sooooo I'm putting my pictures online for you kids to see, especially since facebook is a dork and makes them grainy.
When I figure out how to tell you where they are....I will tell you.
sixflags<3
edit:: I found the URL.
http://picasaweb.google.com/BAnanagurl0508
11 May 2009
10 May 2009
Well happy mother's day
This weekend and last week have been so eventful.
Sending the seniors off on the trip of their lives with a little pat on the back was quite complicated. I cried a bit. Sobbed would be a better word, I think. We had some fun times, that's for sure. Without getting too sappy, I'll say I will definitely miss them.
God blessed me with some incredible loves. :)
Jenn's lovely ma said she would drive me home after graduation since mom and dad didn't want to wait two or so extra hours for me to go . It was such a blessing. I know it meant a lot to Jennimifer and I am so thankful that I was able to be there. Graduating from college is a milestone, for sure! I'm so proud of Jenn and Jessie and all of the others that graduated.
Jessie's crazy life in Baltimore leaves ample reasoning for random road trips north!
So after getting home dark and early last night, I fell asleep. What else would I do? Dad didn't even bother to wake me up this morning for church. He said he felt like I needed my sleep.
For lunch I had his incredible french toast -- no one makes better! Then mom and I made our way to Dodge County to see the whole fam damily! It was great. I got to see my cousin Matt and his wife who I see once every blue moon. And I got peas!!! and some lovely time with my bestest cousin, Lauren. I love her so much!!
When we got home we went to Olive Garden for dinner. I love it there. It hits the spot everytime -- slams it! The waitress told me happy mother's day though...I've gotten the whole spectrum I guess! 12, 14, mother. I'm waiting on grandma. I'm sure that one's coming soon! Or toddler. :P
When I got home Jennimifer called. :) I love talking to that kid. She makes me giggle all the time and is so sweet to me. I'm not about to cry, but thinking about her not being around at the drop of a hat next year is a little intense! She's always rubbin' it in my face that she's 21 and can go to see Bobby Long at The Earl in August, but I ...alas... cannot. :( This is such a sad existance!! Can I not just go and see Bobby?! Forget the alcohol! You can put X's all over my body! Okay so maybe not ALL over it...but arms, forehead, hands, you get my drift.
So anyway, after we giggled for a little while on the phone I went to steal the internet from my parents' computer - Alfred doesn't get good signal from the people surrounding me here - but mom was being obsessed with Farm Town or something like that on Facebook. So weird!! anyway, she finally got off and I got on.
What's the first thing I see? The fact that a dear friend of mine from high school is engaged. Hello drop of stomach and heart and and..
Sending the seniors off on the trip of their lives with a little pat on the back was quite complicated. I cried a bit. Sobbed would be a better word, I think. We had some fun times, that's for sure. Without getting too sappy, I'll say I will definitely miss them.
God blessed me with some incredible loves. :)
Jenn's lovely ma said she would drive me home after graduation since mom and dad didn't want to wait two or so extra hours for me to go . It was such a blessing. I know it meant a lot to Jennimifer and I am so thankful that I was able to be there. Graduating from college is a milestone, for sure! I'm so proud of Jenn and Jessie and all of the others that graduated.
Jessie's crazy life in Baltimore leaves ample reasoning for random road trips north!
So after getting home dark and early last night, I fell asleep. What else would I do? Dad didn't even bother to wake me up this morning for church. He said he felt like I needed my sleep.
For lunch I had his incredible french toast -- no one makes better! Then mom and I made our way to Dodge County to see the whole fam damily! It was great. I got to see my cousin Matt and his wife who I see once every blue moon. And I got peas!!! and some lovely time with my bestest cousin, Lauren. I love her so much!!
When we got home we went to Olive Garden for dinner. I love it there. It hits the spot everytime -- slams it! The waitress told me happy mother's day though...I've gotten the whole spectrum I guess! 12, 14, mother. I'm waiting on grandma. I'm sure that one's coming soon! Or toddler. :P
When I got home Jennimifer called. :) I love talking to that kid. She makes me giggle all the time and is so sweet to me. I'm not about to cry, but thinking about her not being around at the drop of a hat next year is a little intense! She's always rubbin' it in my face that she's 21 and can go to see Bobby Long at The Earl in August, but I ...alas... cannot. :( This is such a sad existance!! Can I not just go and see Bobby?! Forget the alcohol! You can put X's all over my body! Okay so maybe not ALL over it...but arms, forehead, hands, you get my drift.
