ohh

Chapter three's up


thank you Bonnie for hosting me still :D

enjoy this <3

hey look it's today!

Last night didn't go over too well. I didn't go to bed until 4 or later because I was talking with April about a lot of stuff that's been going on in life lately...
Bible Study was fun last night, but Mother Teresa asked her how her Daddy died and all. I knew it was going to get to her, but she didn't want to show it..just like the mention of my Papa dying was kind of like a splinter being pushed a little farther in my heart. So we kind of had a cryfest for a little while about that and a few other things that have been going on in the past week...most of you who read this know what those things are, even if you don't think you do.

Anyway, right when I was getting ready to go to bed, I heard the house phone ring which is weird. It never rings unless it's Kasey calling to talk to Will. It especially never rings past 11 or 12 at night and here it was 3:30 or so in the morning. Evidently Granny had called Aunt Bonnie and Kalin picked up [me and my crazy insomniac cousins!]. She was sick and couldn't move...I really don't know what was going on. Anyway, I didn't answer the phone, but then heard someone leave a message and figured that if they were leaving a message, someone was real bad sick. It was Aunt Bonnie calling to say she was fumbling for clothes to go see about Granny.
I went to Mom and Dad's room to wake them because my dad needed to go, even though he's pretty dumb when it comes to stuff like that.
Now, those of you who know my mom know that she's pretty skiddish. She scares easily and I've learned since I was a child to try and announce myself before I go in their room because she's liable to come out swinging. Well, in lapse of judgement, I didn't yell at her loud enough so when I touched her hand to wake her up, she started screeching at the top of her lungs and swinging her fists like I was trying to murder her. She told me later she'd been dreaming of NCIS. Dad said "GERRI GERRI GERRI STOP YELLIN' IT'S JUST YOUR DAUGHTER." Ridiculous I tell you.
Anyway, Dad threw clothes on and went to Granny's. Mom came in and apologized for trying to maul me. And I tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't.

My mind was going over everything time and time again. So I texted April and told her I couldn't sleep. I was worried about Granny and fretting over friends. We talked until I fell asleep finally in an angry sort of mood only to awaken to six text messages and parents slamming things and yelling. Sometimes I wonder if they are the adults or if my brothers and I are. They are more immature than we are most of the time - fighting over pointless things, getting in a huff over nothing, and not being able to control their anger and words. But there's no talking to them or making them see the error of their ways. When it comes to me or Will or Brad...we are never right.

So I spent today with strawberries covered in whipped cream, my Anne book, and the cool breeze. Finally I've finished Anne of the Island. Anne and Gil are together at last. I don't know how the rest of the books are going to go or how they could possibly top the last page of the third one...but we will see. :) I'm so glad Jen let me borrow these this summer. They make my heart hurt some, but I love them. :D How could someone not fall in love while reading them? If not with the poetic words, with Gil and Anne! I would love a Gilbert..to court me as he courted Anne and wait for me, though I may be stupid...but I would hope I wouldn't be.

I think I'm going to go and find something to cook in a few. I'm famished.

Oh yes, the concerts were fabulous. :) The last one was a little clouded by bad attitudes, and for some reason I feel like that's not finished being dealt with on all sides, but Sam Bradley and his band of 'men' are much fun. I'd love to cavort about Nashville with them walking to and fro taking silly pictures.
I could make a life of it! hahaha


mmm...secrets, I've sent two emails to people I don't know...relatives of each other. I received a reply to one and none to the other, not to my surprise. Let's see where this leads.

'my muse'

This is a poem I just wrote...and I feel like I should share it..with most everyone..because it's not for me.


"Sing over me, my evil muse
I see so clearly the ways you use.
My walls go crashing in fright
to which you find delight.

Sing oh muse, oh evil friend
to my collapsing side you rush in
draining from me my might
to create from this destruction your light."

move over me

God's putting so much on my heart. I'm writing like crazy tonight and today..

I have chills going down my spine and on my arms that I know are not from me being cold.

Worry is slowly but surely being replaced by faith and confidence in the Lord.

I'm praying so much that I'm crying. It's ridiculous.

God moves in the most mysterious, spectacular ways.

pulling on my heartstrings

I've been in thought a lot lately and prayer a little bit [I am fixing that] about my future - college, yes, but also careers and where I'm supposed to be.

Growing up is a big deal and I feel like it's upon me already.

"Your mercy calls me to be like You and Your favor is my delight"

to be in His favor and in His perfect will is the desire of my heart. I want to be more like Him and do what He would have me do...but sometimes I don't know what that is.

Last Sunday, Ricky made us do a "gifts of the Spirit" test or whatever to give us a little insight as to what our gifts are. Encouragement, serving, knowledge.

I've seen God work in my life. I've seen His hand in everything and to this very moment, this very day, I see how He uses me.
Tonight I just got the overwhelming feeling that my calling in this life is to be an encouragement to others - to build up my Christian brothers and sisters in His Word.

I'm not sure what this means when it comes to the career field, but I know in my heart and mind that this is what He wants me to do .. this is what He's already been using me to do.

I just pray for guidance on this road....I know He will give it.

back

I wrote this a while ago...but it fits so well right now..


oft times amidst billowing trials
tis life that seems perplexing.
though these human minds are blinded,
death, my friend, holds not the key.

In matters of life and death,
one loses touch with understanding.
The puzzling tides of life
leave a swirling midst of pain and happiness--
two emotions most misunderstood.

these perilous moments leave us bound,
yet painfully free of what is cherished.
Searching and anxiously needing solace and peace,
the heart rests in only one place.

Provided so undeservingly,
this towering refuge of companions
allows the heart to trust once more
and live as though never broken.

we'rree off to see the

SAMBRADLEYY and Jennimifer and stuff :)

Going to Atlanta tonight, chillin. Hopefully frann time with Mr. Tyler!! cuz I misses him a lot.
THEN tomorrow we go to Birmingham to see SAAAM
then on Friday we go to Nashville to see SAAAM
and this is a great summer. :)