Thanksgiving break, for me, starts tomorrow. I'm in the middle of a six-page essay right now that is to be turned in tomorrow before my departure.
This weekend has been extravagant. My cousin came up and we've spent the weekend thrifting, driving, talking, laughing, sleeping, eating, and just being friends. We're close for cousins and it's fun. We're friends.
Today at church was phenomenal and, honestly, not so groundbreaking. God confirmed a lot through Josh's message today on Daniel. It, again, goes back to the fact that we are to act in obedience to what God has called us to in order to activate His omnipotence. This particular passage caught my eye:
"By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward--to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back. So let's keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything that God has for us. If any of us have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision--you'll see it yet!" - Philippians 3:13-16
That's it.
I'm not an expert at chasing after God. I'm easily distracted, really, but I'm doing my best to keep my eye on God's purpose. Sometimes that means keeping my eye on absolutely nothing. It sounds abstract, but God doesn't always reveal what He wants you to do until what we consider the 'last minute.' I've answered the "what are you doing after college?" question countless times with, "Well, I'm not sure yet. Maybe I'll move here or there or get a job somewhere over there." I've never been quite sure, but God provides because He is enough. Always. I don't want just half of what God has for me - I want it all. I want to be selfish with my 'purpose' in life and have it all. I don't want to get to 30 or 40 and feel incomplete because I failed to take an irreversible step for God (see Joshua 3). I want to totally commit. now.
Josh said the "bow" is that we have victory today. It sounds cliche, but victory is ours today because God's kingdom is alive in our lives. We have to live it.
Showing posts with label decisions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label decisions. Show all posts
20 November 2011
05 November 2011
Being Small
Have you ever felt completely unprepared, unequipped, and unable?
I'm not entirely sure what God's plan is for me in five months, or tomorrow for that matter. My ideas of sleeping in on a Saturday may be completely changed depending on Him.
One thing I do know is that my life after Berry College is going to change a lot, regardless of where I end up. A very real possibility in my life right now is that I get on a plane in September to spend eleven months making God's name big in eleven different countries. That's one month in each country, potentially eating things and sleeping in places that someone with first world problems would rarely find even in their dreams. The possibilities are endless because God is endless and nothing is impossible with Him.
Tonight, after a long skype session with a dear friend, I went back to worldrace.org to go over the FAQs and "what do you expect from a racer?" again. I found myself completely overwhelmed and unprepared.
I'm made up of half city and half country. I grew up in a really strict church. I've never been on a mission trip. I don't own Chacos or a really awesome Kavu bag. I don't have a car. I don't have a 'home church' in my hometown and in six months I'm leaving the place I've called home for the past 3 years. My spiritual life is awful in comparison to how good my God has been to me. I often feel inferior to others because I fall so much sometimes, so short of the person God's called me to be. I'm selfish and unsure. I'm a coward and I neglect my relationship with God so much. The last blogs I read on my list are the ones that involve a lot of spiritual conviction because I "don't have enough time to handle that" on the week days. I'm attached to my friendships and have a separation anxiety that only plagues me when I know that I'm doing what I should. I give half my effort to most things because I don't know how to push myself to my limits. In the past few months I've felt farther from God than in all my years of college. I've become too comfortable here.
I've been convicted of my extravagant lifestyle. My closet is full of clothes. Sometimes I have so many t-shirts that my drawers won't close. I have two heavy coats, a rain jacket, several smaller jackets, and more shoes than I care to count. I have new, good underwear and socks.
I have options.
I have a fridge, freezer, and cabinet full of food. I have toilet paper, three kinds of shampoo, sweatshirts, three toothbrushes, coffee mugs galore, kitchen appliances, more books than I could begin to read, and at least 4 extra blankets in my room right now.
I have so much that I can be picky.
I have so much that I am complacent.
God's given me some kind of gift for understanding the ins and outs of Spanish. I love communicating. I am an artist. I love new things. It bothers me that others are without and I have a computer and tablet at my disposal right now. I even have two boxes of crayons and four coloring books on my bed right now.
How many kids could use a good coloring book and crayons? How many people just need to be smiled at today? What could that do?
Hallelujah, Christ is near.
God is near to us. God is near to me. God has called. Maybe I'm not 'the type' to go on an eleven month adventure into the world without carrying with me five or seven of my closest friends, but I'm walking in faith. I'm going to walk in the truth that God has purpose in my life and wants to use me to reassure His people of His love.
I don't mind being small if it means I am able to make God huge. Let's go.
My phone interview with WR is on Thursday at 4pm. I'm desperate for your prayers. I refuse to commit to something without God's affirmation of peace, but I know it's time for me to move. He will equip me for His purpose, but the honest truth is that I'm scared to death.
it's time to stretch these legs of faith, and run into this unknown width. The truth of Your love for us.
I'm not entirely sure what God's plan is for me in five months, or tomorrow for that matter. My ideas of sleeping in on a Saturday may be completely changed depending on Him.