So anyway, after we giggled for a little while on the phone I went to steal the internet from my parents' computer - Alfred doesn't get good signal from the people surrounding me here - but mom was being obsessed with Farm Town or something like that on Facebook. So weird!! anyway, she finally got off and I got on.
What's the first thing I see? The fact that a dear friend of mine from high school is engaged. Hello drop of stomach and heart and and..
08 May 2009
days like this
While walking back to my dorm this evening, I realized that the days I will remember, the memories that I will cherish, are the ones that I have made in the past few weeks. The nights that I've had and the days that have surrounded them.
It's the haze in the early morning sky that surrounds the trees and envelops the walkways. With the dew wetting my feet come the tears slipping slowly down my cheeks. It's in the light of the lamps shrouded in glowing rainbows shooting in all directions and the glare that is left in your eye when looking away. The silent strength of the trees and the perfect blue of the starry sky.
It's nights like this...when I'm walking back to my room when I realize how many memories I've made. From silly paint and switching shirt sizes to spooky darkness and our own personal "jams." Finding solace in old pictures and the warmth of a soul so close to our own fills empty hearts and mends shoes in order to make more confident steps forward.
Letting go is something I've learned to do and yet cannot master.
I tell you I hate this and myself because I find it so hard to believe how much I've come to care. This attachment runs deep, love. Time and distance make no difference to these memories that will last forever. We'll be old and gray, still wearing our band t-shirts and fiddling with phones to text each other the latest gossip.
Facebook and Twitter will be ideas of the dark, distant past and yet they will live on continuously in our minds and in our actions. The goofy faces we make have been recorded in the pictures we post and videos we record. Memory will fade with time, but our laughter, jokes, and fun will ring on for lifetimes...
It's days and nights like this that I know I cannot ever forget! Forgetting would be inconceivable...impossible.
It may not have seemed like much, but I will always remember your hands. Like you, they are beautiful to me. They hold so much and yet are willing to reveal so little.
To forget you would be to forget the lines etched in the sand from the ebb and flow of the tide.
The surface of the sand seems so smooth and inviting. An outsider would never know what is truly hidden beneath the sands of time. Taking one step closer can lead you into a whirlwind.
I step forward in anticipation and excitement...inviting.
The water contrasts the sand. Lines flow deep and wide, ever changing...ever present.
To forget the tides would be to forget your hands. The twitch in your thumb and deep etching of your palm. The horizontal lines that run so frightfully in opposition of the prints of your fingers. Worry and stress show in these carved lines and in the unevenness of your nails. However, there is a peace..an understanding. The softness of your fingers and hand show the deception of your outward voice and that there truly is a side that others cannot seem to find.
First perception and many after leave the world to ponder these mysteries. You are strange and often unreadable; a challenge. Your calm, cool, collected exterior is contrasted and few see this. There is a war inside you, a worry that many will never understand. The lines that inch across your hand show the pain that has ravaged your life and heart...but the top of your hand and curve of your fingers show that you are strong and unwilling for hard times to rip you through and through. While your hands are calloused and used, showing your love for many activities, they are soft, full of strength, and vulnerable. You put up a wall to hide your heart, the 'sappier' side of things. Deep down you are one of the most beautifully caring people...your heart ready to risk itself, yet you don't trust it.
As your hands show, you are the epitome of a rose...delicate on the inside, but with a defense that will knock them down, rock them down.
"Honestly" - Cartel
It's the haze in the early morning sky that surrounds the trees and envelops the walkways. With the dew wetting my feet come the tears slipping slowly down my cheeks. It's in the light of the lamps shrouded in glowing rainbows shooting in all directions and the glare that is left in your eye when looking away. The silent strength of the trees and the perfect blue of the starry sky.
It's nights like this...when I'm walking back to my room when I realize how many memories I've made. From silly paint and switching shirt sizes to spooky darkness and our own personal "jams." Finding solace in old pictures and the warmth of a soul so close to our own fills empty hearts and mends shoes in order to make more confident steps forward.
Letting go is something I've learned to do and yet cannot master.
