isn't doing well. He's not a close friend of mine, but close to my family and church. It makes me sad. Gosh, to know that someone's got so much of their life ahead of them and having to struggle with something like this.

All I know is...God is working it for good [Romans 8:28]. He and his family will have such great testimonies. Regardless of the outcome, I'm very sure that God has been working in all the lives touched by his story and life.

Mine has been. I've said it before, but cancer has rocked my world. I haven't had it and thankfully no one in my immediate family has been diagnosed, but many people in my life have been touched by it, and therefore I have been touched.

Cancer is no scarlet letter to be worn in shame, but rather a cross born in strength...a race won--yes, won--a fight, victorious.

Oh how I cling to my family and friends. I hug them every chance that I get. I'm not scared of losing them, but rather thankful that I have them. Every day, every second, that I am able to spend with these beautiful blessings is one for which I am eternally thankful.


Some of you may get tired of me saying this, but I love my best friend. She is fabulous. She is incredible. :) I love her so much... She is such a light for the Lord and is always lifting me up. I am just..so thankful for her. She is beautiful. :)

tides

my spring break turned disgusting.

due to unfortunate events, I basically went a whole day without food, then got rather angry and was yelled at by my parents. This didn't go over well and the whole situation did nothing but escalate.
All of this because I wanted to leave on Saturday instead of Sunday for school so that I could get my homework done before class on Monday.

Quite honestly, I love Riley...but I'm tired of that being the extent of my mother's 'time' with me. She doesn't want to do anything with me--go anywhere or do anything--but she gets upset when I am not home to spend time with 'the family.' She makes plans with me and then breaks them..quite like some other people I know. I don't appreciate it. She gets very upset and tells me that I'm "never home" when I have spent every day with her and Riley. She says she breaks her neck to do for me and make it to where I can do whatever I want while I'm home, but then complains about the fact that I'm not at the house...when she basically pushes me out the door. I ask her if we can do something...just she and I ... and she says "well we don't have time" or "I've got..to do" or tells me I'm not home long enough for us to spend time together.

Am I pissed? Yes. I have been for a good two days. I pinched a nerve in my back and can't seem to get comfortable. That makes me angry. Being in pain -- CONSTANT pain -- will make a person go crazy.

I'm tired.
I don't want to go back to school because I don't want to do work and for some reason I'm just really not looking forward to it.
I don't want to stay here because I feel like it's constantly a battle to do anything. Who I am isn't acceptable, neither is who I want to be. What I do is a crime and what I want to do is impossible.

I'm tired of not having the acceptance of my family...of being looked down upon because of numerous different aspects of who I am. I'm tired of being fussed at. I'm tired of conflict and confusion and lack of peace.

And right now, I feel farther from God than I have in quite a while...with no mind to figure out the problems. This makes me cry.

I realized that ... it's hard to go to a funeral and not think about the ones you've been to in the past. Those emotions and feelings of loss come flooding back, no matter how close you were to the person whose memory you are currently honoring...
Is this life?

[found on facebook..I couldn't resist]



Things you have done during your lifetime:

( ) Gone on a blind date
(k) Skipped school
(k) Watched someone die
( ) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
(k) Been to Florida
( ) Been to Hawaii
(k) Been on a plane
( ) Been on a helicopter
(k) Been lost
( ) Gone to Washington, DC
(k) Swam in the ocean
(k) Cried yourself to sleep
(k) Played cops and robbers
(k) Recently colored with crayons
(k) Sang Karaoke
(k) Paid for a meal with coins only
( ) Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch
(k) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(k) Made prank phone calls
( ) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans -
(k) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose & elsewhere
(k) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(k) Danced in the rain
(k) Written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(k) Watched the sunrise with someone
(k) Blown bubbles
(k) Gone ice-skating
(k) Gone to the movies
( ) Been deep sea fishing
( ) Driven across the United States
( ) Been in a hot air balloon
( ) Been sky diving
( ) Gone snowmobiling
( ) Lived in more than one country
(k) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets
(k) Seen a falling star and made a wish
( ) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser
(k) Seen the Statue of Liberty
( ) Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle
( ) Traveled by train
(k) Traveled by motorcycle
( ) Been horse back riding
( ) Ridden on a San Francisco CABLE CAR
(k) Been to Disneyland --- or Disney World
(k) Truly believe in the power of prayer
( ) Been in a rain forest
( ) Seen whales in the ocean
( ) Been to Niagara Falls
( ) Ridden on an elephant
( ) Swam with dolphins
( ) Been to the Olympics
( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China
( ) Saw and heard a glacier calf
( ) Been spinnaker flying
( ) Been water-skiing
( ) Been snow-skiing
( ) Been to Westminster Abbey
( ) Been to the Louvre
( ) Swam in the Mediterranean
( ) Been to a Major League Baseball game
(k) Driven over 100 miles per


there is so much more I want to do in my lifetime...and so many things I would like to do again.

spring not-so-break

funerals and visitations make me sick.

I'm beginning to think that this is why I don't like to dress up.
I used to!!
But now, most of my 'dressing up' revolves around the death of someone.

So........stop dying.
mmk? thanks.
good night.
:x