One thing I do know is that my life after Berry College is going to change a lot, regardless of where I end up. A very real possibility in my life right now is that I get on a plane in September to spend eleven months making God's name big in eleven different countries. That's one month in each country, potentially eating things and sleeping in places that someone with first world problems would rarely find even in their dreams. The possibilities are endless because God is endless and nothing is impossible with Him.
Tonight, after a long skype session with a dear friend, I went back to worldrace.org to go over the FAQs and "what do you expect from a racer?" again. I found myself completely overwhelmed and unprepared.
I'm made up of half city and half country. I grew up in a really strict church. I've never been on a mission trip. I don't own Chacos or a really awesome Kavu bag. I don't have a car. I don't have a 'home church' in my hometown and in six months I'm leaving the place I've called home for the past 3 years. My spiritual life is awful in comparison to how good my God has been to me. I often feel inferior to others because I fall so much sometimes, so short of the person God's called me to be. I'm selfish and unsure. I'm a coward and I neglect my relationship with God so much. The last blogs I read on my list are the ones that involve a lot of spiritual conviction because I "don't have enough time to handle that" on the week days. I'm attached to my friendships and have a separation anxiety that only plagues me when I know that I'm doing what I should. I give half my effort to most things because I don't know how to push myself to my limits. In the past few months I've felt farther from God than in all my years of college. I've become too comfortable here.
I've been convicted of my extravagant lifestyle. My closet is full of clothes. Sometimes I have so many t-shirts that my drawers won't close. I have two heavy coats, a rain jacket, several smaller jackets, and more shoes than I care to count. I have new, good underwear and socks.
I have options.
I have a fridge, freezer, and cabinet full of food. I have toilet paper, three kinds of shampoo, sweatshirts, three toothbrushes, coffee mugs galore, kitchen appliances, more books than I could begin to read, and at least 4 extra blankets in my room right now.
I have so much that I can be picky.
I have so much that I am complacent.
God's given me some kind of gift for understanding the ins and outs of Spanish. I love communicating. I am an artist. I love new things. It bothers me that others are without and I have a computer and tablet at my disposal right now. I even have two boxes of crayons and four coloring books on my bed right now.
How many kids could use a good coloring book and crayons? How many people just need to be smiled at today? What could that do?
Hallelujah, Christ is near.
God is near to us. God is near to me. God has called. Maybe I'm not 'the type' to go on an eleven month adventure into the world without carrying with me five or seven of my closest friends, but I'm walking in faith. I'm going to walk in the truth that God has purpose in my life and wants to use me to reassure His people of His love.
I don't mind being small if it means I am able to make God huge. Let's go.
My phone interview with WR is on Thursday at 4pm. I'm desperate for your prayers. I refuse to commit to something without God's affirmation of peace, but I know it's time for me to move. He will equip me for His purpose, but the honest truth is that I'm scared to death.
it's time to stretch these legs of faith, and run into this unknown width. The truth of Your love for us.
20 October 2011
9 days until my birthday!
My to-do list for the remainder of October is large and in charge right now. I've marked off a few things that have been consistently listed for the past few weeks including my World Race application and letter to my Granny who wrote me a sweet card a few weeks ago during my hardest week of midterms (if there was a hardest week). Tonight at our CAC meeting we're making cards for Kody Lucas, which has also been on my to-do list.
Apart from these crazy lists, I've learned a few things lately. I struggle with being sensitive to the feelings of others. I feel that, at one point in my life, I was highly sensitive to how others would react to my actions or simply considerate of what effect my actions would have on another. I don't think I've quite abandoned that mindset, per se, but I believe that somewhere in my desire and growth toward being independent and not allowing others to take advantage of me, I've lost the mindset that my actions are felt by others around me, and can be destructive, even if I don't intend it. This comes into play lately with my attempts at acclimating myself to the idea of graduation and "life after Berry" as if it's somewhere I've been for my entire life. It's the place I've grown up, to say the least. Unfortunately, there are quite a few people and groups from which I'm not entirely ready to flee just yet. Maybe that time will come, but I pray it doesn't. I pray that, instead, these friendships will be some that I keep for a lifetime. They are crucial. God is my core, and they are next. I love them. I definitely appreciate prayer for these upcoming decisions and my current sensitivity to the feelings of those around me concerning it all.
The next few weeks are busy. We are kicking off Relay for Life at Berry next Wednesday which is always an exciting time. I am heading up Team Development again this year with my partner in crime, Hannah. We're excited to work together again and I'm excited to be back in the Relay groove again. This is such a crucial part of me as you can read here. This year, I'm relaying in honor of LaDonna Kersey. She's a sweet woman that has been in and out of my life for as long as I can remember. She is the mother of a young man who played little league baseball with my older brother and the mother of another young man that I was close to in high school. She was diagnosed with cancer in her leg a few years back, went into remission, and the cancer is back again. She is also the mother of another boy who is, if I'm not mistaken, a middle schooler now. Her family is precious and she works as a custodian at my high school. She's an incredible lady with tons of advice and encouragement, even on my worst days.