I tell you I hate this and myself because I find it so hard to believe how much I've come to care. This attachment runs deep, love. Time and distance make no difference to these memories that will last forever. We'll be old and gray, still wearing our band t-shirts and fiddling with phones to text each other the latest gossip.
Facebook and Twitter will be ideas of the dark, distant past and yet they will live on continuously in our minds and in our actions. The goofy faces we make have been recorded in the pictures we post and videos we record. Memory will fade with time, but our laughter, jokes, and fun will ring on for lifetimes...
It's days and nights like this that I know I cannot ever forget! Forgetting would be inconceivable...impossible.
It may not have seemed like much, but I will always remember your hands. Like you, they are beautiful to me. They hold so much and yet are willing to reveal so little.
To forget you would be to forget the lines etched in the sand from the ebb and flow of the tide.
The surface of the sand seems so smooth and inviting. An outsider would never know what is truly hidden beneath the sands of time. Taking one step closer can lead you into a whirlwind.
I step forward in anticipation and excitement...inviting.
The water contrasts the sand. Lines flow deep and wide, ever changing...ever present.
To forget the tides would be to forget your hands. The twitch in your thumb and deep etching of your palm. The horizontal lines that run so frightfully in opposition of the prints of your fingers. Worry and stress show in these carved lines and in the unevenness of your nails. However, there is a peace..an understanding. The softness of your fingers and hand show the deception of your outward voice and that there truly is a side that others cannot seem to find.
First perception and many after leave the world to ponder these mysteries. You are strange and often unreadable; a challenge. Your calm, cool, collected exterior is contrasted and few see this. There is a war inside you, a worry that many will never understand. The lines that inch across your hand show the pain that has ravaged your life and heart...but the top of your hand and curve of your fingers show that you are strong and unwilling for hard times to rip you through and through. While your hands are calloused and used, showing your love for many activities, they are soft, full of strength, and vulnerable. You put up a wall to hide your heart, the 'sappier' side of things. Deep down you are one of the most beautifully caring people...your heart ready to risk itself, yet you don't trust it.
As your hands show, you are the epitome of a rose...delicate on the inside, but with a defense that will knock them down, rock them down.
"Honestly" - Cartel
05 May 2009
04 May 2009
Old Poetry
I found all of this in one of my composition notebooks. :) The last one I was working in, if I'm not mistaken. They start on the 3rd of January 2007 and go on from there until Graduation last year. I'll separate them with a line of stars. Let me know what you think:
Everyone's around
man, there's a crowd.
survey the room, you'd almost miss it.
the feeling of fearful hurt would almost belost.
amongst the black clothing and running mascara,
the white dress and wide eyes could be forgotten.
sadness isn't desired but can't be helped
when the world seems so blissfully colorless
everything IS or ISN'T in a black and white world.
**********
No regrets, only lost possibilities,
open doors now shut to the rain,
the storm of silence and screaming.
Now, to find an escape I must run,
farther than these selfish decisions
to an open door that must be there.
Faster, farther,
in an ink well that's drying,
with the weather writhing and swirling
only to find I'm running in circles
surrounded by closed doors.
here trapped in my own lost possibilities
with no way to escape my regrets.
**********
Lord, they say that I can move these mountains.
They say that my faith is strong enough to move them.
I'm pushing, Lord, and it's just not working.
My legs are growing weary and my hands are calloused.
My body's failing me, Lord, so my faith must not be enough
to move these mountains and watch them fall into the sea.
**********
constant frowns in a sea of red faces
a camera could catch this haze
tragedy rips life to pieces,
yet blurs these faces to one
dependent on one another
and bound by experience.
hugs become a joining of hearts --
broken, shattered --
to give way to healing.
mourning is natural --
the night comes like waves.
Healing rescues with the rising of the sun
and thus the sea of faces will become clearer,
the faces more distinguished.
Everyone's around
man, there's a crowd.
survey the room, you'd almost miss it.
the feeling of fearful hurt would almost belost.
amongst the black clothing and running mascara,
the white dress and wide eyes could be forgotten.
sadness isn't desired but can't be helped
when the world seems so blissfully colorless
everything IS or ISN'T in a black and white world.
**********
No regrets, only lost possibilities,
open doors now shut to the rain,
the storm of silence and screaming.
Now, to find an escape I must run,
farther than these selfish decisions
to an open door that must be there.
