tides

my spring break turned disgusting.

due to unfortunate events, I basically went a whole day without food, then got rather angry and was yelled at by my parents. This didn't go over well and the whole situation did nothing but escalate.
All of this because I wanted to leave on Saturday instead of Sunday for school so that I could get my homework done before class on Monday.

Quite honestly, I love Riley...but I'm tired of that being the extent of my mother's 'time' with me. She doesn't want to do anything with me--go anywhere or do anything--but she gets upset when I am not home to spend time with 'the family.' She makes plans with me and then breaks them..quite like some other people I know. I don't appreciate it. She gets very upset and tells me that I'm "never home" when I have spent every day with her and Riley. She says she breaks her neck to do for me and make it to where I can do whatever I want while I'm home, but then complains about the fact that I'm not at the house...when she basically pushes me out the door. I ask her if we can do something...just she and I ... and she says "well we don't have time" or "I've got..to do" or tells me I'm not home long enough for us to spend time together.

Am I pissed? Yes. I have been for a good two days. I pinched a nerve in my back and can't seem to get comfortable. That makes me angry. Being in pain -- CONSTANT pain -- will make a person go crazy.

I'm tired.
I don't want to go back to school because I don't want to do work and for some reason I'm just really not looking forward to it.
I don't want to stay here because I feel like it's constantly a battle to do anything. Who I am isn't acceptable, neither is who I want to be. What I do is a crime and what I want to do is impossible.

I'm tired of not having the acceptance of my family...of being looked down upon because of numerous different aspects of who I am. I'm tired of being fussed at. I'm tired of conflict and confusion and lack of peace.

And right now, I feel farther from God than I have in quite a while...with no mind to figure out the problems. This makes me cry.