Among other things, my birthday is next Saturday! I'm excited...for selfish reasons that do not include presents. My best friend planned my birthday this year. I've had absolutely nothing to do with it. Last year I had my first "surprise party" (that I knew about in advance, but that's okay) and it was precious. This year..this year it's relaxing. Close friends, time with my BEST friend, and just an overall incredible time. I'm excited and I've no idea what lies in store. Bring it on. I am so blessed and so thankful for my best friend. Beyond words.
In terms of school, I've got another paper due next week, a Spanish test, and a paper due the week after that. My grades are sufficient and I'm reading much more than I have in the past three years. I was scared that my science class would not fit into my schedule, but due to some last minute changes on the part of the faculty, I will be taking 14 hours next semester. It would be 13, but I'm taking yoga for fun. I've always wanted to and now is definitely the time.
Potentially, I will have two sets of visitors (outside my parents next Sunday) before December comes. My Aunts are both planning visits to good ol' Berry College for a bit. I'm terribly excited. I've only been pleading with them for three years to come. They'll be coming in time, I hope, to see the beautiful trees.
So thankful for my family.
It's been 5 days short of 3 years since my Papa died. I miss him, but I've made it through this fall without breaking down about it. I'm thankful for God's provision in times that seem unbearably dark and inescapable. His mercies are, indeed, new every morning.
I'll leave you with this thought: We have the opportunity to be face-to-face with Yahweh. Moses asked and was denied face-to-face because we cannot handle the shikhinah of the one true God. Paul speaks frequently in 1 Thessalonians about desiring to be face-to-face with other Christians. Jesus was face-to-face with the disciples. Let Him be face-to-face with you. Let everything filter through Him. He is good.
Apart from these crazy lists, I've learned a few things lately. I struggle with being sensitive to the feelings of others. I feel that, at one point in my life, I was highly sensitive to how others would react to my actions or simply considerate of what effect my actions would have on another. I don't think I've quite abandoned that mindset, per se, but I believe that somewhere in my desire and growth toward being independent and not allowing others to take advantage of me, I've lost the mindset that my actions are felt by others around me, and can be destructive, even if I don't intend it. This comes into play lately with my attempts at acclimating myself to the idea of graduation and "life after Berry" as if it's somewhere I've been for my entire life. It's the place I've grown up, to say the least. Unfortunately, there are quite a few people and groups from which I'm not entirely ready to flee just yet. Maybe that time will come, but I pray it doesn't. I pray that, instead, these friendships will be some that I keep for a lifetime. They are crucial. God is my core, and they are next. I love them. I definitely appreciate prayer for these upcoming decisions and my current sensitivity to the feelings of those around me concerning it all.
The next few weeks are busy. We are kicking off Relay for Life at Berry next Wednesday which is always an exciting time. I am heading up Team Development again this year with my partner in crime, Hannah. We're excited to work together again and I'm excited to be back in the Relay groove again. This is such a crucial part of me as you can read here. This year, I'm relaying in honor of LaDonna Kersey. She's a sweet woman that has been in and out of my life for as long as I can remember. She is the mother of a young man who played little league baseball with my older brother and the mother of another young man that I was close to in high school. She was diagnosed with cancer in her leg a few years back, went into remission, and the cancer is back again. She is also the mother of another boy who is, if I'm not mistaken, a middle schooler now. Her family is precious and she works as a custodian at my high school. She's an incredible lady with tons of advice and encouragement, even on my worst days.
Among other things, my birthday is next Saturday! I'm excited...for selfish reasons that do not include presents. My best friend planned my birthday this year. I've had absolutely nothing to do with it. Last year I had my first "surprise party" (that I knew about in advance, but that's okay) and it was precious. This year..this year it's relaxing. Close friends, time with my BEST friend, and just an overall incredible time. I'm excited and I've no idea what lies in store. Bring it on. I am so blessed and so thankful for my best friend. Beyond words.
In terms of school, I've got another paper due next week, a Spanish test, and a paper due the week after that. My grades are sufficient and I'm reading much more than I have in the past three years. I was scared that my science class would not fit into my schedule, but due to some last minute changes on the part of the faculty, I will be taking 14 hours next semester. It would be 13, but I'm taking yoga for fun. I've always wanted to and now is definitely the time.
Potentially, I will have two sets of visitors (outside my parents next Sunday) before December comes. My Aunts are both planning visits to good ol' Berry College for a bit. I'm terribly excited. I've only been pleading with them for three years to come. They'll be coming in time, I hope, to see the beautiful trees.
So thankful for my family.
It's been 5 days short of 3 years since my Papa died. I miss him, but I've made it through this fall without breaking down about it. I'm thankful for God's provision in times that seem unbearably dark and inescapable. His mercies are, indeed, new every morning.
I'll leave you with this thought: We have the opportunity to be face-to-face with Yahweh. Moses asked and was denied face-to-face because we cannot handle the shikhinah of the one true God. Paul speaks frequently in 1 Thessalonians about desiring to be face-to-face with other Christians. Jesus was face-to-face with the disciples. Let Him be face-to-face with you. Let everything filter through Him. He is good.
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