Faster, farther,
in an ink well that's drying,
with the weather writhing and swirling
only to find I'm running in circles
surrounded by closed doors.
here trapped in my own lost possibilities
with no way to escape my regrets.
**********
Lord, they say that I can move these mountains.
They say that my faith is strong enough to move them.
I'm pushing, Lord, and it's just not working.
My legs are growing weary and my hands are calloused.
My body's failing me, Lord, so my faith must not be enough
to move these mountains and watch them fall into the sea.
**********
constant frowns in a sea of red faces
a camera could catch this haze
tragedy rips life to pieces,
yet blurs these faces to one
dependent on one another
and bound by experience.
hugs become a joining of hearts --
broken, shattered --
to give way to healing.
mourning is natural --
the night comes like waves.
Healing rescues with the rising of the sun
and thus the sea of faces will become clearer,
the faces more distinguished.
it's not for us to understand
**********
Night blurs the faces of many
all bound by experience
and dependent on one another.
Darkness joins shattered hearts
creating rain that heals, mends...
longing for peace.
As the first lights come
chills are blotted out by warmth,
love, comfort.
**********
Night blurs the faces of many
all bound by experience
and dependent on one another.
Darkness joins shattered hearts
creating rain that heals, mends...
longing for peace.
As the first lights come
chills are blotted out by warmth,
love, comfort.
**********
03 May 2009
a weekend in the life
This weekend was so much fun. Apart from a few mixed emotions, I really had fun.
Jenn's brother Rick was down (or up..or over...) and we had a blast. He's annoying as poop in a hilarious sort of way and Jenn + Rick + me + Jessie = hilariousness to say the least.
Friday night was the balloon ride, of course, and a little bit of Moe's to make the world go around. A tornado thought about dropping by and the comedian was crackin' on pugs and Dora the Explorer. Anybody have a green card?? Exhaustion soon set in and of course Jenn's DVD player decided to jump the border and forget what it was designed to do -- play movies.
Saturday was full of lovely sleep and lunch with other kiddies. Dinner was tacos at Christin's and the evening held the most intense game of Never Have I Ever that is imaginable surrounding a pitcher of koolaid. This was aided in hilariousness by the Jen Correy dance and Hairspray. Not soon after was the night filled with Rock Band and crawling across the floor. Nap time resumed its normal position around two am.
Today...oh was today a trip. Waking up to a text message and a full bladder kept me awake for the rest of the day. Lunch was with the Costa Ricans and poor Jessie, still showing signs from the previous evening's adventures. Upon finishing my art project, I had a rough conversation with Lauren that lasted less than an hour, but felt like an eternity. Morton-Lemley was basically attacked by a whirlwind of closterphobia...forget the tornado. We were all crowded into the basement -- fifty or sixty people packed into basically a classroom. It was warm and muggy. My head was already realing from the previous hour's conversation followed promptly by a shower of tears. Being trapped in a cage with a billion other birds made me want to screech, not sing. Trying to sleep didn't help. The heat and packed bodies just kept pounding at my skin. My ears felt like they were swelling, trapping my brain inside to pound its way out. At last, they told us we could leave. I stood too quickly for my own good and found myself spinning. My muscles throughout my body -- legs, arms, heart, chest, back -- quivered faint. I have not come that close to passing out in longer than I can remember.
I grabbed my movie and a few other school essentials and went to Jessie's room for a little while. We made pigs-n-a-blanket and watched Phantom of the Opera. The leftover piggies went to Jenn's where we chillaxed for a while in an effort to make her feel better and give her a break from her studies. I've just now returned to my room for an exhaustive night of studying for Chemistry and finishing my English essay.
This life is crazy, I tell you!
I don't want to be so clingy and say that I will miss my seniors with the intensity of a thousand blazing hot suns, but I will. They are precious to me and this weekend has proved that so well. I enjoy their company and laugh to no end. We are open with each other and just have a ball! They have honestly helped me out in some rough situations. Each and every one of them has brought some special light to my life and as they go away I am sending with them pieces of my heart -- some more than others, of that I'm sure. Goodness. I'm sure one of these days, in an effort not to be sappy out loud, I will write to each of them on here.
Okay, enough, though I could carry on like a blubbering girl for hours!
Jenn's brother Rick was down (or up..or over...) and we had a blast. He's annoying as poop in a hilarious sort of way and Jenn + Rick + me + Jessie = hilariousness to say the least.
Friday night was the balloon ride, of course, and a little bit of Moe's to make the world go around. A tornado thought about dropping by and the comedian was crackin' on pugs and Dora the Explorer. Anybody have a green card?? Exhaustion soon set in and of course Jenn's DVD player decided to jump the border and forget what it was designed to do -- play movies.
Saturday was full of lovely sleep and lunch with other kiddies. Dinner was tacos at Christin's and the evening held the most intense game of Never Have I Ever that is imaginable surrounding a pitcher of koolaid. This was aided in hilariousness by the Jen Correy dance and Hairspray. Not soon after was the night filled with Rock Band and crawling across the floor. Nap time resumed its normal position around two am.
Today...oh was today a trip. Waking up to a text message and a full bladder kept me awake for the rest of the day. Lunch was with the Costa Ricans and poor Jessie, still showing signs from the previous evening's adventures. Upon finishing my art project, I had a rough conversation with Lauren that lasted less than an hour, but felt like an eternity. Morton-Lemley was basically attacked by a whirlwind of closterphobia...forget the tornado. We were all crowded into the basement -- fifty or sixty people packed into basically a classroom. It was warm and muggy. My head was already realing from the previous hour's conversation followed promptly by a shower of tears. Being trapped in a cage with a billion other birds made me want to screech, not sing. Trying to sleep didn't help. The heat and packed bodies just kept pounding at my skin. My ears felt like they were swelling, trapping my brain inside to pound its way out. At last, they told us we could leave. I stood too quickly for my own good and found myself spinning. My muscles throughout my body -- legs, arms, heart, chest, back -- quivered faint. I have not come that close to passing out in longer than I can remember.
I grabbed my movie and a few other school essentials and went to Jessie's room for a little while. We made pigs-n-a-blanket and watched Phantom of the Opera. The leftover piggies went to Jenn's where we chillaxed for a while in an effort to make her feel better and give her a break from her studies. I've just now returned to my room for an exhaustive night of studying for Chemistry and finishing my English essay.
This life is crazy, I tell you!
I don't want to be so clingy and say that I will miss my seniors with the intensity of a thousand blazing hot suns, but I will. They are precious to me and this weekend has proved that so well. I enjoy their company and laugh to no end. We are open with each other and just have a ball! They have honestly helped me out in some rough situations. Each and every one of them has brought some special light to my life and as they go away I am sending with them pieces of my heart -- some more than others, of that I'm sure. Goodness. I'm sure one of these days, in an effort not to be sappy out loud, I will write to each of them on here.
Okay, enough, though I could carry on like a blubbering girl for hours!
01 May 2009
to put aside all differences
I'm definitely one-of-a-kind.
When I get hurt, it usually comes out as anger.
If you are my friend and you do something to hurt me, I'll probably get upset.
When I am mad, it lasts for no longer than a few hours if that.
Wasting time fighting is...wasting time to me, precious time.
I've lost many a friend that way and know better.
Often, I am able to put aside my anger .. because I love.
Love is stronger than any sort of anger or hurt or frustration.
I want to give so much of myself to my friends.
Granted, this might be bad for me, but it's true.
I've said so many times that my friends mean the world to me and it's true.
I WILL rock and roll you from head to toe and back again if you hurt them.
God has my heart and soul, but they take up so much of the rest of me.
All of my friends mean the world to me...every single one of them.
I would go to bat for all of them.
I would take a bullet for every single one of them.
This, I promise.
When I get hurt, it usually comes out as anger.
If you are my friend and you do something to hurt me, I'll probably get upset.
When I am mad, it lasts for no longer than a few hours if that.
Wasting time fighting is...wasting time to me, precious time.
I've lost many a friend that way and know better.
Often, I am able to put aside my anger .. because I love.
Love is stronger than any sort of anger or hurt or frustration.
I want to give so much of myself to my friends.
Granted, this might be bad for me, but it's true.
I've said so many times that my friends mean the world to me and it's true.
I WILL rock and roll you from head to toe and back again if you hurt them.
God has my heart and soul, but they take up so much of the rest of me.
All of my friends mean the world to me...every single one of them.
I would go to bat for all of them.
I would take a bullet for every single one of them.
This, I promise.
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